I am so upset

By all means try stopping doing everything for him, but if that doesn't work, then please consider that there is more to this medically. You say the GP has stopped his anti-depressants: it doesn't seem to have made a difference, but does the doc know that? I don't want to upset you, but some forms of dementia can present like this because they affect 'executive function' e.g. Fronto-temporal dementia. It's worth checking. As it is, you are feeling miserable and perplexed by his behaviour. Presumably, he was not always like this. If so, something has gone wrong, and you need to find out what it is, for his sake and for yours. Thinking of you.

Sounds infuriating.

Is there any chance he is suffering from PTSD from his illness?

I believe busy has been busy here before with some interesting tales.

It's the adult sons I feel for. It can't be much fun living on 80p a week.

How can anyone be "too poorly" to sit at the table, yet manage to sit in a chair and watch tv?

Also, why clean new carpets?

Sounds like someone is taking the p.

I absolutely agree that you should stop giving him waitress service. Put your meals on the table.

Why would he shampoo ‘new’ carpets?

Stop doing things for him.
If he won’t come to the table enjoy your food just you!
Get out more on your own and try to become a bit more independent.
He’a not a baby. Threat him as a grown man.
I feel for you having your carpet ruined. If that was me I’d be so cross and it isn’t your job to wait on anyone.
Good luck and shame on him.
Don’t be part of the fun and games he is playing with you.
Most importantly take care of yourself.

Sorry to read that your carpets have been ruined busyb

What do your sons who live at home think about
A) the carpet cleaning and
B) your husbands physical amd mental state?

Take some more time off and leave him to fend for himself

scale right back on what you do for him, it's not helping by you waiting on him hand and foot, it's time for some tough love

Busyb....it sounds as if you have the measure of him now!!
I hope I don’t upset you when I say I immediately thought his behaviour was passive aggressive (more aggressive than passive?!!!) and he was paying you back for leaving him to cope by himself!!!
Hope I’m wrong
?

Stop doing stuff for him (including bringing his food on a tray) - it's not doing him or you any good. People will behave badly .....if you let them!!

Thank you for your messages and listening to my rant, I just needed to tell someone. No, nothing was spilt and he was quite smug and defensive about doing it. This was my wake up call, I am going to insist he sits to the table for meals and not help him so much. It shows me he can get around if he wants. Yes, Agnurse he has had treatment for a bad back and after he was ill the other year they did put him on tablets for depression but the doctor stopped them after about a year. I am going to tell him he must go back to the doctor and also have said he must pay for the carpets to be cleaned properly.

Has he had a complete checkup? It's quite possible that he may be depressed or that there could be other issues. I would suggest he go for a complete physical and cognitive/mental health exam.

I would ask a few more questions.. as Madgran suggests, he may have spilt something. Carpet shampoo machines tend to be heavy so it would have taken quite an effort. I'm sure he had good intentions and perhaps you were too fast to criticize.

But I would definitely scale back fussing over him. Sometimes a bit of tough love is necessary. He can sit at the table, fold laundry or do dusting and sweeping etc.

I'd be furious, sounds like the sort of thing my ex would do. I'd be finding him jobs to do around the house now and get the professionals in to sort out the carpet, if that fails buy new ones.

Well now that you know he's capable of doing more you need to stop waiting on him!
If he's well enough to shampoo your carpets he's well enough to sit at the table for meals.

It does sound a bit like he was trying to help but what he got as a result was a moan! Or did he spill something maybe and was trying to clear it up? Is he depressed d'you think, another option to consider?