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Angry with OH

(203 Posts)
CaroDane Wed 21-Aug-19 17:04:40

I am hopping mad with my OH. He went out this afternoon to do a little light pruning in the garden and I've just found he has totally massacred my Japanese Maple and my favourite hebe.
To make matters worse he's also eaten my emergency bar of fruit and nut that I keep hidden in the tea towel basket. It's always been a safe place but obviously not now.
I am so angry with him I could spit. Do you think I am overreacting as I can feel my blood pressure rising and my face is all blotchy!

timetogo2016 Sat 16-Nov-19 10:43:05

What a pig eh . hide the chocco in the cleaning cupboard.
I bet he won`t find it there haha.
My OH killed my four lavender bushes with weed killer.
I am wondering if I used it on him if it would have the same effect.

CaroDane Tue 27-Aug-19 16:56:13

SirChenjin you are absolutely spot on.

I'm living the high life here and do nothing but complain about it!

My social calendar is a whirl of spectacular delights as I ricochet (often literally if Gt Dane hasn't pressed the bar down on my rollator to keep it open) between Poundland, Aldi, Home & Bargain, B&M, and pushing the yacht out even further to Morrisons to espy their offers.

Then there's the thrill of visiting A & E when Gt Dane has accidentally left something for me to fall over, as it's a treat for me to enjoy spending about five hours watching the disintegration of the NHS.

What better way to spend a Sunday afternoon?

Speaking of my outing to Home & Bargain today I've been swizzed. I can't remember now where I bought it but I paid 29p for one of those little tokens on a key ring that you stick in a supermarket trolley and saves you using a pound coin.

I used it for the first time today.
Other shoppers come and go as I struggle trying to fit this token into the trolley slot. It is defo worse since they are now threepenny bit shaped.
The token wouldn't go in. A helpful chap suggested taking it off the key ring. We did. It still didn't work. His wife then forced it down into the hole and slid the catch shut. The trolley stayed closed and the chain wouldn't release.

By now a small crowd of helpful people wishing to do a good deed for the day and help the afflicted are all trying to unjam my trolley/ and or unjam the coin, or offer advice on how not to be conned into buying these type of tokens as they never ever work.

Result.

My token is still stuck in the trolley, which is still stuck in the line of other trolleys, therefore making at least 25 other trolleys unavailable.

I kept murmuring like a mantra, it's OK really, my husband will be here soon.

Only to turn round and see Gt Dane calmly observing this debacle from just inside the doors.
Holding a basket.

SirChenjin Tue 27-Aug-19 16:25:14

On the bright side, you did get a trip to Home Bargains - there's women who would kill for a trip to those aisles of oddities. Capers, Elbow Grease spray and fat pants, all for under a tenner? Don't mind if I do.

Every cloud, Caro, every cloud...

CaroDane Tue 27-Aug-19 15:26:01

This day is going from bad to worse angry

Just tried to drag the airer fully loaded back in as it's starting to rain. Did Gt Dane help? NO.

Why not? I hear you ask.

Because he's too busy in the front room watching half naked girls throwing themselves round on MTV accompanied by what sounds like a chorus of AK47's. Then he claims he was just changing channels looking for Euronews. A likely story. He'll give himself indigestion watching that, it won't sit well with his cuppa soup.

Now when I sit down to watch the new Midsomer Murders, the blurb tells me there was a power cut exactly half an hour before the end. In other words when Gt Dane thoughtfully unplugged the bloody telly.

CaroDane Tue 27-Aug-19 10:53:18

Just endured a nightmare trip to Home & Bargain for toilet rolls when we nearly got wiped out by Great Dane playing the gentleman.

At a junction he gallantly waved a pretty young woman through ahead of us (if she'd been over 30 take my word for it she would have been waiting until the Second Coming occurred) then when she goes, he rapidly accelerates and nearly crashes into the back of her.

The silly creature had misidentified Gt Dane as a responsible motorist instead of a moron who was waving her forward into the path of a Ocado van.

Gt Dane then immediately blamed this girl for being a slow driver. He didn't make any attempt to apologise for me suffering whiplash and had no care for my Pound Bakery iced buns getting squashed where he'd jammed my knees against the dashboard.

Going anywhere nowadays with Gt Dane is a slow and lengthy process, not because of my mobility issues, but because of his lustful eye.

