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(28 Posts)
love0c Fri 17-May-19 09:24:46

We bought our son a cot for our grandson. They chose it and we just gave them the money. Our granson is now 18 months old. They have since had another baby who is now 3 months old. They have bought another cot, this time a second hand one and are using it for the 18 month old instead of the one we bought. My son said they might as well use it as they have bought it. They do not intend putting the 3 month old in the cot for another 4/5 months. Why stop using our cot before it is needed? Our DIL does not like us and cuts us out of most things. We feel this is why. Purely to hurt us.

Kittye Fri 17-May-19 09:29:00

I think you are being over sensitive. They will be using it for the new baby they are not throwing it away. For goodness sake just enjoy your grandchildren and stop looking for problems

MawBroonsback Fri 17-May-19 09:29:06

Try not to be over sensitive. There may be practical considerations such as size, adaptability for the toddler.
They chose the first one so it cannot be meant as a slight to you. smile

kittylester Fri 17-May-19 09:38:37

Actually, it's a good idea imo as the baby will not be displacing him from what has always been his bed.

B9exchange Fri 17-May-19 09:43:04

Maybe I am reading this wrongly, but seems a new baby has arrived, the older one is not old enough to leave a cot, so they needed a second one.

Babies grow up fast, if the new one is in a moses basket or similar, they will soon outgrow it and need that lovely cot you bought. I would actually be flattered as a GP that they liked the cot you bought them so much, they wanted to put the new baby in it. It will be needed for a couple of years, and the 18 month old will soon be out of the second hand one into a bed, so only a temporary arrangement.

I cannot imagine there is any intention to hurt you, that is the last thing they will be thinking of. I don't know what other problems you are having with your daughter in law, but please don't try and turn everything into a perceived slight. Be happy for them, tired with two young children, and offer to babysit, cook them a meal if you are close enough, and enjoy the time you are allowed to spend with them.

Above all, tell your DiL she is doing an amazing job as a mum, (even if you occasionally have your doubts, never show it!) and support her as much as you can. Gransnet is full of distraught parents who have fallen out/lost contact with their adult children, please don't join them.

Eglantine21 Fri 17-May-19 09:50:07

I bought a wardrobe/dresser to fit the baby’s room.

When they moved a year later they left it behind because it looked just right where it was.

I didn’t feel slighted. It was a wardrobe not a measure of love.

I’m sorry but if you’re going to get upset by something so trivial you have a very rocky road ahead.

Consider that your daughter in law might find you quite difficult and easily offended?

Gonegirl Fri 17-May-19 09:54:31

It does seem a little bit mean to turn the first little feller out of his lovely new cot and dump him in the second hand one. wink

Gonegirl Fri 17-May-19 09:55:11

I don't really mean "dump". I'm sure they didn't do that. grin

annodomini Fri 17-May-19 09:56:42

It makes sense for the first child to be in a different cot. When the time comes for the new baby to be in a cot, the older child won't feel that he is being displaced by a baby going into 'his cot'.

mcem Fri 17-May-19 10:49:52

Oh dear! I wonder if you'll come to GN for advice when you run into real problems.
Carry on like this and future problems are inevitable!

Callistemon Fri 17-May-19 11:34:03

where is a 7/8 month old baby going to sleep confused

the second baby will soon have outgrown a carrycot/Moses basket so they will need both cots very soon.

Elegran Fri 17-May-19 12:37:57

Why assume that the practical decision on which of two cots each child is to sleep in is taken purely to hurt you? Is hurting you so important that they would let it affect how they and their children live? I'm willing to bet that no-one even thought of you when they were discussing it, only of the children. Grow up and stop thinking it is all about you.

They are the parents, they decided that at the moment one cot suits one child, one suits the other. Both cots will be fully used in a few months. You gave them a cot, you are not lending it to them with terms and conditions. It is theirs, so are the children.

If you are imagining problems when the grandchildren are just babies, you and their parents will not be on speaking terms by the time they go to school. Ease off on inventing suspicions.

aggie Fri 17-May-19 12:42:21

Maybe the second hand cot isn't as pretty as the one you got , so they are saving it for the new baby , he/she will need it longer than the toddler

knickas63 Fri 17-May-19 12:44:47

If the 18 month old is still in the cot, or only just left it, then they may want to uses a different cot so that the older child doesn't feel pushed out by the younger one using 'their' cot. They could just be trying to smooth the way for the older child accepting their new sibling without jealousy?

ElaineI Fri 17-May-19 13:24:03

It sounds like you have a thing about your DIL as you said "We bought our son a cot" and didn't include her in the statement. Perhaps she feels like you don't like her?
Regarding cots I agree with what others say. Unless co-sleeping the new baby will soon need the cot so best for DGS to have the excitement of a new cot. Perhaps his second hand cot converts to a toddler bed easily as in 6 - 12 months he will probably be in a bed anyway. Our DGD has just moved to a toddler bed at 27 months.

sodapop Fri 17-May-19 13:46:03

Pick your battles love0c this one is not important in the grand scheme of things. Your son and his wife must do what they think is best for their children. I'm sure you are reading too much into this.

Cold Fri 17-May-19 14:13:21

Try not to be upset - their parenting decisions are not an insult to you!

All of the parenting books advise, if you are going to need the cot for the new baby, that you move the older child to the different cot/bed/cotbed months in advance so that the older child can get used to the new sleeping arrangements and doesn't feel that the new baby is throwing them out of their bed.

Callistemon Fri 17-May-19 15:16:26

You seem to be making this about you and it is not. It is about two young parents making practical and sensible decisions for their own children.

Tangerine Fri 17-May-19 15:58:03

Pick your battles. I wouldn't worry about something like this.

If you make an argument about this and an enemy of your daughter-in-law, you might see less of the grandchildren.

I am sorry to sound harsh.

love0c Fri 17-May-19 18:08:06

thanks for all your advice. I will put it all together and take it on board. I think I was just feeling very vulnerable.

Witzend Fri 17-May-19 18:08:26

Did they perhaps buy a slightly bigger 2nd hand cot - the kind that can be turned into a toddler bed and used for quite a few years?
My dd had one of these, as well as a standard cot - babies only 15 months apart. No.2 baby still using the bigger one as a toddler bed at nearly 3.

Whatever, please don't get upset about it. Or at least don't let it show! It's just not worth it. At least they didn't eBay yours and buy 2 new ones!

love0c Fri 17-May-19 18:09:35

Thanks for all the advice. I will take it all on board.

jeanie99 Fri 17-May-19 23:39:17

When we make a gift to someone the gift is given with love or a kindness to someone.
The gift then becomes the property of that person to do with as they wish.
As someone said earlier it may be a cot bed that they have bought for the 18 month old baby.
The cot you bought is to be well used for their second baby.
Don't get yourself upset by seeing something that isn't there.

Callistemon Sat 18-May-19 12:13:30

this is a non-problem and what Jeanie said about a gift is true.

The best reaction would be to say "oh, what a good idea!"

crazyH Sat 18-May-19 12:34:30

Love0..... it's really not worth worrying about. Don't assume that your d.i.l. doesn't like you. Probably personality clash. Try and give her the benefit of the doubt. You need to build an amicable relationship with her and don't pick a battle, where there is none. You owe your son that.
Good luck LoveO xx