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Driving with someone on the car

(76 Posts)
Peonyrose Fri 09-Aug-19 15:16:06

I don’t know whether anyone else has this problem. Unable to drive with a passenger in the car, I don’t concentrate as I should, sone of my friends have decided they are not going to drive anymore and automatically think I am eager to give lifts. The opposite is true. They will go somewhere on public transport and expect me to take them home. I feel
mean spirited but it spoils my outings.

Baggs Fri 09-Aug-19 15:42:37


Tell your friends, perhaps, of your concentration problem and say that because of that you do not feel it would be morally right for you to give them lifts.

Any chance you could also go by public transport when you know the lift-wanters are going to the same thing?

EllanVannin Fri 09-Aug-19 15:46:02

Tell them to sit in the back and shut up. Away from your rear view mirror, of course.

Pantglas1 Fri 09-Aug-19 15:52:13

I’m happy to do lifts for others when I have nothing else planned after any event but I’m usually combining a couple of other calls so can’t always oblige.

I can’t tell you how often I’ve had grumpy sighs, pulled faces , and a few times, suggestions I ought to cancel t’other errands!

Shropshirelass Fri 09-Aug-19 15:58:51

I hate someone talking while I am driving, it is too distracting! My husband talks a lot and as I always drive (he has health issues) I have to ask him to be quiet so that I can concentrate. I don't need distractions inside when there are plenty outside the car!

Calendargirl Fri 09-Aug-19 16:01:43

When I read the title to this thread, I had visions of a GN’er driving with someone spread-eagled over the bonnet!

Nonnie Fri 09-Aug-19 16:03:36

I understand as I always feel I make more mistakes if there is someone else in the car. However the more I drive the same person the easier it gets. Far prefer to be driven though, always have.

SirChenjin Fri 09-Aug-19 16:09:37

Me too Calendar grin

I suppose this issue is - do you want to drive them? If so, what can you do to reduce distractions within the car? Stick them in the back like Ellan says? Tell them you must drive in silence? Get a couple of driving lessons to get used to driving with other people in the car again?

If, on the other hand, you don't want to drive them then just say no, you're finding it increasingly difficult to drive if there's someone in the car and you're worried you'll have a crash.

FlexibleFriend Fri 09-Aug-19 16:20:03

You're not a taxi or there for the convenience of others, so tell them no and explain why and keep the car for yourself.

Namsnanny Fri 09-Aug-19 16:38:14

Peonyrose….I'm just like you!

I had a long period when I didn't worry, but then I was inveigled into giving a lift to a particularly over confidant (know all!) person who would insist on giving me advice on how to drive and what lane to take etc., which led to an accident, and I lost confidence.

The loss of confidence led to another small parking accident, and now I find it hard to drive even with my husband in the car!! blush.

Whether your friends understand or not I couldn't say, but lest you end up like me, I would refuse!

eazybee Fri 09-Aug-19 16:52:08

I find it difficult to drive with passengers because I have driven solo for so many years after the children grew up, and I get distracted by their conversation. But as for the friends who decide they won't drive any more but you can drive them home, in different directions, no doubt, what a cheek!
Suggest a kitty for petrol money?

Fennel Fri 09-Aug-19 17:26:18

It's a big responsibility driving with a passenger these days. The roads are so busy.
I decided to stop driving a few months ago after nearly having a terrible accident, and it's a relief. I used to often give people a lift, but they do start to take advantage.
The exception would have been a close relative such as my Mum, who never learned to drive. She would prattle on the whole journey. I got a speed ticket once when I was listening to her and missed a camera sign.

M0nica Fri 09-Aug-19 17:41:59

I am finding this thread interesting because I was about to start a thread about drivers talking to the front seat passenger when driving.