Any female preferably blonde pushing any pram within half a mile of a zebra crossing involves us screeching to a halt while he waits for them to cross the road. Twelve cars can be lined up behind us while he allows some sweet young thing to join the main road we are driving on. He doesn't give a stuff for the verbals and hand signals from the other drivers behind us. A smile and a wave from some manicured non wrinkly hand is enough.

The man is a monster angry

CaroDane Mon 26-Aug-19 22:46:02

Sarah65 sweet of you to say so my darling, but everyone who knows me, can testify I'm a miserable sod and wouldn't know a joke if I fell over one!
grin

Sara65 Mon 26-Aug-19 22:11:38

Caro

I agree with gmarie your talents are wasted here (well not wasted) you should be writing a daily blog, or writing comedy sketches, you do make me laugh

CaroDane Mon 26-Aug-19 22:05:03

MamaCaz grin

MamaCaz Mon 26-Aug-19 20:59:09

Your OH sounds a bit like mine - things regularly just 'come off' or 'break' in his hands.
He couldn't close a door gently to save his life. When there was a sonic boom in our area and scores of people were phoning the police, thinking there had been an explosion, my young grandson and I just looked at each other and thought OH must have gone out of the door without us noticing!

CaroDane Mon 26-Aug-19 20:46:26

Indeed MamaCaz We've had two lots of blinds in the upstairs bathroom which considering it was remodelled only recently can't be bad going, after Gt Dane pulled the first blind off the wall with a resounding crash when he was about to have a shower.

The second one, put up by my SIL who, when he's in the country, completes a growing list of DIY jobs for us, lasted a week before it fell off the wall hitting me on the head when I was in the middle of brushing my teeth.

The pop up plug lasted a week, the toilet seat three weeks, and then Gt Dane pulled the towel rail off the wall leaving two jagged holes in it.

Nets were the only answer. I also have an ordinary plug I bought from Poundland tied round the hot tap on a piece of string, and a towel hook from Argos glued on the back of the toilet door. Even that has made a dent in the plaster wall behind it where Gt Dane has been throwing it open.

It looks fabulous now.
Not bad for four and a half k, don't you think?

MamaCaz Mon 26-Aug-19 18:05:43

Remember that when you are stuck, doubled up, in the toilet, having had the living daylights frightened out of you while esconced on it, CaroDane grin

CaroDane Mon 26-Aug-19 17:34:30

Great Dane is out in the garden again, but all is well.

He's on pest control duties so he's throwing all our slugs over the wall into next door's garden as retaliation for their teenage daughter playing horrid music all morning and drowning out my Max Bygraves CD.

These are new people and have been delightful since they moved in. When they aren't thoughtfully booting footballs over into my honeysuckle, they're throwing their fag ends on top of our outdoor barbecue and erecting what seems to be a 200 foot high child's climbing frame against our kitchen extension.

Gt Dane says we should be thankful as if our house ever burns down, we'll have no trouble escaping from the first floor.
The downside of this is we often see one of the brats at eye level if you're sitting on the toilet and the nets are rucked up.
Still. Safety always comes at a price. smile

CaroDane Mon 26-Aug-19 09:30:39

MamaCaz I'd send your husband's guide dog back if I were you. They're getting a bit lax on the training these days smile

gmarie one day at a time sweetheart. Am sure your lovely dad would rather have seen a smile on your beautiful face than have seen you sad. God rest his soul in peace. 🌹

gmarie Sun 25-Aug-19 22:57:00

@CaroDane - You had me laughing aloud while reading your posts, not expected since my dad died a week ago, today, and I've been very down sad. You have quite a way with words as do some of the responders here. You should write a story or article or just publish some of these funny post threads (with the names changed, of course grin). Thanks for a respite from the grief. It felt like warm sun on my face. flowers

MamaCaz Sun 25-Aug-19 22:39:27

I am still laughing at the image of the dead cat's tail sticking out of the soil, several pages back grin

