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Golden Wedding Anniversary

(72 Posts)
otoole Tue 03-Sep-19 10:55:02

Our Golden Wedding was on Fri 30 August. My brother remembered and sent us a card. Our 3 offspring didn't send anything although I believe the younger 2 knew as my brother had mentioned it to them.

We have never celebrated any of our anniversaries. It would have been nice though if we had received a phone call or email acknowledging it especially as we always send a card and cheque to each of them on their anniversaries.

Middle of extensive alterations in home and husband has dementia and other health issues. Spent the day by ourselves in a mess!

Have subsequently mentioned oversight to each of them but still haven't received a belated card although daughter did email Happy Anniversary yesterday.

I feel a little upset, but hard to gauge husband's feelings because of dementia.

Am I being unreasonable in view of the fact we have never made a big deal out of our anniversaries?

Would welcome your thoughts on this, if only to make me feel a little better. sad

NanaandGrampy Tue 03-Sep-19 11:12:35

Belated Happy Anniversary !!

What an achievement ! And there is the crux of the matter . Whether you, as a family have celebrated your anniversary in the past or not , this was a big one !!

I would feel like you and I make no apologies for it . My daughters let out 40th pass unremarked yet I never miss a birthday , anniversary or special occasion . Grampy now reminds them, I only expect a card but I’d settle for a text 😞

So I think you’re not being unreasonable at all !

Susan56 Tue 03-Sep-19 11:25:33

Belated Wedding Anniversary wishes.As NandG said this was a big one and deserved a celebration.🎉🍾🥂for you both.

ninathenana Tue 03-Sep-19 11:29:41

I would have been upset too. Our DC's don't send anniversary cards but they did for our 40th 3 yrs ago.

Belated Happy Anniversary

otoole Tue 03-Sep-19 11:40:32

Thank you for your congratulations. Still a little upset that even now the family haven't understood that this was a biggie, and probably the last one in view of DH's health. I just wonder if in future for their anniversaries I should just send a card only.

Nansnet Tue 03-Sep-19 12:01:09

I wouldn't expect cards/gift for normal anniversaries, but for your Golden Anniversary, most definitely they should've made some sort of an effort to celebrate. I always send my DS & DiL a card/flowers for their anniversary, and I never, ever forget birthdays/christmas ... although, sadly, they seem to have forgotten both my husband and my birthdays/mother's day/father's day, for the last couple of years! I'm sure they'd be really upset if we forget theirs! On the other hand, my daughter never, ever forgets, bless her! I think some people are just caught up in their own lives, and don't think it important. There'll come a day when they understand ...
Happy Golden Anniversary to you and your husband!

sodapop Tue 03-Sep-19 13:34:58

Congratulations from me too otoole that is quite an achievement. I'm sorry about your husband's declining health though.
I think if you have never made an event over anniversaries then your family will think its not important. This was an important milestone by any standards so I can understand your being upset.

Brunette10 Tue 03-Sep-19 13:46:31

otoole - belated Congratulations flowers. I certainly do not think you are being unreasonable. I think the younger generation get away with far too much these days. I understand the younger ones do not participate in general with cards although our DD does and I am so glad she does but it was a very special occasion and they should be reminded if it were not for you and your DH they would not be here!! Sorry if I'm harsh I would be devastated.

KatyK Tue 03-Sep-19 14:01:08

Well done on the 50 years. I'm sorry your family didn't mark it. It's ours this week and I know DD won't forget.

silverlining48 Tue 03-Sep-19 14:18:21

Congratulations, otoole, it was ours a couple of weeks ago. Despite mentioning it more than once it didn’t look as if anything was going to be done by children so we arranged something ourselves.
I more than understand your disappointment, just try not to let things get you down. You have enough to do if your husband has dementia, a cruel disease.
Happy anniversary to you both.

M0nica Tue 03-Sep-19 14:32:28

You say you have never made a big deal of anniversaries.Presumably this included your Silver wedding anniversary, 40th anniversary etc and these just got ignored by all. Why under those circumstances should your children feel that the Goldern wedding is any difference, if you have never made anything of anniversaries, why should they even remember the date?

Do your family send cards for birthdays or any other anniversaries? Some families just do not and if you changed your mind, you should have told your children well in advance.

I am not without sympathy, DH comes from a non-card sending family. I come from one that does. I always give him birthday and anniversary cards , I have never had one back. He always apologises it and means it, at the time,but as soon as the next anniversary/birthday comes along he has forgotten. I am quite content with this, DC will always send cards, also sister, close friends, even DS's MiL.

It is not that DH doesn't care, but it just isn't in his DNA. The same with your family, they have been brought up to ignore all such dates, you brought them up to this.

