Golden Wedding Anniversary

I don't expect anniversary cards for our AC but on our 25th and 40th we threw big family parties and will do the same when we reach 50.

They know I'd be upset if they didn't come or send messages on such an occasion (Youngest was abroad for 40th but sent a present and a message to be incorporated into her sister's speech).

To be fair it’s not their Anniversary and if you’ve never celebrated why do you think this one should be any different?
It’s an amazing anniversary to have achieved and I would gave been shouting it from the rooftops for months.

Well done for sticking together for so long - it can be hard work at times, and anniversary greetings from your offspring would have told you they recognised that. They probably do; but you may have to state it directly. Nobody knows how anyone else feels - unless we tell them. And not always even then. If you need help and support (I am thinking of your building works and your husband's health), don't be too proud to ask for it, even if it is only for a friendly phone call asking how you are getting on. To our offspring, we are still the grownups; they live their own lives from the inside, and look at ours from that perspective. If you want cards, say so! It's nothing to be ashamed of. I'm giving you wine, flowers and a cake for a belated celebration. .

Happy Anniversary what an achievement.
I think you should have taken control and invited everyone round for a small family party or go out for a meal. I mean if your grown up children have never acknowledged any of your Anniversarys why would they now.
I'm not good at my parents anniversary but they had a big party for their 50th. They never moan that I miss their anniversary as long as they each remember to acknowledge their special day themselves. After all I send my parents flowers or take gifts throughout the year for no particular reason except that I like to.
Why not take control and do something with the whole family, then they will realise that a. You wanted to mark this achievement b. You wanted to include them in it.
It's great to have lovely parents but difficult to comprehend our special the wedding day was when we wasn't born then. What I'm trying to say it's not anywhere in our memory. Take control don't be bitter or upset. Let them know that day was and is very important to You by arranging something.

Congratulations, 50 years is a great achievement. My daughter once said to me, ‘it’s your anniversary Mum, I wasn’t there so I don’t feel like celebrating it’ At the time it really hurt me but once I’d calmed down I thought, yes she’s got a point, it was our special day. Why don’t you treat yourself to 50 golden flower bulbs , get them planted and enjoy them next spring?

So feel for you......when it was our 50th a few years ago, daughter no.2 and her family had booked a holiday abroad so we took other D no.1 and family out for a meal, but sad we weren’t all together. Interesting that D no.2 told her sister that she’d always thought I was older than her Father! Wrong. Kinda says it all. For her Silver wedding in May I sent a handmade and personalised card plus an afternoon tea voucher. Still waiting for a thank you!

50 years - wow! Many congratulations

Congratulations! Such a proud achievement well worthy of celebration. Ours is in 2021 but I am a control freak and prefer to organize our celebrations with people I/we want to see there - even my leaving dos. Had to cancel our elaborate Ruby wedding as DD found herself about to become a single parent with GD due on the anniversary date. I was designated birth partner.....and we called her Ruby. Thinking of trip to Dublin for the two of us for the GW and a slow return via family members.

It sounds reasonable to me. If I know someone doesn't mark anniversaries I don't acknowledge it either. Usually if someone wants acknowledgement or greetings they start to talk about it themselves eg "Do you know we'll have been married 50 years in October?" Or you see them on facebook wishing their other half happy anniversary very publicly. Then you know to join in with your greeting.

As no one in my family has ever got to a 50th anniversary due to death or divorce I'm not sure about protocols about this. It would seem to me that as you haven't generally celebrated wedding anniversaries and hadn't organized a celebration event why would you expect your children to mark the event? Basically it is a date that is special to you and your husband. Your children are not mind readers, if you wanted to particularly mark the event then it was up to you to organize this not your children.

On the other hand congratulations on actually getting there. Hope it has been a good 50 years. ???

Congratulations on your golden anniversary.

Sorry that they were so thoughtless, I do dread to think how often I forgot my parents anniversaries, etc. I always tried to take them out - or at least my lovely mum, as dad always said he didn’t want any fuss, but in retrospect I shouldn’t have believed him and I should have made a bigger occasion.

I don’t really expect other people to remember our anniversary, etc, so I tend to organise or have a dinner, lunch, picnic or whatever for whoever I want to see or to come over on the day.

Could you do the same in future?

Best wishes, ??✅

Happy Anniversary ?
I understand how disappointed you must feel. It must be a generational thing because Anniversary cards don’t seem important to our 4 children despite my husband and I always doing so.
I’ve gotten used to it and actually recognise that the celebration belongs to me and my husband.
I think what seems to be the main issue is that your children are not supporting you both as much as you perhaps deserve.
The anniversary issue is less important in my view (though sad), the support is the issue. Best wishes to you both.

