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Golden Wedding Anniversary

(73 Posts)
otoole Tue 03-Sep-19 10:55:02

Our Golden Wedding was on Fri 30 August. My brother remembered and sent us a card. Our 3 offspring didn't send anything although I believe the younger 2 knew as my brother had mentioned it to them.

We have never celebrated any of our anniversaries. It would have been nice though if we had received a phone call or email acknowledging it especially as we always send a card and cheque to each of them on their anniversaries.

Middle of extensive alterations in home and husband has dementia and other health issues. Spent the day by ourselves in a mess!

Have subsequently mentioned oversight to each of them but still haven't received a belated card although daughter did email Happy Anniversary yesterday.

I feel a little upset, but hard to gauge husband's feelings because of dementia.

Am I being unreasonable in view of the fact we have never made a big deal out of our anniversaries?

Would welcome your thoughts on this, if only to make me feel a little better. sad

leyla Fri 06-Sep-19 01:06:54

YANBU to be disappointed as it is a biggie but I think you should have indicated to your family that you wanted to celebrate by inviting them round for a little party or just a cup of tea and slice of cake.

Eloethan Fri 06-Sep-19 00:36:29

Congratulations, and sorry that you have been upset by your children's lack of interest.

I think you said though that you had not made much of a thing of anniversaries in the past, and so it isn't surprising - unless you made them aware that it was a special anniversary that you would like acknowledged - that your children have not marked the occasion.

I didn't mark my parents' anniversaries and my parents have never marked our wedding anniversary. Neither do our children. It does not really bother me.

We've been married 47 years. We don't make a big thing about anniversaries either but we do go out for the day, or have a short break away.

Smileless2012 Thu 05-Sep-19 15:46:24

Belated congratulations from me tooflowers. It's our 39th tomorrow, still a long way to go before the Golden.

As long as Mr. S. remembers I don't worry about anyone else but I can understand you feeling a little upset and hope it didn't spoil your day.

Spotted a large red sealed envelope with my name on it, on his book case earlier so looks as if he's remembered and is safe for another yeargrin.

Nanaval4G Thu 05-Sep-19 08:53:01

Being divorced I don't celebrate them any more, but I always send cards (no gift) to my son and daughter. My sons wife did mention they didn't bother with anniversarys, but I am of the old school I think. I sent my parents a card until my mum died, and the same with my sister. Could you book a belated meal for you, your husband and friends otoole, then at least you would have had a celebration.

otoole Thu 05-Sep-19 08:33:27

That seems even more upsetting imo. Hope the two of you got to celebrate it yourselves anyway.

jocork Wed 04-Sep-19 21:48:20

I think every family is different and many people keep anniversaries as a personal thing between the two of them. My parents never made a big thing of theirs and sadly my dad died a year before their silver wedding. I'm sure I would have wanted to mark that but didn't get the chance. I still remember sending a card to my grandparents for their Ruby wedding - quite an achievement as it was my grandad's second marriage after being widowed very young.
My MIL and FIL had special events for their Ruby and Golden anniversaries but they organised them and just made sure we were invited, so there was no chance of us forgetting!
I divorced before we reached any big milestone so my kids never marked our anniversary, but I send a card to my DS and DIL. Unfortunately I suspect most parents have to initiate any celebration if they want one.
Congratulations on a huge achievement and hopefully you'll find a way to celebrate together in some way. flowers

Summerlove Wed 04-Sep-19 19:24:25

I think that unless you had told your children in advance that you expected some fanfare, you are being unreasonable.

That said, I am sorry you are hurt and please accept my belated congratulations on your golden anniversary.

4allweknow Wed 04-Sep-19 18:30:24

Although you haven't been in the habit of celebrating wedding anniversaries this is a big one nit all people reach. YANBU to be miffed. Just don't bother with any future ones for your family, they obviously don't care. Congratulations a d hope the renovations are finished soon.

Tooyoungytobeagrandma Wed 04-Sep-19 18:04:34

Imo anniversaries arefor the married couple to remembet and maybe anyone that attended not your children who came along later (in most cases). To be fair if you dont normally bother then why would you expect anyone else to. Havnt bothered with mine and usually only remembered when MIL sent a card. She's not been around for many years so the day came and went.

25Avalon Wed 04-Sep-19 17:21:00

My mother always said she didn't want to celebrate her Golden Wedding and didn't want any cards so we all complied. When a congratulations card did not arrive for them from the Queen, however, she was very upset - she seemed to think the Queen would be all knowing! Sadly not quite - you have to let her know! So I had to find out who to write to and ask if it could be sent in retrospect which the Palace kindly agreed to and said card arrived 3 weeks late.

chicken Wed 04-Sep-19 17:05:46

otoole---congratulations on your Golden Anniversary.

I know how you feel---our three children not only forgot our Golden Anniversary but also our Diamond Anniversary! It hurts, doesn't it.

Lilyflower Wed 04-Sep-19 16:42:03

Congratulations, otoole, on your fiftieth anniversary. What an achievement!

Like you, my DH and I have not celebrated our anniversary and, indeed, have forgotten some! However, we had a big hotel celebration for our silver wedding (partly to make up for the cheap and cheerful wedding) and invited our family and friends. In three weeks’s time We are going to have a big party at home with a hog roast and a fancy cake for our ruby anniversary. Both times we sent invitations and made sure the family knew, not to ask for presents but to help us celebrate. The cards were nice to keep, though.

