Friens booked surprise concert. Don't want to go.

A few years ago I went with some people at work to a bowling alley. We had hired a minibus. I have a hearing problem, and the 'music' was so loud it hurt me. I went into the cloakroom to escape, but the music was in there as well. So I spent the evening sitting on the kerb in the car park. I vowed then I would never again be forced to do something I didn't want to. Even though some of them called me an old grouch!

?. It really does help MissAdventure.

Just imagine all of us gently standing behind you, giving you a little shove.

I've posted on here about things I've struggled with, and that has really helped.

Yes, good advice. I shall endeavour to sort this later as nicely as possible.

Good advice from SpringyChicken

Annep1, you are procrastinating, putting off the dreaded deed! Tell her today and you can get some sleep.

I like a phrase which I've learned from reading Mumsnet posts - just say " I'm sorry but that won't work for me". That is all you have to say . Just 8 words and move on.

Good morning!
As you can tell I am lying awake thinking about this. Yes it's very very awkward and perhaps if I was a bit braver/assertive it wouldn't have happened.
I think its risky booking something for others but thats not my reason for not wanting to go. I physically don't feel able to enjoy it. And a concert with earplugs is never going to be really enjoyable. I'm rambling. Think I'll try to get back to sleep.

Oh dear, what an awkward situation for you.

Were I in your shoes, I would go, with earplugs this time and try to enjoy the meal and company but afterwards tell her that these concerts give you such a headache (in all sense of the word, so you'll not be fibbing) and could she please let you know in advance if she plans something like that again. Emphasis you very much appreciated the thought and gesture but.......

I am sure she would be mortified to know her kindness has caused such distress.

Thanks again ladies. I have thought about this problem for days and it was so helpful to be able to ask for advice on Gransnet.

I always think "will the absence of me ruin this persons day/week/life?" and the answer, without fail is "No".

Be brave, ann; its very empowering.

Concerts and bands these days are so very loud. I feel sure amplifiers weren't as strong in our youth. I can't take it either. Concerts and bands in our local pub are out. Hurts my ears to such an extent I feel ill. It seems to be quite a common condition for older persons.

As you're enthusiastic about going to the rest of it - the meal etc, I'm sure your friend will understand and won't want you to suffer.

As you genuinely have a condition which makes loud concerts difficult, why not just tell her?

You say you've mentioned the condition before so she ought not to be too surprised.

If you can't face doing this, just go and take the earplugs.

Callistemon well put ?. Yes I will tell her in time. They aren't expensive but she could possibly give them to someone else.

If you let her know in time, she will be able to invite someone else to the concert or perhaps sell the tickets.

There's no point in going and both suffering.

I was going to say 'suffering in silence' which wasn't appropriate in this case - but suffering and saying nothing.

Bluebelle that's what I usually do. And that's why I have this problem now.
Incidentally I asked them to come to a live broadcast of Small Island recently, our treat, and they just said thanks but no we'll pass on that.
Having read all the advice I think I won't go. I love my friend. I've known her since I was five and I've always done what she wanted. But I really would find this stressful and my husband just doesn't like it.
I think I will be brave and tell the truth as Springychicken suggested with some nice flowers. I don't want to tell lies and anyway it doesn't solve it long term as Sodapop said.
Thanks for all your views and suggestions. I will update you when I've told her- probably in a weeks time. I can't wait to see the faces of the others when she presents them with their tickets at dinner! I think some won't be too pleased.
Thanks again.

I m afraid I be afraid of hurting her so I d go and put up with it for a couple of hours

I like your take on this SpringyChicken

I'm blowed if I'd be coerced into something I didn't particularly enjoy . Just politely tell her you'll give it a miss this time.

This could be a recurring problem if you don't tell your friend the truth. Maybe she already knows deep down. It could even be construed as a little bit sneaky of her to manoeuvre you all into going. Just say you have a confession to make, you told a white lie to save her feelings at the previous concert and you can't face another one.

However, if she can take the truth, tell her.Just go for the meal?

If you don’t want to say why you don’t want to go, then either you or your DH should arrange to be unwell the day before.A tummy bug should do it.

There comes a time when you just have to call a spade a shovel. I would not be happy at a concert like that and would say hearing/health does not allow for that level of volume even with earplugs.

I think its time to tell your friend that your hearing problem makes concerts like this too difficult. If you continue this charade your friend will continue to buy tickets. Surely a real friend would understand this.

Crystaltipps I do actually have a condition which means loud noise is unpleasant and she and her husband know. We will all be at the hotel, most of us staying. It would have been much more pleasant to spend the evening there. I hope I don't sound like an old moan!