As an unhappy wife anniversaries felt ironic. My (ex) husband never showed any interest, and I felt unloved. I dreaded significant anniversaries when I had to pretend everything was fine. Fast forward several years, a divorce and new OH we are very happy and don’t really remember when exactly our relationship began. A card is a card, on a day like every other day. It is very difficult for you coping with your DH’s dementia, but perhaps the absence of congratulations from you DACs has highlighted that you need practical support from them? Best wishes

I agree with SueH49... the anniversary is really about the couple and their love for each other. My siblings and I fell out about my parents’ Golden Wedding as some wanted to throw a big expensive surprise party whilst others wanted a low-key family meal out...my parents would have preferred nothing rather than a split in the family that has never really healed.

Probably because you haven’t celebrated previous anniversaries your children decided that you didn’t want to mark this one either. Perhaps you should have mentioned the event by saying something like ‘fancy us getting to 50 years of marriage - perhaps we could have a little celebration’.

Amazing achievement! Congratulations on your golden wedding anniversary xx
I would also have been upset but sadly the moment has passed so please try not to let it get you down and enjoy your time together. Personally I wouldn't bother with their anniversaries in future !

It's just another day.
I can't get upset about people not celebrating someone else's anniversary. It's not their own...is it? Your children weren't there on your wedding day. It's your and your DH's celebration.
If you yourself don't make a meal of it, why expect your AC to do so?
You can't expect people to behave as you might do in the same circumstances.
Reminding people to say 'Happy Birthday' or 'Happy Anniversary' is silly. What pleasure is there in getting a belated greeting that you've had to, more or less, squeeze out of them?
None...IMV.

After my dad passed away I sent flowers to my mum every year on their anniversary, it was only after my mum passed away that I discovered i'd got the date wrong.

Happy Golden Anniversary to you both, stop sending them money see how they like that Why is it that when our Children get married, they become selfish, if it was there Anniversary and you forgot, they wouldn’t like that. I would of thought they would of been so proud of you and hubby lasting all those years. I feel for you so much, I would be heartbroken ? if they forgot.
Sending you both love ? n ? hugs ❤️?xx
Ps just look after the two of you, let them get on with there selfish ways.❤️?xx

I know exactly how you feel ... it would have been our Golden Wedding Anniversary in July, but my husband died in 2017. It was mentioned at his funeral and I know it’s been mentioned since by various family members. Two very good friends contacted me the day before so as not to upset me on the day and also they thought I’d be out on the actual day. Neither son remembered ... in fact no one else did. I sat at home on my own. I shouldn’t have expected anything else I suppose as I’ve spent the last two Christmas days on my own also ...
So yes, otoole I know how you feel and I’m also doing like you do by cutting back on the various gifts of money. My hubby had Lewy Body Dementia ... so make the most of your time together. None of us knows how quickly our quality time together can pass x

I'm not sure our 3 DC know the date of our anniversary or the year we were married. If I mention that "today's the day " they respond warmly. We never made anything of our anniversaries as they grew up. I'm not even sure DH would remember either even though I always write it on our very visible calendar. It's all our own making. Our Golden is in 2023 and if I give everyone enough advance warning who knows what might happen. Or not!!

We have never celebrated any of our anniversaries.

Well I guess that's your answer really.

It would have been nice though if we had received a phone call or email acknowledging it especially as we always send a card and cheque to each of them on their anniversaries.

I find this strange. I dont send cards (nor presents) to other people on their anniversaries apart from the big ones. And I wouldn't expect them to send me one.

I think if you’ve never really acknowledged your anniversary in the past, it’s a bit rich to be miffed now. My husband and I have been married for 39 years, and always tell our two sons not to bother. As long as we remember that’s all that matters, it doesn’t really mean anything to anyone else.

First of all Congratulations on your Golden Wedding Anniversary!
Angeleyes58xx - you have summed up my feelings exactly. Our DDs both departed to spend Christmas with in laws or friends on, what they knew, was our Ruby Wedding Anniversary. No cards, calls or messages - disappointing at the very least!

Congratulations to you both! I do get what you’re saying but my children would never remember this....in fact they never acknowledge our anniversary....and really I don’t expect them to. That said, when we had our 40th, I told them both about it and that we were going away for a night in a hotel and could they meet us there for lunch on The Day. We asked for no gifts but they did end up paying for the meal. (We didn’t expect them to).We will tell them when it’s our 50th and involve them if we want to ?. If it was me, I would think of something nice that you could do to mark it-I know it was last week but that doesn’t matter....it’s still about remembering the fifty years...include family or not...as you wish....but treat yourselves in a way that will make you feel happy. Then....let it go.....your children weren’t there after all, when you married...and if its any consolation, my son who has been married five years, said the other day,that his anniversary doesn’t seem an important date to celebrate ...and he could easily overlook the day! Each to their own!