I'm hurt and unsure whether to get in touch with them

The friendship is over, husband too by the sounds of it. you confided in a so called friend who obviously downloaded onto her husband and get him all worked up. Most likely they all worked themselves up against you. To treat you that way in a public place is threatening and maybe alcohol fueled. Would send the message that you no longer wish to see them again. I had an incident like this very ill at the time organising a family doo with friends, some came with an axe to grind especially my husbands step daughter, ended in big row. told them all where to go and have not spoken to them since 3 years later, I am happier have moved on and now only let the few into my life. No husband did not stand up for me not that night, but I gave him the ultimatum me or them and he has been loyal about that, and we now lead a peaceful life together. although being attacked is pretty nasty experience and not easily forgotten. Rise above it and move on, if husband digs his heals in leave him behind with them.

How dare they treat you like that? I don't care if you've known them since Adam was in his cradle, they had no right as all to make personal statements - and to SHOUT at you? Well, that takes the biscuit.

But I suspect they will want to carry on the dubious friend ship because he at least is a total bully who saw he could upset you and your husband didn't defend you.
He will have swelled with power at all that! You are potential prey to him.

So you have made the absolutely right decision to never, ever see or contact these horrid people again.
Don't be swayed and if they decide to drop in unexpectedly, tell them you are on your way to Afghanistan to join the anti-insurgent forces.

I don't offload or moan about private stuff to friends, I deal with it myself.

I can't see the value of telling friends all your woes or your business.
Some 'friends' can't always keep their counsel and, if you fall out with them, bad luck. Everything you've ever said might well be repeated and even embroidered.
Not a good idea.

You don't need those friends. They aren't friends anyway by the sound of it.

Glad you feel closer to your husband today.

If he's usually good to you, try and put the incident in the past.

Starlady you are right. I'm so glad I won't be seeing them again. To be honest, me and my husband actually feel closer today. Thank you for your reply.

"Also their kids have never left home. They're aged 43 and 38!"

So they can add hypocrisy to their "crimes" - telling you to focus more on DH than your AC, but meanwhile, enabling AC who have "failed to launch," as they say.

And come to think of it, if they really felt it was important to advise you to spend more time w/ DH, they should have said that to you privately, not right in front of him. Granted, they shouldn't be trying to tell you how to conduct your life, but to do it right in front of one of the people who would be affected by the advice - blimey! It was just one wrong on top of another. I'm glad they're out of your life now and that, at the same time, you and DH seem to have patched things up.

Gill, I haven't ever moaned about my husband to them. But I have moaned about my kids. My kids and theirs played together when they were all young. Also their kids have never left home. They're aged 43 and 38!

What a dreadful thing to happen, we have all, I am sure, had a good moan about our DH to good friends, and we must be able to feel safe in the knowledge that this will not be broadcast. You have done the right thing by clearing the air with your husband and then dropping this couple, they are not friends, and as there was not even the excuse of alcohol to pardon their terrible bullying behaviour, you will have to conclude that they are nasty, plain and simple. Put them out of your mind and look forward to retirement with your lovely DH.

Thank you everyone for your excellent words. I am not going to get in touch with them. I think by the many missed calls per day that they know what they have done. I have always told my husband (just not everything) about everything, especially to do with my 3 children (none are his) and my 4 grand children. We have had several good chats together since then and he definately says he got sucked into the whole thing. He is so sorry and wish he could turn the clocks back. No, they were not drunk as my friend's husband does not drink, ever. I still feel hurt but I cannot have them in my life. My mam used to say that I was too open and honest and I told my friend lots of things and it has turned around and bit me. Well no more, I have learned my lesson.

Unless I’m ready this wrongly, your husband didn’t come out of it very well, but at least realises how much he’s upset you, and seems genuinely sorry, maybe it started out in a bit of a jokey way, and then turned nasty .

Your friends though, sound really nasty, were they drunk? I admit there are very few things I keep from my husband, but he’d never repeat them, and as for making personal comments about you, unbelievable!

Withdraw with dignity, don’t lower yourself to have anything else to do with them

Reading this thread has reminded me of something similar with some of my girl friends who have a bit of a hero worship thing going on with my husband!

I don’t mean in a sexual way but in that he is very handy and cracks on with jobs, diy, housework, cooking whatever and some of them have had men who were useless albeit they were wealthy.

I’ve long noticed my husband positively beaming, and puffing out his chest when they compliment him or tell me how fortunate I am to have him (I know and I do tell him) but I can get a little irritated when it goes on and on. It’s like having a little boy who needs a gold star from all and sundry!

To OP, only you can decide whether the friendship is worth salvaging, and you don’t have to explain yourself either - they will be aware of the reasons why.

Some people would cause trouble in an empty house.
How sad their lives must be, they should get out more that's all I can say.
A wide berth would be in order and ignore their existence, it's easy to do you don't need people like that around you.

