Gransnet forums

AIBU

to object to this type of invitation?

(168 Posts)
kittylester Wed 10-Jul-19 07:00:56

Dgs has won a prize for science and obviously we are all very proud. His parents are invited to the presentation evening. DGS will, obviously, wear his uniform but the invitation from the school says that there is a smart casual dress code for parents.

I am appalled that the school is so prescriptive about how the parents dress.

AIBU?

Crazygran Wed 10-Jul-19 11:49:41

I think we should see more of that as it is dreadful the way some people dress these days, especially in the Hot weather .you don’t have to wear expensive clothes but who wants to see half naked bodies except on the beach !!!!!
That’s better been wanting a rant about that for ages .

4allweknow Wed 10-Jul-19 11:49:45

No problem here. Sure school wants to try to mark the occasion as being special. Smart casual usually means try not to turn up in track suits and trainers.

SirChenjin Wed 10-Jul-19 11:57:34

A fiver for a dress, £3 for a shirt, £5 for trousers, the bus fares to get to the charity shops, etc etc - it all adds up. My DC went to a very socially diverse school (far more so than the one described upthread with midwives and district nurses and one delivery driver grin) and a fiver was what some kids got for their entire week’s lunch money. There were levels poverty that I was shocked by - and yet a couple of miles away there were families like us living in very different circumstances. I’m glad they had the school experience they did, it made us all very much more aware of the real challenges faced by some families.

knspol Wed 10-Jul-19 12:02:40

What about if you can only get to the school straight from work in your overalls to see your child pick up a prize??? You should be denied entry due to an effort to stop morons turning up in vests, shorts and flip flops???

knickas63 Wed 10-Jul-19 12:02:41

Smart Casual is a generic description that covers a lot of things. I think it is basically to ensure no one turns up in bikini tops and shorts, or shirtless in the case of men. Don't take offense - I am sure none was meant. And this is someone who is pathologically opposed to being told what to do!

Kim19 Wed 10-Jul-19 12:05:35

I pretty much decide what I'm going to wear to a function on receipt of the invitation. I consider myself able to manage 'occasion appropriate'. However, I'm perfectly happy with guideline suggestions. What happens if someone is considered to be inappropriately attired? Are they excluded? And.....who decides?

maddyone Wed 10-Jul-19 12:05:40

Perhaps the dress code is to stop people turning up in their pyjamas. When I was teaching, parents actually turned up to collect their children in pyjamas!
I agree with issuing a dress code because all too often people don’t understand the unwritten standards of dress and turn up to places dressed as if ready for bed, or for the beach.

gillybob Wed 10-Jul-19 12:06:02

You could always stand at the back on newspaper knspol wink

SirChenjin Wed 10-Jul-19 12:06:55

grin

icanhandthemback Wed 10-Jul-19 12:07:20

It seems it is reasonable to be offended by anything these days. A dress code just gives a heads up to what would be appropriate to wear. My son's school, (an independent school where money would be less of a problem for 95% of the parents and who tend to dress in a conservative fashion), state a dress code on most of their events.

annep1 Wed 10-Jul-19 12:09:58

I'm always glad of guidelines. Perhaps if they had said it was only a guideline as some folk may not have enough money to have a smart casual outfit.

annep1 Wed 10-Jul-19 12:10:55

I used to love dressing up for the theatre /orchestra. Now I look conspicuous if I do!

sandelf Wed 10-Jul-19 12:14:56

I guess there might be some parents/guests who genuinely do not realise this is a 'make an effort' occasion and this is a simple way to make it clear that no, your usual ripped jeans will not do. smile

aonk Wed 10-Jul-19 12:18:20

I’m a retired secondary school teacher. I and my colleagues used to make an effort with our appearance for Parents Evenings. Some teachers would even change after school for this. This showed that we felt that meeting the parents was important to us. I only wish that some of the parents felt this way about meeting their children’s teachers! A special occasion deserves an effort no matter what type of school it may be. After all we’re strict about the students’ uniforms so not to dress appropriately is the height of hypocrisy!

BassGrammy Wed 10-Jul-19 12:22:34

I actually think it’s very useful to be given a dress code. How many times have we been to events where we haven’t known what to wear! Smart casual indicates the type of event it is, people will interpret it differently anyway. Those who want to go in shorts and flip flops, still will, and they won’t care, but those who would like to know have been told! I’d far rather that than turn up inappropriately dressed.

Griselda Wed 10-Jul-19 12:23:44

Wouldn't parents know that? Presumably they know how special it is and will do their best for their child.

I think their idea of doing their best may be different from yours. I went to a school carol service in my gd's local church and several men did not remove their headgear. I found the red baseball cap sideways particularly offensive. I tried to tell myself that at least the man was supporting his child, but I failed !
Like you I live in north-west Leicestershire.

Jaycee5 Wed 10-Jul-19 12:39:15

I agree with Marmight. A dress code is so that people aren't embarrassed. For day wear it wouldn't make that much difference for women but it would be a bit annoying as a man to wear a suit and tie and then learn that you didn't need to.
Smart casual is fairly wide description.

dragonfly46 Wed 10-Jul-19 12:43:29

I quite like dress codes - when I read them! I once went to a company do in a posh chiffon dress and should have read the dress code was office wear. I felt a proper 'nana.

sodapop Wed 10-Jul-19 12:48:32

Oh dear things are getting a bit heated over this. I assume the school was merely making a suggestion and there will not be bouncers on the door to prevent those who are improperly dressed from entering.smile

Nanny27 Wed 10-Jul-19 12:56:04

I agree with most other posts who support the dress code but for the opposite reason. I would guess that a lot of parents might expect to dress up for a prize giving (my father would have definitely worn a suit). This 'smart casual' suggestion is to allow parents to be a little less formal.

Danlan Wed 10-Jul-19 12:56:12

I’m always grateful for a nod towards what’s expected from us in the clothes department. Being a veteran of numerous ceremonies I’ve loved seeing proud grannies in their hats smiled at laid back dads in smart chinos and a crisp shirt. I now know exactly what to wear but that’s because I’ve been to more than one ceremony.

Theoddbird Wed 10-Jul-19 12:56:29

I see no problem with it at all. It gives a sense of occasion to the event which is so important for the students.

gillybob Wed 10-Jul-19 12:58:04

I rarely go out anywhere special and last month my cousin offered me and my sister 2 spare tickets she had to a charity night on behalf of the RNLI . It was a river trip. I knew my sister had been on a few so I asked her what sort of thing I should wear. BIG MISTAKE ! she told me …. "no-one dresses up. Its all jeans, jumpers etc. and a thick warm coat as its freezing"

So there's me in my jeans, boots, jumper (with tee shirt under), padded coat etc. and everyone else was dressed up to the nines including my bloody sister ! I met 2 girls I used to go to grammar school with who were always way out of my league anyway, but looking like the clip I did, I felt like a piece of shit on their high heeled sandals. grin

It wasn't funny really !

grandtanteJE65 Wed 10-Jul-19 13:01:01

These days it is very difficult to know what to wear at various functions, so I would be pleased and not hurt by a dress code in an invitation.

Congratulations on the clever young man.

Septimia Wed 10-Jul-19 13:02:21

In a way, it's making sure that the event is special and that the children's efforts get the respect they deserve.

When you get individual people turning up for weddings or funerals (not themed events, which are a different matter) in football shirts and jeans, some guidance is perhaps needed.