My OH hates gardening and barely ventures into the garden. On the odd occasion he does, there is always damage. I suspect it's deliberate, so that I will never ask him to do anything out there. The latest of these incidents involved him strimming down a sunflower that I'd grown from seed, nurtured and finally planted out. He claimed he didn't even see it - even though it was tied to a six foot cane, for crying out loud!
If he sees me making a framework for the runner beans, or other similar jobs, he might occasionally offer to help me, but I learned long ago that his 'help' will mean that any plants in the surrounding area will be trampled to death, and I am "making a fuss about nothing" if I say anything. Plus he takes over and the job has to be done his way, regardless of how unsuitable the end result might be.
My edging shears, which have worked perfectly for ten years, stopped working after he used them for five minutes . My strimmer, the one he massacred the sunflower with, no longer starts since he got his hands on it ... Grrr

But at least he hasn't found my latest hiding place for chocolate. Eating my fruit and nut would be totally unforgivable smile

LightAmber Sun 25-Aug-19 19:24:43

grin

CaroDane Sun 25-Aug-19 17:59:48

LightAmber You defo did the right thing by divorcing him.
Think how many pansies you can buy for the cash you SAVED not having to buy that headstone. Let some other sucker pay for it grin

LightAmber Sun 25-Aug-19 17:44:52

This thread is hilarious! grin

Year's ago, I had planted pansies, actually managed to keep them alive and they were flowering nicely. I mentioned to my now ex-husband, that I would be weeding the garden later and he just nodded. I thought no more about it.

I went out to weed later and there was nothing in the beds but piles of bark chippings. I went to go back in the house to ask WTF had he done only to find him in the doorway with a shit-eating grin and a ”look what a good boy I've been” look on his face.

He had spoken with man next door while discussing manly things and man next door had said, no need to weed just sling some bark chippings down.

So the great galumph only went and did that. Buried my lovely pansies under what seemed like half a hundredweight of pigging bark chippings! angry I asked hadn't he seen the pansies and he replied ” I thought they would pop up through it” hmm

Pansies didn't survive needless to say. sad

I was only trying to help... would have been on his headstone wink

CaroDane Sat 24-Aug-19 23:44:11

Squiffy you could be right but by the time I'd got upstairs on my stair lift there was no sign of him.
He must have been hiding again.
Therefore I can't verify your theory.

I know he suffers from Night Terrors though as last winter I had to get up and put my hand under his duvet ( I was seeing if his hotty was still warm to pinch it as mine had gone cold) and his screams were deafening. smile

Squiffy Sat 24-Aug-19 23:18:27

CaroDane Are you sure he said ‘reading’? Is it possible that he said WEEDING ? As in sleep-weeding? 😱😱😱

Sara65 Sat 24-Aug-19 22:32:52

My husband is completely banned from even trimming, his idea of a light trim is total desecration! And my idea of a nice garden, is having everything overgrown.

Anyway I engaged a new gardener this year who is a complete maverick, I suggest what I’d like done, and he just hacks something else to ground level, telling me it will do it good.

Husband finds this hilarious of course, I dread coming home from work to see what else he’s managed to massacre.

CaroDane Sat 24-Aug-19 22:21:27

God in Heaven, Great Dane is at it again.

I'm trying to relax with a multipack of cheese and onion and a bottle of Blossom Hill and I've been looking forward all day to catching up on my recorded TV. (I should point out that I only ever watch cultural programmes that enlighten the mind.)

So I'm trying to find out what's happened in 90 Day Fiance The Other Way and there's all this crashing and banging about upstairs.
I put it on pause.
Call up the stairs.
What are you doing?
Silence.

Press play. This woman is distraught because her boyfriend half her age has been summoned back to the family home and she's left on her own with only her lost marbles to count.

Crash bang crash bang slam slam slam.

For the love of God what are you doing up there? I scream up the stairs.

The reply comes.

READING

I kid you not.

LadyO Sat 24-Aug-19 19:52:59

Oh my goodness, I was having a big catchup on Gransnet on my phone, after a lovely relaxing Saturday in our sunny garden plus 2 large G&Ts, but I could barely speak for laughing at this thread, (thank you, CaroDane!) when I noticed my OH had put on his gardening gloves and was heading towards the borders. Talk about timing! I headed him off, then read him the bit about the supermarket ... tears streaming down my face. Ok maybe the gin was part of that, but I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. grin

SirChenjin Fri 23-Aug-19 23:25:23

The only reason for my visit to Salisbury was to admire the beautiful cathedral.

Are you sure it’s a spot and you’re not growing a second nose?

CaroDane Fri 23-Aug-19 18:40:02

And stop tapping your nose or you'll end up with a zit on it as big as mine smile