Is it me?

Phew! I'm finding this thread very reassuring... I thought I was alone

I quite enjoy it when dh doesn't answer, as I'm usually asking does he want something to eat or drink, no answer I get my own.

Wouldn’t mind no response but hate it when WE are in the middle of a conversation (or so I think!) when he walks out of the room as I’m in mid-sentence. That’s rude, I think!

Well done you Geoff

Not sure I'm allowed to respond, as a DH!!!
If my darling wife walked into the room naked, I would surely notice!
I also DO respond when asked a question, when she makes a statement and when asked to do something, which to be honest is most of the time!!!

i often feel im talking to myself but when challenged i get the same response!

Hearing can be part of the issue, as some have said, no doubt. But the OP's DH didn't say that. And if it is the issue and he won't admit or do anything about it, that's on him.

Lots of humor here, ladies! Love it! But Beckstar and Ruth, your posts take the cake! LOL!

No Atqui, as you can see it's not you. My DH is another one like this. But when he's talking, he expects me to hang on his every word, never mind if I'm in the middle of reading or whatever. Always been this way. IDK if it's an offshoot of the old double standard for husbands and wives or if men are just naturally more self-absorbed/less attune to the needs of others/women.

Love the suggestion to just not say anything and let him ask. Bet he'll pay more attention then. But if you feel you must tell him if you're going into the shower, etc. (b/c he needs to know where you are/that the shower won't be available for a while, etc), then please just don't expect a response. You gave him the info. If he wasn't listening, that's on him.

I don't hear what is said to me either if I am reading.

My sister on one occasion took the book he was reading out of my father's hands before addressing an important question to him, as she wanted an answer.

However, that is a rather different matter to not receiving an answer to statements we make or questions we ask. DH gets annoyed if I ask whether he actually realised I was saying something, but if he doesn't respond how the heck do I know if he heard me or not?

My husband, like dragonfly’s, always answers any suggestion with “we can do.” Just once I’d like to hear “what a good idea!” He also rarely hears the first time I speak so I know I will have to repeat myself. However I have just thought that I can try asking him if he is listening first. Good idea!

I think DS2 is in training to be one of those. Maybe he already is!

And here’s me been thinking this only happens to me. My new tactic is to wait a few seconds and then say “I was sure I said something just then.....” It usually works! I think just zones me out!

You cannot win with the not answering argument. Either
- he heard but didn't need to answer,
- didn't listen, but did that 'instant recall' thing the brain cleverly does when you challenge him so he can repeat exactly what you said, or
- he answers but doesn't know what you said. So he will still say 'where have you been?' when you get out of the bath ('you didn't tell me!') or, he won't have missed you anyway!
My OH pauses the TV when he wants to tell me something, even when we're both watching, and rewinds the programme when I've interrupted his TV viewing? I reckon it's reasonable grounds for manslaughter - the judge would nod in sympathy and send me off for therapy and a spa holiday.

We don't tend to tell each other things like going for a shower, might say it and add so if the phone rings and its so and so can you tell them to ring back. Always tell each other when we go out some where, shops, the tip etc. My bugbear is he will answer a question with a question. Shall we have chicken for dinner, answer why not. (because we don't bloody well have a chicken could be my answer back)

Just tell him "I am going to have a bath" and go. Don't wait for a response since he doesn't think you need one. If he asks where you've been you can tell him and say that you did tell him, so there!!

We are not asking for a dissertation are we fellow sufferers, just an “OK”

Gabrielle No I don’t keep a running commentary on what I am doing, but H usually makes a cup of tea for me at night, and if I just disappeared he would say “ I didn’t know you had gone up to bed”, and no, he’s not deaf!

My DH is just the same and woebetide you if you say something while he about to take a shot on his snooker or golf game on his phone. Yesterday we had a visit from DS and DDiL which was lovely. Last night I said to DH its a pity that X and Y have split up after such a long time. What?What? When did that happen ? When did you find that out? Duh! Had he been listening to the chat in the afternoon instead of looking at his bleddy phone he would have found out the same time as me

'Ok' is fine or a wave of the hand or 'mmm'

Strangely after an unacrimonious breakup of a long-term relationship a couple of years ago, this was one of the things I thought about afterwards with 'did he know how much I hated being ignored, but I put up with it?'. I think now both (his behaviour and my acceptance) were symptoms we were on different wavelengths.

Thanks to all of you.... I thought it was just my husband that had the ‘ignorant pig ‘ syndrome.

I think we may be the other way around! Unlike the Bodach, I don’t really do the ‘ running commentary’ of my activity, and he’ll always ask, “ Is that you going for a bath?” or “ Are you going to bed now?”. I can answer on auto-pilot!
I’ll get, “ I’m going to make a sandwich, is that okay?”

My DH has a degree in it and yes he is an engineer. Always been very wrapped up in his own world so much so he never knows what I or the rest of the family are doing, They put it down to him being deaf, who refuses to have any aids but I put it down to something else but too polite to write it down. It did upset me greatly that he was not interested in me apart from sex ofcourse.
A good example, I did some temp work when the children left home. One journey took one and half hours to the job. I did the journey twice a day for 6 months. Recently, some 20 years after the event, we visited the town where I worked and he could not believe I did the trip every day or I even worked! He still has no idea what I do all day.
It suits me as I have learnt to live with him but it took a lot of training, some 45 years. The problem I have now he is retiring he wants to know where I am and what I am doing all the time., which drives me mad. Be careful what you wish for.

Rutheleanor

Tbf to readers, I often don't hear something that's said to me while I'm reading.

One day I bought a comical cow outfit in a charity shop. I put it on and waited in the kitchen for his reaction. He didn’t notice!