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Grrrh! Friends who mess you about.

(29 Posts)
kircubbin2000 Sun 08-Sep-19 13:12:15

We always make allowances for this one as she means well and is kind but she has wasted my whole morning today.Arranged to go for walk at 11, then changed it to 12 as someone had called. I told her my son is co ing at 2.It is now 1 10 but she needs a coffee first! Its hardly giving any time but ok, I'll meet her and say nothing.

Nanabilly Sun 08-Sep-19 13:14:25

I hate that ! I would have cancelled until another day . Such bad manners and very thoughtless . Do people who do these things think they are more important than others?

Calendargirl Sun 08-Sep-19 13:14:43

Think I would say it’s too late and make it another day.

tanith Sun 08-Sep-19 13:14:47

Ooh you are tolerant I’d of said too late now, another day maybe.

fizzers Sun 08-Sep-19 13:17:31

definitely call it off

BlueBelle Sun 08-Sep-19 13:22:12

Oh yes I would have cancelled too I really get pipped off with punctuality problems luckily most of my friends are good one slightly tardy but she’s so lovely I can always forgive her and it is only 5/10 minutes Your morning has been wasted and now you ll have to rush to get back for your son I would have said 12 is the latest I can make it today so let’s choose another day and we wont have to rush back

kircubbin2000 Sun 08-Sep-19 13:58:04

I met her for coffee but she sat until 1.45 so I came home. I can walk later with son.She seems to have a lot of problems but that is no excuse I know.

Charleygirl5 Sun 08-Sep-19 14:03:20

Thankfully none of my friends are like that! I cannot stand that sort of timekeeping- I am usually too early. You are more tolerant than I would be.

notanan2 Sun 08-Sep-19 14:19:50

I recently had to send the following message to a friend:

I ^do want to see you, but I cant keep putting other people and my life on hold for a meet up that may or may not happen, and if it does its never what was arranged. And I do not want to be standing on my tod waiting for you because you never cancel if youre going to be late or not coming because you "dont like conflict"^

All I can suggest is that you are welcome to come to me, but I can no longer put other plans on hold for you. So ring me in the morning if you DEFINITELY want to see me that day, and if I am free anyway, I would love you to join me.

She went on the attack. Telling me what an amazing friend she is when she DOES show up (true! I agreed!) and then never spoke to me again.

She is another one who is always going through a hard time, and is good at getting people to make endless allowancea for her (mutual friends will tell you "oh she does that! But thats just her! And she us having a hard time right now" but you know what? We all have stuff going on. And I had reached my limit with being left hanging about.

Only you can decide if the good outweighs the bad.

As above, I tried to put boundaries in place so that we COULD still catch up, but it didnt work.

sunseeker Sun 08-Sep-19 14:34:12

There comes a time when you have to decide whether you want to continue with a friendship. I had a friend who was always late, when we were meeting for lunch she would often "forget" her purse and credit cards. There were other things she did which showed she had no respect for me. Eventually I got tired of being taken advantage of and dropped her. She contacted me apologised for her behaviour and asked to meet for lunch - her treat. Guess what, when it came to paying the bill she had forgotten her purse and credit cards. That was the last time I met her.

Fiachna50 Sun 08-Sep-19 14:37:00

I have a friend like this. The longest she left me sitting waiting was one hour. I think she gets distracted. Ive got to the stage I dont arrange meetings anymore. Quite happy to exchange cards, email and text. Tis a pity but felt I really could not spend the time sitting waiting anymore. The other thing being, she seems able to turn up on time for other friends/events. So decided I can spend my time on other things. I dont understand it myself, but felt I had to discontinue the meet-ups. I dont mind someone being late occasionally, things happen. When it is nearly all the time and you are sitting for anything up to an hour, it is alot of time out of your day. I just could not continue like this.

SalsaQueen Sun 08-Sep-19 15:34:10

A friend of mine does the same thing. She works shifts, so I always let her decide on what day and time to meet, and where. She chooses, then invariably alters it/cancels on the day. It annoys me so much.

We were meant to be going to Aqua Aerobics together tomorrow, but now she says she's busy. I'm going anyway. In future, I'm going to TELL her what I've got planned, and she can fit in with it - or not.

Chewbacca Sun 08-Sep-19 15:58:54

Last weekend a friend called me to tell me that the local annual country show was on 8th September; one day only. Would I like to go with her? Yesterday I sent text to confirm what time we were meeting up and where. All confirmed, so I was up early and ready by 09.30. No friend. 10.00 no friend. Rang at 10.30 and was told that her DS and DIL were calling and they were all going out to lunch together instead.

