Gransnet forums


Friens booked surprise concert. Don't want to go.

(110 Posts)
annep1 Tue 23-Jul-19 14:31:00

Best and oldest friend has special anniversary soon. Has booked meal in nice hotel for ten of us. Also booked a tribute concert. Can't say which one in case I am recognised, but its very loud. We went with them last year (the way we were asked we couldnt say no) and I got through it with earplugs. My husband did not enjoy. Last time we visited she told me so that I would know to bring earplugs. Its going to be a possibly shock "surprise" for the others. I would be interested in hearing views. I am not looking forward to this. I would prefer to give her the cost and not go. It is so awkward. I would never book something that might not be someones taste. I know she means well. Shes a very kind person.

annep1 Tue 23-Jul-19 14:31:57


grannylyn65 Tue 23-Jul-19 14:36:15

‘Recognised’ ?????

crazyH Tue 23-Jul-19 14:37:05

I know how you feel...d.i.l. used to buy tickets for concert or shows that I am not remotely interested in. And she always buys a pair (very sweet and generous of her), my friends are never interested either. The last time I sold the tickets on gumtree......I told my d.i.l. ....she took the hint ....she hasn't done that since. She buys me clothes instead. I love them.

Lessismore Tue 23-Jul-19 14:39:08

Let me get this right, she has booked and paid for something you find so unpleasant you have to wear ear plugs?

annep1 Tue 23-Jul-19 14:41:57

Grannylyn65 what I mean is if one of our friends is on gransnet they might put 2 and 2 together.

Bridgeit Tue 23-Jul-19 14:42:00

Well, I think you have 3 choices, go & grit your teeth,or go but tell her you won’t go to the concert or the one you have already contemplated which is not to go. You could send her a bouquet of flowers with a note to that effect attached.
Ps as we get older I think we have earned the right to say no , best wishes

annep1 Tue 23-Jul-19 14:45:18

Lessismore yes. I um...told her last time that I had enjoyed it although I wouldn't have without earplugs. I'm such a coward. We didn't think she would book it again.

annep1 Tue 23-Jul-19 14:49:52

Bridget I intend going to the meal. I know we'll have a lovely time with a nice group of people. Flowers and a note sounds a good idea. I know she would not want me to pay for the tickets.

crystaltipps Tue 23-Jul-19 14:50:22

Tell her you are having hearing problems and have been advised not to be exposed to unnecessary loud noise, so thanks , but you will not be able to attend on this ( or any other) occasion. Or just - it’s very kind of you , but sorry it’s just not for me, please give my ticket to someone else. Arrange a nice lunch instead.

annep1 Tue 23-Jul-19 14:56:38

Crystaltipps I do actually have a condition which means loud noise is unpleasant and she and her husband know. We will all be at the hotel, most of us staying. It would have been much more pleasant to spend the evening there. I hope I don't sound like an old moan!

sodapop Tue 23-Jul-19 15:24:20

I think its time to tell your friend that your hearing problem makes concerts like this too difficult. If you continue this charade your friend will continue to buy tickets. Surely a real friend would understand this.

harrigran Tue 23-Jul-19 16:16:10

There comes a time when you just have to call a spade a shovel. I would not be happy at a concert like that and would say hearing/health does not allow for that level of volume even with earplugs.

lemongrove Tue 23-Jul-19 16:18:41

If you don’t want to say why you don’t want to go, then either you or your DH should arrange to be unwell the day before.A tummy bug should do it.

lemongrove Tue 23-Jul-19 16:19:41

However, if she can take the truth, tell her.Just go for the meal?

SpringyChicken Tue 23-Jul-19 16:52:25

This could be a recurring problem if you don't tell your friend the truth. Maybe she already knows deep down. It could even be construed as a little bit sneaky of her to manoeuvre you all into going. Just say you have a confession to make, you told a white lie to save her feelings at the previous concert and you can't face another one.

EllanVannin Tue 23-Jul-19 17:24:04

I'm blowed if I'd be coerced into something I didn't particularly enjoy . Just politely tell her you'll give it a miss this time.

Urmstongran Tue 23-Jul-19 18:06:34

I like your take on this SpringyChicken

BlueBelle Tue 23-Jul-19 18:17:33

I m afraid I be afraid of hurting her so I d go and put up with it for a couple of hours

annep1 Tue 23-Jul-19 18:56:40

Bluebelle that's what I usually do. And that's why I have this problem now.
Incidentally I asked them to come to a live broadcast of Small Island recently, our treat, and they just said thanks but no we'll pass on that.
Having read all the advice I think I won't go. I love my friend. I've known her since I was five and I've always done what she wanted. But I really would find this stressful and my husband just doesn't like it.
I think I will be brave and tell the truth as Springychicken suggested with some nice flowers. I don't want to tell lies and anyway it doesn't solve it long term as Sodapop said.
Thanks for all your views and suggestions. I will update you when I've told her- probably in a weeks time. I can't wait to see the faces of the others when she presents them with their tickets at dinner! I think some won't be too pleased.
Thanks again.

Callistemon Tue 23-Jul-19 19:33:41

If you let her know in time, she will be able to invite someone else to the concert or perhaps sell the tickets.

There's no point in going and both suffering.

I was going to say 'suffering in silence' which wasn't appropriate in this case - but suffering and saying nothing.

annep1 Tue 23-Jul-19 19:55:36

Callistemon well put ?. Yes I will tell her in time. They aren't expensive but she could possibly give them to someone else.

Tangerine Tue 23-Jul-19 21:33:02

As you genuinely have a condition which makes loud concerts difficult, why not just tell her?

You say you've mentioned the condition before so she ought not to be too surprised.

If you can't face doing this, just go and take the earplugs.

NfkDumpling Tue 23-Jul-19 22:10:07

Concerts and bands these days are so very loud. I feel sure amplifiers weren't as strong in our youth. I can't take it either. Concerts and bands in our local pub are out. Hurts my ears to such an extent I feel ill. It seems to be quite a common condition for older persons.

As you're enthusiastic about going to the rest of it - the meal etc, I'm sure your friend will understand and won't want you to suffer.

MissAdventure Tue 23-Jul-19 22:19:07

I always think "will the absence of me ruin this persons day/week/life?" and the answer, without fail is "No".

Be brave, ann; its very empowering.