Friens booked surprise concert. Don't want to go.

An odd odd thread

Your oldest and best friend

And yet you seem unable to be honest with her
And despite her knowing that you have a *Crystaltipps I do actually have a condition which means loud noise is unpleasant and she and her husband know.* goes ahead and books anyway.

This is not the dynamic between my best and oldest friend and I!

don't go

You’re not really good friends if you’re afraid to be honest with her.
Why didn’t you tell her honestly last time, that you were pleased to be invited, enjoyed her company but have realised that live concerts like this one, are really not your thing?

Just go to the meal and tell her before you are not able to go to the concert as it hurts your ears. It is no big deal. Or you could go with an open mind and may enjoy it. Choice is yours but the longer you leave it the bigger the deal it becomes and your friend with will wonder why you didn't just say something ... life is to short yo worry about the small things.

I would just say (as soon as possible), thank you but it isn’t really your thing and you won’t be going. Give her flowers...or a different present....maybe suggest you get together another time, and leave it at that. There’s no obligation to go, whether she’s paid for it or not. She really can’t control people, so she has to expect that even very good friends may not want to do this. If you can’t talk to her in person, I’m afraid, I would resort to a text or email, to get the message to her.

Please just tell her, asap. Tell her you weren’t truthful about enjoying it last time and that your ear condition really makes it an ordeal even with ear plugs. That you are sorry but will join in happily with everything else. She’s your oldest friend and I’m sure she will understand. But don’t leave it til the last minute! (You’ll feel so much better when you have told her?)

I hear you all. Will update you later today. I can't tell you the performers name as my name is not disguised and if any of the group is on Gransnet they will possibly make the connection.

annep1 whilst having your meal you could come up with a little white lie and say you have a pounding headache and don't feel well enough to go to the concert.

Do tell who's playing at this concert.

This a celebration for your friends so, they have, quite understandably, booked something they will enjoy. I see no problem, as others have suggested, that you accept the invitation to the meal but, explain that because of your hearing problems, you will give the concert a miss. If she has been your friend for so long, I cannot imagine she will take offence,
Go to the meal and enjoy it.

That's why honesty is the best policy.
If you tell someone that you like or have enjoyed something...10-1 you'll get more of the same.

warn her in good time about not attending the concert ( whatever reason you choose!) but go to the meal, she will have plenty of time to give the tickets to someone else. no point in avoiding the whole event

I presume as she's your 'best and oldest' friend that she would know what your likes& dislikes are? But maybe this is something you enjoyed together when you were both much younger perhaps?so you need to tell her you've outgrown these types of concerts,but that you would love to join her for the meal beforehand,but she can pass your concert ticket on to someone maybe younger& more appreciative of it ? Make sure she knows those concert days are behind you,& not to ask you again?maybe suggest a cinema or shopping trip or something next time?

What’s with all the passive aggressive nonsenses on here!
Just tell her you would love to come to the meal but the concert really isn’t your type of thing and would she like to give the tickets to someone else instead of them going to waste!
There! Easy!

We love our friends for many and varied reasons - not one of them is perfect? Not everyone gets it right every time. Some never seem to get it right but we love them and want them in our lives anyway!
If this situation is likely to reoccur you just need to weigh up the pros and cons. How unpleasant will attending be? How relieved will you be if you don’t attend? How about “ I’m really looking forward to the meal but after much thought we’re going to give the concert a miss. My hearing problem is at a stage when continued loud noise is very uncomfortable even with earplugs.”

If she's your "best and oldest friend", I don't really understand why it's so difficult to be straight with her? A best friend will not want you to do anything which makes you miserable and causes you pain. Just tell her!

Oops sorry I didn't read your first post correctly. You didn't pretend it was lovely after all. Then you can say no with a clear conscience.

I think you have to go, mainly because you decided - for the very nicest of reasons - to tell a white lie about enjoying it last time. But after this time tell her "I am not enjoying these things as much as I used to, I guess we all change as we get older" Hopefully she will bear that in mind when she draws up her next guest list.

Good Lord - someone has more money than sense, buying tickets without checking you'll 'love' it! Agree with the other posters, tell her that you just can't enjoy these loud events any more.

Oh annepl, I agree with Bridgeit, stella1949, & other GNs here. I think that one of the benefits of being older is feeling able to say "no" to things you really do not want to do. Especially when these things are visited upon you by others! (Hopefully it will also prevent the "friend" from ever doing this to you again.) My advice is to do it today! Please let us know how it turns out for you.....

oh dear! friends for all these years, and she doesn`t know you? I find that strange. perhaps that is why I don`t have many friends.

It sounds like she thinks whatever she wants to do you should fit in with. I think you need a power shift in the relationship. We all need to be sensitive to other people’s needs and not just push forward with our own agenda.

Crystaltipps: So lie then? Hmmmm.

Be honest! She is aware of your problem with loud noise so really should not be expecting you to go with or without earplugs!
You can at least go to the meal , there is no reason that you and your husband have to go to the concert if you don't want to and know you won't enjoy it. If she is any kind of friend, she will understand and support you even if she is disappointed. Time to break that "always done what she wanted" cycle.

We're with you annep!
Mind you, I'm very brave on paper but I'd probably be still dithering like you
But we'll all be supporting you whatever you decide to do (or sitting with you with our ear defenders on at the concert).