That the last time it will happen.

Fiachna50 Sun 08-Sep-19 16:15:37

Thats bad Chewbacca, I couldnt do that to anyone. I don't understand alot of people.

Sussexborn Sun 08-Sep-19 16:26:39

Staggering Chewbacca! My “friend” used to tell me she would drop her boys at school and then come straight over. She then wouldn’t arrive until lunchtime. When I had the first cancer diagnosis she insisted that it would do me good to get out then left me standing outside M & S for over an hour. On the way home she announced that she didn’t ‘do illness’. Haven’t seen her since then but she rang me just before last Christmas saying she would like to come and visit me. We now live 200 miles away and it would involve them staying for at least one night. I just said that it would not be convenient and put the phone down! Wouldn’t normally be rude or unkind but sometimes it can’t be avoided. It’s only just occurred to me that I hadn’t given her our phone number so not sure how she knew it.

Tedber Sun 08-Sep-19 19:08:49

Oh yes 'friends' I don't really get some people either. I have a long standing friend who lives in Spain who lost her husband last November (we were all great friends and holidayed together lots). She came over beginning of this year and stayed with me for a week. I tried to cheer her up and we had a lot of laughs just like we always had. We went for meals out, walking and visiting museums etc. A good time.

She told me she was coming back to UK in August and had booked an air bnb close to where I live and was meeting 2 other friends from our past (work colleagues) who I hadn't seen for years! I was really excited about it thinking we could all get together at her apartment (10 miles from where I live) until she said...."I am really sorry I can't see you on this trip but will see you on the next" I was GUTTED.

What are friends? If not, people you have known for years and love dearly? I really wanted to say oh piss off don't bother BUT I know that would be silly to ruin a 40 year friendship. I just would NEVER have done that to anyone.

Am rambling now so maybe should have started a different thread? Sorry kircubbin2000

notanan2 Sun 08-Sep-19 19:17:07

Tedber when you are an ex pat you really cant see everyone every time you are "home" and sometimes you need it to be a holiday and not "the rounds"

Tedber Sun 08-Sep-19 19:21:44

Yes... understand that notanan2 I would have understood if she was meeting people I didn't know. But you are right and just letting it go... thanks

notanan2 Sun 08-Sep-19 19:25:30

Personally while group activities can be fun, you dont really catch up in a group. 1:1 or 1:2 is quality time.

And she saw you 1:1 last time

seacliff Sun 08-Sep-19 19:42:00

The rudeness and arrogance of some people takes my breath away. Especially what happened to Chewbacca.

I have a friend who quite often cancels due to "being ill. " Nothing serious at all. It wouldn't be for a proper outing to a one off show etc, just coffee. I do now still see her but in my mind I have made alternative plans if she cancels, so I am not too disappointed. I like her company and accept this foible of hers, as long as she doesn't do it too much!

Hetty58 Sun 08-Sep-19 19:49:43

I have a close relative like that. She arranges a day and time then almost inevitably changes it two or three times - for some reason. I've come to expect it now. That means a lot of days 'wasted' for me, though, when I could have seen somebody else.

I can't choose to cut off or ignore a close relative so I just joke about it now!

kircubbin2000 Sun 08-Sep-19 20:28:09

My Dil has a friend like this.She doesn't like to let anyone down and often arranges several things in close succession,often being late and pleasing no one.When she saw me picking up gs at school she asked us to meet her at a nature reserve. She arrived half an hour late and then remembered she had a dental appt in half an hour so rushed off.

ClareAB Sat 14-Sep-19 16:25:18

I have a very dear friend who's time management skills are enough to drive a saint to drink. Now, I simply give her a time half an hour earlier than necessary. It really does work smile

welbeck Sat 14-Sep-19 23:05:19

I see what Tedber is saying.
why tell someone that you are staying in the district and going to be meeting mutual friends if the person you are telling this to is not to be included.
sounds at least socially gauche, or inconsiderate, esp as Tedber had generously hosted and consoled that friend following bereavement.
that's what I think anyway.
good luck Tedber

ninathenana Sun 15-Sep-19 09:27:44

I can so relate to this.
My friend and I text 2-3 times a week but due to distance don't meet up that often.
We can rearrange a meet up 3 times before it actually happens due to her cancelling for one reason or another.
DH says he dosen't know why I bother.