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AIBU to be upset with sister-in-law

(70 Posts)
Buffy Tue 25-Jun-19 22:09:17

My husband's sister from abroad stayed alone in our flat for 3 weeks and when we returned not only had she not bothered to strip the bed but left a pile of 8 used towels in the bathroom and her rubbish.
My family say she's elderly and not to make a fuss, but I'm not much younger and feel as though I'm being used as a chambermaid.

Grannyflower Wed 26-Jun-19 11:13:24

Oh dear. You all sound so wonderful and thoughtful. I take my own towels when I stay with DS and DIL but never dream of stripping the bed or expect any of my family to reciprocate when they stay over. Just provide towels, bedding and food for them without thinking. I can see how hurt and disappointed you must be if your expectation was very different to the reality. Your family sound lovely and caring too, this lady’s behaviour upset you but sounds like you have expressed your feelings and moved on. Don’t let your anger spoil your today smile

Tillybelle Wed 26-Jun-19 11:16:10

Buffy. YANBU! By a long way! What a blooming entitled, spoiled, fancies-herself, selfish Madam she is!
Unless she thought it's a Serviced Flat? Kind of like a hotel room...?
No, I doubt that.
I stayed in dear friend's cottage for a welcome much needed break. At end I left money for electricity - I checked on the meter on arrival and when I left, a gift she could use in her cottage, washed all the linen including towels and tea towels, cleaned all the flat spotlessly and drove home overnight. I really enjoyed leaving it all clean and tidy actually! Much more than my own house which I find a tedious and repetitive bore!

NeversaynoMarni Wed 26-Jun-19 12:03:24

I ask my guests to leave their beds made up because I don’t like seeing stripped beds for days after a visit. I can then, in my own time, strip the beds one at a time and launder the sheets.

When little grandchildren stay overnight I don’t launder their bedding between visits.

Anja Wed 26-Jun-19 12:14:38

Clarty moo!

That will be the first and last time she is invited I’m guessing.

NotSpaghetti Wed 26-Jun-19 12:29:07

My mother-in-law is irritated if I strip the bed. She told me once that she'd rather do the laundry "when it suits her" and wishes people would stop trying to be so helpful.

I think in your case she could have done what you suggested re the pillowcase thing - but try not to stress over it, though I can see it's irritating... maybe she forgot? Perhaps she doesn't "understand" other people's washing machines?
Was this your bed or was it spare room? I hope it was a spare and you didn't need to change it as soon as you got home!

Newatthis Wed 26-Jun-19 12:57:49

mmmmm - house guests hey say are like fish - they go off after 3 days! I have lived overseas a lot and therefore have had many people staying and many of them good house guests but some ...... let's say - 'leave a lot to be desired'. Just grin and bear it and perhaps next time show her how the washing machine works and what washing powder you use for bed linen and towels!

Sheilasue Wed 26-Jun-19 13:15:58

My teenage gd is exactly the same. However much you get onto her to clear up, if dh and I are out it’s what we come home to, she’s gone out so it’s has to be cleared by me

BlueBelle Wed 26-Jun-19 13:21:30

margoux why on earth imagine it’s cultural just because the lady lives overseas what a sweeping judgement she may have emigrated and be as British as you or me or come from a country with similar customs, there is nothing to suggest she lives in a tent on the Mongolian Steppes 😂 however I agree with you it’s nothing to get upset about

Ohmother Wed 26-Jun-19 14:08:01

We once had a nephew and his wife to stay. We gave up our own bed for them.

They left an unstripped bed with TONS and I mean TONS of sweetie wrappers around the bedroom floor! They have never been invited since.

SueDonim Wed 26-Jun-19 14:13:28

No one has suggested the simple solution to this, as far as I can see.

It's your husband's sister, Buffy, so he can either tell her to tidy up or he himself can do the clearing up after her - problem sorted!

Pat1949 Wed 26-Jun-19 14:17:04

Annoying yes but not worth letting it upset you. If your not there in future leave instructions on how to use the wash or if you are show her.

jenpax Wed 26-Jun-19 14:19:06

She certainly sounds selfish! But I wouldn’t bother making a thing out of it but would not have her back again.
Next time if she asks says you have other plans but of course there are several good hotels etc!

moggie57 Wed 26-Jun-19 14:29:21

you did let her stay in your home. i bet you said treat it like home. which is what she did.. i would just throw the shhets into washing machine .have a good clean up ,then sit and have a cup of tea, after you have screamed out loud in the garden.haha..

moggie57 Wed 26-Jun-19 14:29:48


GillT57 Wed 26-Jun-19 14:30:26

Oh dear, don't let it spoil your relationship, however unconsiderate her behaviour. I am amazed though at those of you who clean a holiday rental! I wash up everything that we have used in the kitchen, leave beds turned back, put towels and tea towels in laundry basket/washing machine, but I do not vacuum or clean, that's why I go on holiday!

gt66 Wed 26-Jun-19 14:32:38

Did she show her gratitude for saving her so much money in another way? A bunch of flowers, thankyou gift or money towards the gas, electricity and/or water she used? If not YANBU! Make an excuse next time. I'm sure she'll get the message.

Callistemon Wed 26-Jun-19 15:04:48

She must have used your washing machine during the three weeks, so she could have thrown at least one load of towels in and dried them and left the rest in the laundry room.
As for the bed, I usually ask too, if it is to be stripped.

We were at a holiday rental once and there was a note asking us to strip the beds before we left (it cost quite a lot too)!

I hope she left you a lovely present or some good wine, Buffy.

Callistemon Wed 26-Jun-19 15:06:55

Did she have a plane to catch and the taxi arrived early?
That could mean she had to leave everything as it was.

Sleepygran Wed 26-Jun-19 15:29:36

I hate it when guests strip the bed when they leave,it feels like they are checking the mattress and pillows!

Jinty44 Wed 26-Jun-19 16:36:14

"She's stayed with us many times but will never have us to stay with her though she has a lovely home and plenty of room."
Has she given any reason why she won't host you at her home? Any reason at all?

I'd be disinclined to host her again.

BlueBelle Wed 26-Jun-19 16:54:28

You see Buffy there’s different schools of thought here some people think it’s massively rude others say they hate the bed striped and other like myself are not too worried either way
Either way it’s not really worth the worry if you like her and if you don’t like her maybe put some distance

Desdemona Wed 26-Jun-19 17:14:50

I wouldn't be too fussed by the bedding and towels - but if I had someone stay in my house for 3 weeks I would think it was rather rude if they didn't leave a pot plant, a box of chocolates or at least a thank you note!

Daisymae Wed 26-Jun-19 18:46:40

Leave her a card next time, say hope you have a wonderful time, please just strip the beds and if you have time pop laundry through the machine. Cheers! No point in being resentful, get in out in the open. I totally agree though about leaving a gift!

Septimia Wed 26-Jun-19 18:55:33

Some people like the beds stripped when guests leave and some don't.

Perhaps the best answer is to ask if they would like you to strip the bed. At least it shows that you've thought of it and they're free to say 'No, thanks'.

8 towels in 3 weeks is a bit much without making any attempt to wash them.

If staying with friends or family I always take a gift for arriving or leave something when we go. A bit of appreciaiton goes a long way.

Shizam Wed 26-Jun-19 19:01:21

Why eight towels though? Sounds a bit cheeky.