I think you have to publicise in advance.

montymops Wed 04-Sep-19 16:32:41

Congratulations to you both. I shall organise some sort of party for our golden anniversary myself - not sure what exactly - there will be no excuse for any of them to forget!! 🤭😂🤔

Grammaretto Wed 04-Sep-19 15:45:31

Congratulations!! Well done!! and to KatyK and any others about to celebrate 50 years. It will become rarer I would imagine with later marriages and breakups etc.

We celebrated ours this year and perhaps we discuss these things more than most but anyway all the DC and our DPs asked whether we were going to celebrate but we decided to keep it private and went away together to where we spent our honeymoon. It was lovely. We took their cards and champagne with us .

For our 70th birthdays we held a big party so I have definitely had enough celebrations.

I try to text or send a card for my DC's anniversaries but I think you have to remind people really. They are all so busy.
My in-laws will celebrate 75 years soon, if they're spared.
They have had the 60th with a card from the Queen, 70th - platinum, but I don't know even what this next one is called.

grandtanteJE65 Wed 04-Sep-19 15:20:30

Congratulations, but surely you are being unreasonable about this? You say you have never celebrated your wedding anniversaries, so how on earth were your children to know that you would welcome a card or something similar now?

If your brother mentioned your Golden wedding anniversary to them, they no doubt thought that you wouldn't appreciate any acknowledgement.

Try to let it go and enjoy your triumph of having stayed married for 50 years.

luluaugust Wed 04-Sep-19 15:15:44

Congratulations on your Golden Anniversary. Kids who'd have em!. If you have never made much of Anniversaries maybe they just didn't think it was to do with them. They probably can't imagine being married to anybody for 50 years!. Perhaps you could organise a small lunch or tea with them all. Do you send them cards for Anniversaries, I have stopped that now I think apart from the "big" ones it is between themselves.

Craicon Wed 04-Sep-19 14:37:04

Congratulations on being married for 50 years. flowers
We didn’t get married until fairly recently but we did have all our D.C. and partners there. We normally send adult DC a card on their anniversary but forgot to this year and sent an email instead.
Just thinking about it now, they’ve never sent us an anniversary card although my sister always does, which is nice of her.

You’ve mentioned that you don’t normally celebrate your wedding anniversary so if you wanted a party this year, you should have just said so and invited your children to help you make the arrangements.
It’s actually rather unfair of you to complain afterwards just because they didn’t read your mind.

JanaNana Wed 04-Sep-19 14:26:16

Congratulations on your Golden Wedding Anniversary. Its a big milestone and it would have been nice if your children had acknowledged it. However a lot of the younger generation don't do this nowadays unless there"s a party or family get together that jogs their memory about it. Time for you and your husband to spoil yourselves now with a few treats of your own.

Bluesky1 Wed 04-Sep-19 13:58:31

My children have never thought about my wedding anniversaries. Doesn’t worry me, it’s just between you and your husband

whywhywhy Wed 04-Sep-19 13:48:32

I know how you feel. I've never had an anniversary card from my 3 children. It's my 2nd marriage and we met back in 2005. He's not there dad and it sometimes feels like the non event of the year. I'm sure you are not alone. Happy anniversary from me. Xxx

Harris27 Wed 04-Sep-19 13:37:50

We did get cards and presents for our ruby anniversary but they didn’t. Are much effort and I was a little disappointed in them. So I know the next time not to be expecting anything . I think it is a little thoughtless of them could your husband having dementia a reason for this? Maybe not wanting to bring up the anniversary because of this. Just a thought.happy anniversary anyway x

Witzend Wed 04-Sep-19 13:33:32

A 50th is special - I think I'd be a bit upset if dds did nothing, but then I doubt they'd realise if we didn't tell them.

We had our 45th recently - happened to be exactly the same day as an extended-family wedding, so that made it a bit special.

However best anniversary for me was one I hadn't even realised was happening. Dh brought me a lovely bouquet for no apparent reason, so I was nonplussed - until he explained that it was exactly 50 years since we'd met.
Although I remember the occasion very well, I wouldn't even have had a clue about what month it was!

Gingergirl Wed 04-Sep-19 13:30:44

Congratulations to you both! I do get what you’re saying but my children would never remember this....in fact they never acknowledge our anniversary....and really I don’t expect them to. That said, when we had our 40th, I told them both about it and that we were going away for a night in a hotel and could they meet us there for lunch on The Day. We asked for no gifts but they did end up paying for the meal. (We didn’t expect them to).We will tell them when it’s our 50th and involve them if we want to 😅. If it was me, I would think of something nice that you could do to mark it-I know it was last week but that doesn’t matter....it’s still about remembering the fifty years...include family or not...as you wish....but treat yourselves in a way that will make you feel happy. Then....let it go.....your children weren’t there after all, when you married...and if its any consolation, my son who has been married five years, said the other day,that his anniversary doesn’t seem an important date to celebrate ...and he could easily overlook the day! Each to their own!

Emelle Wed 04-Sep-19 13:13:31

First of all Congratulations on your Golden Wedding Anniversary!
Angeleyes58xx - you have summed up my feelings exactly. Our DDs both departed to spend Christmas with in laws or friends on, what they knew, was our Ruby Wedding Anniversary. No cards, calls or messages - disappointing at the very least!

Elcie Wed 04-Sep-19 13:06:05

I think if you’ve never really acknowledged your anniversary in the past, it’s a bit rich to be miffed now. My husband and I have been married for 39 years, and always tell our two sons not to bother. As long as we remember that’s all that matters, it doesn’t really mean anything to anyone else.