But, congratulations 50 years is a big landmark. If your DH is too ill togo out why not order in a beautiful meal from a good restaurant and enjoy it in peace at home.

blossom14 Tue 03-Sep-19 14:39:23

Congratulations, * otoole*. Same happened to us for Diamond wedding in June this year. It is a bit hurtful but then I did say to myself they were not there on the original day so they wouldn't remember. My DH is not too well but I organised afternoon tea with friends in a nearby hotel. At least we did not end up paying for the whole family!

Nannyxthree Tue 03-Sep-19 14:51:17

It is a big milestone by anyone's standards. Why don't you have a small celebration for the two of you once the worst of the building work is done? Whether you want to tell your children you've done it and why is up to you of course.

Daisymae Tue 03-Sep-19 15:57:04

you are right to feel that they could have made a tiny effort, but still what's done is done. Yes, just send a card for theirs in future. With the money do something really special with your husband. A meal, weekend away or whatever feels good to you.

cornergran Tue 03-Sep-19 16:30:24

My congratulations to you both otoole. Of course you aren’t being unreasonable. Our lot have to be told what is expected of them. They aren’t being unkind just function differently to their parents. Try not to dwell on it. I agree with others, if there is a treat that is feasible for you both then focus on that. I’m sorry you’ve been upset.

lemongrove Tue 03-Sep-19 16:55:08

Congratulations otoole it’s a landmark anniversary.😃
I think we all need to make sure that our adult children know
When celebrations are called for.
I always send an anniversary card to mine ( no gifts) and one DD always sends one to us, but not the other two.
However, for our ruby wedding anniversary, they sent cards and gifts, and I expect them to do the same next year for our Golden one.They need telling exactly when it is though.😁

Bellanonna Tue 03-Sep-19 17:17:44

Yes, congratulations otoole on your 50 years. I think you needed to broach the event well in advance of the day. We (I!) did and we did have a lovely celebration last year. The fact that you never mention anniversaries probably means that the offspring think you don’t set much store by these milestones .
They probably really did need prompting. Sorry you had a messy day with alterations. Maybe you and DH could celebrate together when you feel more settled?
Congratulations KatyK for later this week.

KatyK Tue 03-Sep-19 17:22:07

Thank you Bella smile

lemongrove Tue 03-Sep-19 17:25:34

Yes, congrats to you KatyK 😃🥂🍾

Farmor15 Tue 03-Sep-19 17:31:33

Congratulations otoole ! Sorry it wasn't a memorable day especially with your husband's dementia, but at least you know you've survived 50 years together smile

I did wonder if they remembered the date, if you don't usually celebrate, even though your brother had mentioned it. Our 38th was 2 days ago, and I didn't remember myself until I got a message from brother-in-law! OH hadn't remembered either. When it comes to 40th, in 2 years time, we'll probably organise a party ourselves, though our children will row in to help I'm sure.

B9exchange Tue 03-Sep-19 17:39:50

Our four children don't send us anniversary cards, they seem to be of the notion that they weren't around when we got married, and it is therefore nothing to do with them. The fact that if we hadn't, they wouldn't be here is apparently not relevant! grin

Having said that, we did organise a blessing service for our 40th, and they did all come. If you had made a special day of it, then I am sure they would have made the effort. Congratulations on reaching your 50th, no small achievement!

I organised my parents' 50th as my mother had depression, PD and dementia. I really wanted to get some recognition out of her, so we went back to the church where they met, sang in the choir, and got married, and as she came up the aisle she had a really big smile on her face, the first time she had smiled for years, my father was so happy to see it.

KatyK Tue 03-Sep-19 18:19:41

Thank you lemon

otoole Tue 03-Sep-19 18:45:22

Thank you all for your kind wishes and thoughts. Have decided I will still remember to send cards for their wedding anniversaries. However instead of giving each of them £25 as previously, I will use the money to treat ourselves to a meal out.

SueH49 Wed 04-Sep-19 06:46:57

We have never made an issue of our wedding anniversaries. To me it is something to be shared between us unless we decide to mark it with a family celebration or party. Hence I would not expect anything from our children. Likewise we do not acknowledge our children's anniversaries - which are on the same date just several years apart.

While it may be disappointing that you had no acknowledgement from your children I don't think it is worth being upset over.

harrigran Wed 04-Sep-19 07:33:32

Congratulations on your Golden anniversary.
Sadly the younger generation do not seem to recognise wedding anniversaries. My hairdresser is in her 40s and I had to explain how many years silver, ruby and gold are.
Couples marry much later and a lot of them will never reach a landmark anniversary.
Gave DS and DIL a card for their anniversary to take on holiday, I enclosed money for a meal out, they opened it a week later when they returned home. DS says they never fuss about it and I shouldn't worry.