I was always taught never to turn and look at the passenger whentalking, but to keep your eyes and concentration on the road ahead. Recently I have noticed an increasing number of drivers turning to look at their passenger when they talk to them. I find this quite frightening, because that is the way accidents occur - as much as taking your eye of the road to phone or text. I absolutely agree with Peonyrose about being taken advantage of, but for those who lose attention, analysising what you do when listening or talking to people might give you a salutary surprise.

gillybob Fri 09-Aug-19 17:59:24

I often drive with 4 children in the car . It’s very distracting but I can’t exactly gag them.

jura2 Fri 09-Aug-19 18:02:20

Find it difficult with someone on the car for sure, lol.
Honestly, I love driving- but I am far more careful and patient when I have passengers- as I myself can be a nervous passenger (since I was so badly injured in a car crash due to very bad driving years ago- resulting in months in hospital and rehab and recently 2 knee replacements).

Namsnanny Fri 09-Aug-19 18:06:54

jura2....well, not surprised you feel nervous! I hope the knee replacements are helping? flowers

gillybob….I used to be like you. Car full of children, out for the day full of chatter. Lovely smile

Peonyrose Fri 09-Aug-19 19:47:39

Honestly I typed in the car, I too have visions of someone lying over the windscreen.
It's not about the cost, I just feel so uncomfortable driving people, I tried asking them to be quiet, they take offence, they don't care if it's not on my way home, I find myself making excuses not to meet up, I tried saying I lacked confidence with someone in the car, but the barbed comments made me uncomfortable, they can have a drink and I can't and so I feel resentful on top of everything. I feel so guilty feeling as I do.

Baggs Fri 09-Aug-19 19:52:02

With friends like that you don't need enemies, peonyrose! They sound an unpleasant bunch. You don't need to feel guilty.

Pantglas1 Fri 09-Aug-19 19:54:58

That’s what they rely on Peonyrose, so just smile sweetly and say sorry, I’m calling on my daughter,friend,sister,bank, supermarket, solicitor, swimming pool, charity shop whatever! You need to be as hard faced as them and then they’ll stop.

M0nica Fri 09-Aug-19 20:02:13

I too get very irritated with people who ask for lifts and expect you to drive miles out of your way. It is difficult to know what to say when people ask for lifts. Could you pretend that you are going somewhere else on the way home. 'Sorry, I have to drop into Tesco at (a town 10 miles in the opposite direction) to collect something, or similar, until they get the message.

DH has a rule that no car journey should be for one thing only. This morning we went out to buy petrol, collect his prescription from the surgery and call into Argos to collect something. Could you do something similar, or offer to drop them at the bus stop or railway station?

Peonyrose Fri 09-Aug-19 20:03:49

You are spot on Pantglass, they are nice people but in this respect selfish, some even have a car, get a bus to meet up but a lift home. I know I would never do that. Thanks everyone.

Marydoll Fri 09-Aug-19 20:23:24

I was giving my daughter and her fiancé a lift the other day and I had to eventually ask her to be quiet. (It wasn't quite as polite as that.)
She was going on and on about something , while I was driving in torrential rain. I could hardly see, as the wipers couldn't cope and she was wittering on beside me! angry

It's not just her, I find it quite distracting to have a passenger, especially my husband, who will start telling me how to drive. Grrrrrr!

ninathenana Fri 09-Aug-19 22:16:20

I have to say chatty passengers don't bother me.

I make a point of not turning to look at my passenger. If I need to really concentrate I just say "hang on" DH and others understand. Then pick up the conversation when able.

Tangerine Fri 09-Aug-19 22:25:35

Are your friends the type of people who would take notice of you if you said you found it difficult to hold long and detailed conversations while driving?

I don't mind giving people lifts if it's not too far out of my way. One day I might have a health problem and have to give up driving and be in their position.

Calpurnia Fri 09-Aug-19 22:35:28

I am getting more nervous about driving these days. I do find a lot of drivers are very impatient and aggressive too.

I will tell you what else makes me nervous at times..... driving my now retired driving instructor and driving examiner husband!

I feel I am in my driving test every day when we go out! I half expect him to take out a clipboard and mark down my minor faults!

Once as we travelled to a supermarket we have used for years he absent mindedly said to me... “ I would like you to take the next road on the right....”

I much prefer to drive alone!