Recipricocity

mimismo (me again?). Are you in Spain?

Oh...I'd just carry on as you have been doing for the past umpteen years.
Keep on sending cards and cheques...nothing's going to change.

Of course, I'm bring facetious.
You know perfectly well how to bring about change and need no input from us. ?

I am the 'one' in the family who sends cards. I share a birthday with my sister-in-law and never receive a card from my brother/s-in-l, which I find hurtful. In fact the other week she actually asked me not to send her any more cards as they made her feel bad that she had forgotten my birthday once again. Although my daughter always sends cards, my sons, like so many people nowadays also don't want to send or receive cards, it's all very sad.

I remember how, several years ago my mil announced that she would stop sending Christmas presents when children became 18. My dd was her eldest gc and that year was the year she had turned 18. I'll never ever forget the sadness on her face when 'Nana' handed out lovely presents to all the other children but left her out. I didn't think I would ever forgive her for being so mean.

Cancel the cheque

stella1949
Maybe ????? its an anniversary of something ?maybe their birthday ? and you would like to buy them something but do not know what they would like ????????

I don’t send cards or gifts to those who don’t respond. Worst case scenario I’m giving them a guilt trip or being irritating for 2 seconds when they open the card and realise it’s from me. Many friends I’m in contact with by email, fb or phone simply don’t send cards to anyone except close family.

Same thing here with dh's niece and nephew. 4 children between them and we (I) send vouchers for each child every Christmas. Never even any acknowledgement and they don't even send us a Christmas card but after 8/9 years it does seem petty to stop and don't want to cause any problem between DH and his sister whose children they are.

I've sent cards, gifts etc for every occasion to my siblings but last weekend it was my 40th wedding anniversary and I only got one card from my sister so - never again!!

Don't understand why someone would prefer flowers to money. You can buy something you like or need. Gifts aren't always what you like/want. Yet another toiletry set that will be unused! Dodgy scarf you won't wear!
Rather a cheque than a fourth, fifth bunch of flowers.
Our family writes wish lists so something wanted is given. Works well for us.

We exchange cards and presents but it always irks me that my SiL thanks just my husband, her brother, as if I hven'y always paid half!

Surely you give because you want to give, not because you want to receive?

Perhaps your SIL has been wishing all these years that you didn't buy her gifts because she doesn't like to feel obligated to reciprocate - maybe by omitting to send gifts in return she's hoping the gift giving will just tail off without having to talk about it and hurt anyone's feelings.

Just stop.

There comes a time In one’s life when it’s time to de clutter brains & emotions, this is one of them, 60th is a very apt age/time to stop with the cards & present , best wishes. You have done your best now let it go .

Children expect something tangible but with adults it's different. Not to reciprocate or show appreciation for an actual gift (card is another story) is most often a message that the recipient is not interested in an exchange.

In my opinion, people should say what's on their mind, but unfortunately, some people don't know how. I would have stopped insisting after the second (unacknowledged) try.

In my family, we had an unwritten rule - my dad was one of 10 and there were 21 grandchildren. It was decided that once a child turned 16 and was old enough to work, that the aunts and uncles would no longer do the Christmas and birthday presents. So to me, carrying on to 60 SiL or not is incredible! Time to stop the money/gifts bit, especially as it doesn't seem to be appreciated. If it is queried, just say that because you hadn't had a thank you, you didn't think that it had reached her so will not send a cheque through the post in future!

What makes me wonder is that OP and her husband have put up with this for years, so why complain now?

Surely you didn't think have a 60th birthday would make any difference, did you?

I have sent Christmas/Birthday cards to my husbands sister and her family for over 50 years now and yet to receive one in return. In fact one year apparently I forgot to send a b.card and got an e mail along the lines of "where is my card this year?". You couldn't make it up! I still send them cards as I think it is the Christian thing to do.

I find it odd that if you think someone else has more then you, they don’t deserve a monetary gift?

I don't think you should send them any more money or even cards.
For those who can't understand why adults would give adults money, in my experience it's so that you have some cash to spend on yourself on what you want. If you have plenty of money I don't suppose it's an issue, but when you don't have any spare cash it's a lovely feeling to just go out and treat yourself.

In Spain, yes

We always exchange cards and for special birthdays a small present. However in your circumstances I’d have packed this in long since.

as I think it's the Christian thing to do ?
??

Don’t send anymore, no cards or gifts.

It depends on whether you give to receive, or if you give because you just want the recipient to have what you send.

Personally, I wouldn't mark an adult's birthday with cash. If I wanted to mark the occasion, I would choose a gift.

Otherwise, a card is sufficient for an adult

Isn't it so aggravating when people are like this? I have a relative to whom I have sent cards and presents for years and have never had a thank you. My OH gets really angry and tells me to stop, but the mother of this relative sends my children gifts and is the kindest and sweetest individual - so in a sense I do it for her. I am sorely tempted to send the ungrateful one a pack of 'thank you' cards next year.