Angry with OH

Tillybelle I can assure you there's never been anything that could be even be remotely described as LONG in relation to my OH. Apart from vertically height wise.
Oh that sounds even worse now!

SirChenjinn I stopped OH wearing shorts years ago as he's got very long legs the width of pipe cleaners and looked ridiculous wearing them.

I would love to wear a pair of shorts but am too fat. I recently picked up a pair of men's XL knee length shorts in a charity shop to secretly try on but couldn't get them above my knees so had to donate them back.
Some men look lovely in shorts, not many but some. I don't think I've ever seen Monty in a pair though.

jura2 you must have a heart of gold after your plans to hide an eyesore were wrecked. I'd have been round there on my mobility scooter with a petrol bomb.

???

The is only one word for my OH with a pair of shears and that's "Desert Storm".

Perhaps Monty saves his shorts for when he's butchering his wife's shrubs? Don't imagine he hasn't - I bet she's got a tale or two to tell

Not meaning to upset anyone, but I had no idea that burying dead pets and growing stalks instead of flowers could be so hilarious and I did so need a good cheer up. To think I only looked at the thread because my dear great aunt also used to say 'I'm so mad I could spit'. Haven't heard that expression for years and I do so miss it/her. Thank you CaroDane. My OH's last foray into the garden ended with most of the plants mowed and a broken mower. He's not been in the garden since - I am absolutely certain he did it to get out of years of gardening. And what is it with men and blackout curtains ... ?

SirChenjin. Ahh! I see. Why do they need to chop things off in the first place though? One might think this would cause them at least to wince a little?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

What a hilarious thread. Thank you all you long suffering people for sharing and brightening up the day.

I’m afraid in our family I’m the one who has to be kept away from the pruners! DH calls me ‘slash and burn’!

Seems to be a 'thing' with certain men, to prune and hack to death.
My poor MiL was once heartbroken when she came home after a short visit to find that FiL had absolutely cut down a pear tree she really loved. Don't think she ever quite got over that.

In later years, after Mil was gone, we had to keep our garden shears well hidden from FiL - all he ever wanted to do was hack at things or pull them up. He once raked our back lawn so hard it never recovered - we had to get it re-turfed the following spring. Just as well it's only a little one.

I had a Buddleia in full flower and OH decided that was the time to prune it to within an inch of its life. I could not believe he thought he was doing a good thing.
As for chocolate he knows not to touch.

.....be happy you still have him to nag....I wish mine was still here.
My advice ...buy more chocs and find more hiding places...but hide the gardening tools.
Win win ?

Thank you all, this thread has made me laugh until I cried. For what it's worth, my DH is exactly the same, he's just mowed the lawn but cannot be trusted to do anything else in the garden without strict supervision and NO chocolate is safe in our house.

Isn't this hilarious thread a wonderful contrast to all the other 'doom and gloom' ones around now?

I have been sitting here actually howling with laughter at all the funny tales you have all shared, so thank you all so much, and special thanks to CaroDane for starting it.

My OH knows nothing about how or what to prune anything. If he mentions anything that may involve secateurs of any shape or form I am out there pretending to do some gardening. If not monitored he would decimate everything. Seems to be a man thing and as he doesn't eat chocolate I would have no come back other than murder!

I can sympathise, my OH displays similarly enthusiastic but misguided attempts in the garden and it’s so upsetting, last year it was the lavender walkway butchered to within an inch of its life plus weed and feeding the front lawn during a drought to a crisp. ?. However the feedback is sinking in and we haven’t had so many crises this year as he has had some specific tasks allocated ?. Forget the chocolate and drink wine, instant cure!

This thread is hilarious! Thank you to CaroDane and everyone who has contributed. As a lot of you have already said , CaroDane should have a blog, or better publish a book, maybe with cartoon illustrations. As an extreme example of this topic, the man next door, after his wife left him, has slashed back and removed all plants in what was her pretty garden, and has concreted terraced and paved the lot- not one living plant remains. And I’m talking a 120’ garden here!

Have really enjoyed this thread.Made me laugh at the trials of still having a DH.My late DH was definitely not a gardener and having sight problems did not help. Many things were annoying, but it’s still better to have someone to moan at and hide the chocolate from!! He could never find anything anyway, so any chocolate would probably have been safe!

Just wanted to say if anyone needs an alibi.........

Thank you for the hilarious posts Caro Dane, I am sure you werent pleased, but you have made us laugh.I hope your Japanese Maple survives, and is beautiful next year.

Oh I understand about the garden. I had noticed a little strawberry plant was growing by the shed. Hubby mowed it down when grass cutting. He has no idea about plants sadly. I had a lovely clematis growing through our conifers. It made them look like Christmas trees with the purple flowers showing through. He pulled the clematis up claiming it was spreading too far. He means well though.

Commiserations re. the pruning - my OH has been wielding the hedgetrimmer this morning. The thing which annoys me is seeing shrubs still in flower decimated, although miraculously he has left the camellia alone. What is even more annoying though is that generally the plants grow back even healthier; I think sometimes we can get a bit uptight about favourite plants when a bit of 'tough love' can do them a lot of good. But I do agree that your Japanese Maple could have done without a haircut.
My favourite story of OH creating carnage in the garden is in our previous house where I was very proud of a whole border of bronze-leaved dahlias coming into bud. OH came in to tell me he'd pulled up all those funny-looking weeds . I rushed out and replanted... later that summer they were the best display of dahlias I'd ever had.

Love this and specially Luckygirl cat stories .... just so funny.

Bring back the death penalty!

I've just got back in from Aldi so had a healthy lunch of a can of coke, buttered hot cross bun, packet of crisps and my choccy bar. Who says dieting can't be fun?

OH recently changed the car even though I actually wanted him to pack in driving. He was resolute that wasn't happening. Buying one was a nightmare, I might recount that story another time.
The car he bought is the first one we've ever had with rear parking sensors.
Yes gransnetters, you'll have already guessed it.
I was standing outside Currys in an empty space with parking for two cars and then a single bollard. Slowly slowly he began to reverse into it.
He reversed into the bollard.
He said he hadn't seen it.

We've had the car less than eight weeks. It's got one dent each side at the back and scratches on one wing.
OH denies all knowledge of how they got there.
No wonder my BP is 170.