.. to wonder what happened to manners?

Out with my grandchildren last week, the youngest aged just 8 held the door open several times for strangers to sail through without one thank you. Makes me so angry.

It sounds more like a parent with lots of children than a teacher with a group of children.

Unfortunately, each generation has ill mannered people as your thread points out. Both children and adults had no manners in your case. Every generation does get worse because those children will know no better and go onto have children of their own! Help! ,

I know from working and visiting primary schools in Derbyshire and Nottinghamshire, teachers and other staff work hard to teach respect and manners and remind children. When I listen to some of the parents outside I see why their children have no manners etc.

Some have said it but a witty cutting remark hits home with adults and a follow up Thank you to children makes them look up. Sometimes!

EllanVannin - I'm another who has perfected the withering look ...................... learned from my Mum. I've sent 'out-of-control kids in supermarkets' scurrying back to their totally oblivious mummies with just one look, on more than one occasion!

Rockgran Love that - I think I'll use it myself!

Children also need to learn that 'no' isn't the end of the world and they can cope with the disappointment. They learn resilience and patience that way.

Rockgran, I usually say loudly 'You're welcome' , which leaves them nonplussed. But I think yours is better!

Thoughtfulness costs nothing. I prefer to call it that rather than 'manners' which sounds more Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells! But call it what you will - we brought our daughters up to be thoughtful and considerate and they are, as far as I can see. That means 'do as you would be done by' too, and as a family that's what we're trying to teach the grandchildren.

However...I have to confess that I've not always been considerate. It took DD1 to point it out. Depression and anxiety meant I had a short fuse and was pretty grumpy which of course has an effect on other people.
Now recovered, I make an effort to curb any grumps, smile and think of other people who have just as much right to 'be there' as I do (for example). Sorry, badly put, but you know what I mean!
Result: you find yourself chatting to people, seeing smiles, having thanks or help reciprocated, and it makes everyone feel better. Just pay it forward, as they say. Or try to do so. Life's too short not to.

I get annoyed when I'm treated like a doorman. Go through a door and hold it open for the person behind but they just walk through leaving me holding the door. I just say "you're welcome " very loudly

DaisyL...you have mentioned something there which people seem to forget...bad manners might affect a child's ability to get work. No matter how well-qualified you are, if you're ill-mannered and have no respect, you might not get that job you studied so hard for.

Let it go - it’s obviously nagging at you - don’t let it. There must be many times when you haven’t been disappointed with a stranger’s manners

One step-grandchild is 16 today - when I asked her if she would like something that she wanted badly as a present she said 'OK Yeah'. I explained at the time this wasn't the answer I was expecting. I then sent her a text saying that a gift voucher would be on its way shortly and her response was 'Fine'. I have now sent the gift voucher with a letter explaining to her why manners are important, She will find it much easier to get a job if she says please and thank you, smiles and apologises when she is wrong. All the qualifications in the world won't get you a good job if you have terrible manners (unless you intend to be a research scientist working in isolation). I feel a bit harsh, but her mother doesn't tell her as she thinks that it will make her children hate her! Article in the Daily Mail yesterday about parents who believe it is wrong to say 'no' to their children! What lovely adults they're going to turn into!

Whether you were in the doorway or not is irrelevant. ‘Excuse me please’ would be a well mannered, respectful way of talking to you rather than barging past and is what the teacher should be expecting from the pupils. It’s nothing to do with age, generations, or anything else. Just pure decency. I’m afraid, I think that some parents perceive that they don’t have the time to teach this, to their children...and sadly don’t think it’s that important for themselves either, so the kids can’t learn through example. I’m so pleased I bothered to bring my children up to be respectful and polite and even if they had done nothing else with their lives, I am proud of them for that.

The trouble is young people don't see us, we are completely invisible (unless they want something from us). We are blamed for everything from global warming to Brexit! Manners, well they don't exist in the world. I was in Cambridge at the weekend (folk festival), just had a knee replacement, walking sticks, got up to get off the bus, two young tourists got on, looked at me like I should get out of their way, bus Driver did nothing (I expect he thought he couldn't offend them by asking them to get off to allow me to get off). It's a mad world.

I honestly don't think please and thank you are taught to children any more. I had a picnic with adult grandaughter and her two children yesterday. I produced a packet of bisuits, passed them around and not one of them said thank you. I deliberately said thank you to each as they took one, but got no response whatsoever! Instead of saying anything, I actually felt like maybe it was me being an old fuddy duddy to expect it!

I believe this is called 'free expression'...allowing children to behave in whatever way comes naturally, without parameters. It certainly reflects badly on human nature.

Felice. I must remember that to say next time it happens as it most definitely will before long. I often think of something long after they have gone. Too late then. But I love your comment. I dread to think how things will turn out in the future with no manners, morals or conscience which is definitely the way things are going.

I recently sent my niece £350. Not a single text, email or thank you letter. She is nearly 17 and I believe that there is no excuse.
It is the last present she will ever receive from me. I recently sent my niece £350.
Not a single text, email or thank you.
It is the last gift she will ever receive from me.

My brother regularly, when someone has let go a shop door in his face, apologises loudly. Sometimes gets a response, but not always!
I have on occasion, when a group of people tried to barge past without an "excuse me" stepped back even further in their way and said "Pardon ?"

I once stepped backwards, was bumped into, and apologised. Later found out that he had picked my pocket. Purse, keys and train tickets to get the family home. At least I was polite!

If someone fails to say "Thank you" or "Sorry", I say loudly
"Don't mention it... oh you didn't!" Makes me feel better anyway.

correction I've done that for.

Sorry for your experience Paperback. I remember, again in Marks and Spencers, holding the door open for a woman (very young) with a pushchair, she breezed past without any acknowledgement, I said "thank you is the word you are searching for" her riposte "I don't have to thank you" me "I don't have to hold the door open for you!" Took my breath away, when I was loaded up with pushchairs/prams etc. I really appreciated anyone who offered such a gesture. However, I would add she isn't the norm., everyone else I've done that has been very gracious, which is good because the world is a better place with manners imo.

Sadly, this sort of behaviour has become the norm these days. These children are the future of our country. Doesn't bode well, does it?

I saw a woman picking her feet in M & S café and decided then that was it all manners gone.

As I was about to enter the toilets at Morrisons once, someone was about to exit, so I stood back to let her through first, only to be rewarded with a scowl and a muttered "oh for *&$@'s sake".

I challenged her, and it turned out that I'd stood in the wrong place - apparently I should have stood to the other side so she didn't have to go to the trouble of walking round me to leave the store . She got a very loud and scathing dressing down from me, which left several nearby customers laughing at her - very satisfying