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AIBU to be upset with sister-in-law

(69 Posts)
Buffy Tue 25-Jun-19 22:09:17

My husband's sister from abroad stayed alone in our flat for 3 weeks and when we returned not only had she not bothered to strip the bed but left a pile of 8 used towels in the bathroom and her rubbish.
My family say she's elderly and not to make a fuss, but I'm not much younger and feel as though I'm being used as a chambermaid.

Tedber Tue 25-Jun-19 22:14:29

Very thoughtless Buffy. Not sure how she came to be in your flat for 3 weeks but am guessing you won't ask her again?

I wouldn't make an issue of it. Just pass it off and as said...don't open your doors again

BlueBelle Tue 25-Jun-19 22:26:08

Not good but not worth making a fuss about
Was she looking after your house whilst you were away ?
To be honest although it’s thoughtless not stripping the bed and leaving towels in the bath isn’t really a hanging affair
I d just let it go

M0nica Tue 25-Jun-19 22:45:03

Buffy Selfish and thoughtless, no doubts about that and your upset is quite justified. BUT, do not do or say anything you might later regret. Just keep stumm and never let her stay again.

mosaicwarts Tue 25-Jun-19 23:34:39

Perhaps she thought you had a cleaner that would come in before you returned?

I strip the bed wherever I stay, normally leave the used towels in the shower. I used to have my own self catering apartment and it's hard work cleaning and changing beds!

Buffy Wed 26-Jun-19 00:05:16

No Blue Belle, she wasn't doing us a favour house sitting. We were elsewhere but she wanted to be on her own sightseeing and theatre going. She's stayed with us many times but will never have us to stay with her though she has a lovely home and plenty of room.

DillytheGardener Wed 26-Jun-19 00:23:37

Did she ask? I always ask as a guest, some wish you to strip the bed, some to leave it for cleaners etc.
She may have sore hips, arms etc, when my sciatica was causing me agony earlier this year, there was no way I could have stripped a bed. I think your sister in law is annoying perhaps, but it’s not worth falling out over. Get husband to do it, his sister, his clean up grin Best Dilly x

BlueBelle Wed 26-Jun-19 04:08:00

Ok Buffybee, I see
I always personally leave everything stripped and in a pile but I ve had people stay who don’t and it’s never entered my head to get annoyed with that I ve just seen it as their way not mine I haven’t feel affronted if someone else was not as tidy or thoughtful
I just don’t think it’s worth being upset by but that’s my just my own opinion

As for her never inviting you back to her lovely home on the surface it sounds mean but seeing as she wanted to be alone for three weeks, could it be she finds company difficult to handle and is a bit of a loner and if that’s the case it may be very hard for her to have people come to stay with her
What does your husband think ?
Do you like her ?

BradfordLass72 Wed 26-Jun-19 05:40:52

If she's stayed with you many times before, didn't you have the chance then to ask her to put towels in the laundry (or wherever you want them) and strip the bed?

She's got away with this behaviour over and over again without your saying anything. Why is this time different?

yggdrasil Wed 26-Jun-19 08:11:07

Sounds like she is more used to staying in hotels than in a family home.

Buffy Wed 26-Jun-19 09:03:47

She has plenty of money and does stay in hotels. She said she was so pleased to be staying at ours as she'd save over £2.5k as London is so expensive. She asked what to do with sheets and I said to put them all in one pillowcase. Could understand one or two towels but not the cupboardfull. We do have a washing machine and there are laundrettes and laundries nearby. She's expecting to stay with us again in September. Oh well, she did leave us half a packet of Wethers and half tube of Pringles!! Luckily my sense of humour is returning.

Septimia Wed 26-Jun-19 09:39:03

We've rented a cottage for the last 8 years for our holiday. Sometimes friends or relations join us. When they leave, I wash their bedding and towels. When we leave I strip the bed, put the bedding in the washing machine and start it washing; I leave the towels by the washing machine ready to go in. I also vacuum the rooms we've used and often leave the cooker cleaner than we found it. We're always welcomed, so presumably my efforts are appreciated - and the rent hasn't gone up at all !!

Dillyduck Wed 26-Jun-19 09:42:34

Disgraceful. It should have been left in pristine condition with a thank you gift!

I trust your flat will not be available if she wants to stay again?!

harrigran Wed 26-Jun-19 09:44:04

I'm afraid I would be saying the date is not convenient.

Cabbie21 Wed 26-Jun-19 09:49:18

Unacceptable behaviour regarding the towels. If you allow her to stay again, maybe set some ground rules?

chris8888 Wed 26-Jun-19 09:49:28

I wouldn’t let her stay again and if she asks why l would tell her. I wouldn’t make a fuss now though.

GrannyAnnie2010 Wed 26-Jun-19 09:58:52

Bring it up with her. "You know, I had expected the bed to be stripped and the towels laundered. Was there a reason why you left it all to me?"

If, in the unlikely event it turns ugly, well, she'll never stay at yours again.

Buffy Wed 26-Jun-19 09:59:02

Thank you all. I've calmed down now that I've had my rant.

WadesNan Wed 26-Jun-19 10:07:21

Did she not do any laundry for 3 weeks!

When I stay with my brother and his wife, I do my own laundry (including sheets and towels) and when ironing will do theirs as well if there is any.

Johno Wed 26-Jun-19 10:24:48

you can not control what others do but you can control how it affects you. Forget it - sleep well - clean up the flat and look in a mirror and congratulate yourself on your kindness. This does not mean you have been shxt on, because you control it. Move on, life is short. She may have a mental incapacity, who knows. You helped your husband by caring about his sister. Be happy.

JulieMM Wed 26-Jun-19 10:34:22

If you don’t tell her this behaviour is unacceptable that she can’t possibly know it makes you unhappy can she? I suggest you leave her a little note next time she stays explaining - kindly - how you’d prefer your flat to be left.

Margaux Wed 26-Jun-19 10:36:29

Could it be a cultural thing, Buffy? I assume the lady isn't English? Maybe people don't change the sheets or clean the towels when they're invited to stay in her own country? It could just be different customs. If that's all that jars, I really wouldn't let it worry me if I were you. But maybe she's been insensitive in other ways?

JanaNana Wed 26-Jun-19 11:07:50

Do you mean she slept in the same set of sheets for the whole three weeks! That's a bit mucky. I think she's taken advantage of your good nature myself and could have at least made some effort to wash the towels. Sounds like she expects hotel service. In my book family staying should all muck in and not expect to have everything done for them unless there is a health condition which prevents it. Then that's another matter. I would be removing the Welcome Mat next time around.

CrazyGrandma2 Wed 26-Jun-19 11:07:54

Personally, I always ask the owner if they would like to have the bed stripped. I've found that not everyone does, so safer to ask. Always leave used towels in a pile and empty waste bin.

bingo12 Wed 26-Jun-19 11:11:27

Perhaps she had a last minute unexpected event of some sort that meant she did not have time before she had to leave to do the chores - and just forgot to say ''sorry''?