My dear old Mum used to have a great term for this sort of woman, 'my best friend, I hate her'. I have one myself whom I've known (on and off as you can imagine) for 40 years. But only the two of us meet which means I've never felt ganged up on (that must have been awful for you) but she can be a nightmare sometimes with her rude comments and I think, 'That's it, I'm not seeing her again'. 40 years of knowing someone is a long time though, and I understand why you feel torn. Definitely ignore the pair for the time being though...if they were sorry for being nasty where are the flowers etc? Thank you everyone for all the 'my husband wouldn't have stuck up for me either' .... I'm not alone then!

I agree with fizzles last paragraph!

I wonder if your husband has ‘confided’ — moaned — about you to them in the same way you have and they have taken the view he needs some support?
Of course I’m not agreeing with that statement, just wondering.
Even so they seem to have been very aggressive, and very personal about your looks.
Seems to me they found a way to let their personal feelings out under the guise of ‘advice’.
How ever you do it leave them to themselves.
But I would be a bit more questioning of my husband (if I were you) to see if he is as happy with the marriage as you are.

I don't think they fully understand how upset you are so you should tell them.

It began by you confiding in your friend and then she turned it against you - in public. Unforgivable in my book.
Grounds for divorce too although perhaps he gets another chance.

I would have walked out but I suppose you were trapped.

Long ago I was in a kind-of similar situation . I was newly married and with DH, my Inlaws and his uncles and aunts.
One of the uncles began teasing me and pretending to pour beer down my cleavage. I was only young and had no experience of dealing with silly men.
He was rather drunk and the beer did spill. Instead of reprimanding his uncle, my DH tried to make light of it and joked as though I was taking it too seriously.
I was covered in sticky beer and ran off to our room crying.
Even he could not understand why I didn't rejoin the party!!

Sometimes it's great to have a good old bitch and moan and put the world to rights with likeminded friends, what's not good is when that friend goes and passes everything on to her OH, who in turn uses that information against you. I would drop these two like hot coals.

Dear God some of my friends partners would die if they knew what I knew! I would not tell a single soul let alone use it against them

I would be inclined to text them that you feel very hurt and have no wish to see them again. Keep it short. Delete them and bar the number. I certainly would not bother with a letter. Your husband probably got caught up in the moment, so it is important to move on and not let it spoil your relationship with him, especially as he has recognised that he was in the wrong.

They are not 'friends'. Ignore them and forget about them now. They will get the message. Tell your husband what you are going to do so he knows. The argument with your husband was due to their behaviour. You are now home so revert back to how you and your husband normally are with each other. In another few days you will feel a lot better as you will have taken a decision and moved on. Don't worry anymore about this anymore, please. You will not bump into them in your area!

Agree with Starlady, end it

Block their number from your phone that should be!

Not good friends to be having. I'd drop them like a hot potato. The problem with letting them know that you don't want to communicate/visit any more is it leaves them with comeback and apologies and cajoling etc. But then again with today's technology you can just block their number from their phone. Good luck. And I am sure your husband has learned his lesson.

Putting on weight is not a crime....how dare they?

My OH is another who loves to be told that he should be cosseted and laps up that sort of attention without any thought that I might not be amused. It's a case of put up with it or row about it. The choice is yours.

'Friends' being that rude are not friends.

Please don't let them drag you into a back and forth argument about whether or not to end the friendship. Just tell them it's over and don't respond or just block them after that.

So sorry this happened to you whywhywhy. How dreadful!

I disagree somewhat w/ sodapop, it's my DH I would be most upset with. He's supposed to be in my corner. However, perhaps he felt hurt by the fact that you have made negative comments about him to your friend. And maybe the comments about needing to spend more time w/ him hit a nerve. Perhaps despite hobbies, etc., he really would like more time together? That's lovely, IMO, though he should have told you in private.

Yes, he has apologized, but has he indicated that he gets what he did wrong? IMO, you need to tell him that in the future, you expect him to stand up for you, and that if he agrees w/ the others, he needs to tell you that afterwards and in private. He doesn't have to pretend to agree w/ you if he doesn't, but he should say, "Don't disrespect my wife" or the like or change the subject. He certainly shouldn't gang up on you w/ other people! If you bring this to his attention and he understands, I think you'll feel better.

As for the "friends," I don't blame you for cutting them off. To my knowledge, it's common for spouses to share information w/ each other, even things told "in confidence." Perhaps you and DH don't do this, but my DH and I do, and also most couples we know. So I'm not surprised that the wife told her husband what you confided in her. But that did not give him leave to start in on you or them to gang up on you that way. And commenting on your appearance was way out of line and simply very bad manners.

I agree w/ dragonfly that you should let them know you're done and then stick to it. Their constant efforts to reach you suggest they're sorry, but I don't see how you (general) could come back from that horrible day. Also, their persistence, sad to say, shows a lack of respect (again) for your feelings. Clearly, you don't wish to talk to them right now, but they want it their way. Hopefully, if you write or email them that you want no further contact, they will back off. If not, just block their phone calls, etc. and move on. xx