Boring friend.

kircubbin, a work colleague was friendly when we went out but very quiet/withdrawn in any group, crowd or team outings. I think she only had confidence with couple or pair situations.

The same could apply to the 'other classmate' or, indeed, to yourself.

When her (one and only) best friend died, she turned to me as a potential'replacement' but wanted a listener or sounding board rather than a balanced, two-way conversation. I was sympathetic but found her much too demanding and she resented other friends.

Lots of sensible advice here, so you don't need mine.

Therefore... if this new lady is rather straight laced, try attending your next tea party dressed in a black leather basque and fishnet stockings.
Insist on ordering a very large, fresh cream cake and eat it saucily.

That should, at the very least, make for an interesting conversation.

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Invite along another friend into the mix.
We meet each Wednesday in our witches coven, sorry craft group, where we chatter away blissfully talking about everything - putting the world to rights. I love it.
One of our group is thoughtful so asks each in turn how it's been going or some wouldn't get a word in edgeways.

I'm with Gemini1789 on this. Life's too short to have to socialize with people you don't enjoy spending time with. I have a very small group of friends who I love getting together with, sometimes as a small group, sometimes just two of us. We're all different characters, but we 'gel' and enjoy catching up, and discuss anything from families, husbands, kids, holidays, work, politics, etc. They make me happy, and we have lots of laughs, but also we've been there to support each other when things aren't going so well.

On the other hand, when I moved further away, another acquaintance invited me along to join a club, where I met other women, and we occasionally have the odd get-together.
The ladies are all very nice, but to be honest, I don't particularly enjoy our get-togethers ... I find them boring!Lol That's not because they are not interesting people, but we simply don't 'gel'. Maybe they think I'm boring too! The only reason I still meet up with them is because I don't want to seem rude! ... What did I say about life being too short?!

Also, what SueDonim said about not having to have things in common with someone in order to be a good friend and enjoy their company ... one of my oldest friends, whom I've know even since before school, who is not married, never had kids, has a career, etc. all unlike me, yet we have a very close friendship, and enjoy each others company whenever we get together.

I think it's definitely all about the 'gel' ...

This reminds me of the other week when I had over an hour to wait for my bus.
I went into the station cafe for a coffee to wait out my time. A lady came in and sat near me and I said hello, I talk to everyone I'm a bit of a talker to be honest.
The time passed so quickly as I listened with interest to this ladies past life. I had a very interesting hour and wished now I had suggested she come and join our Lincoln meet up group.
Even people who are quiet and reserved can open up and your new friend could have lots to say if you give her a chance.

If you're not keen on the other lady, just be honest and tell your friend exactly that. Say you'd rather go back to meeting up with just the two of you. She can then see the other person on her own, surely. What's the problem!

I find that my friends charm me for entirely different reasons. Theer are topics I would not broach with one friend and other topic I would not broach with another friend. The more individuals are in the group of freinds the less chance you all want to talk about the same thing.

I'd try harder with your quiet friend "strait laced and serious would intrigue me as I am like that too and have found few people who are like that. Would you please try to get her to visit Gransnet?

You're making me rethink my previous response "Gemini".
I too was kind about the third person and while I do feel she perhaps needs company, I wouldn't want to spend a lot of time being bored. Perhaps try to draw her out but if nothing changes then maybe a compromise is needed.

I don't think it's necessarily having anything in common. My oldest friend and I are like chalk and cheese, I'm long-term married, four DC, numerous GC, while she's a career woman, single, no children. Yet we have a such a close bond.

Maybe it's simply that the OP and the other person don't gel with each other. Even if they were friendly at school, much water has passed under the bridge since then and people change.

It took me many years to realise that I didn't have to be friends with everyone I met, and I was all the happier when I did realise that. I'd never want to be unkind to anyone, though, so it's best to just let acquaintances quietly lapse.

Crumbs ! Everyone who has commented is a lot kinder than I am. I don't spend time with people I find boring. Life's too short. And that might explain why I don't have lots of friends. I had a friend once who used to moan that she had to go to visit some dinner party friends. It was her turn to visit or something. Why would you do that ? Also why would you want people only to visit you because they felt they ought to ? I guess it depends what you mean by ‘friend ‘ . Is it someone you tolerate ? Or is it someone whose company you enjoy and after they have gone you feel happy ?
I’m genuinely interested in the answer to this because you read everywhere that friends are the secret to long life. Oh dear. Doesn’t bode well for me.

I have someone I see often, same age as me, and I have absolutely nothing in common with her. She has no hobbies, doesn't read books, doesn't go out to the cinema or any other form of entertainment outsude the home, and doesn't drive so doesn't travel far. (Not that I do many of them.)
And actually I'd be quite fed up with someone inviting a third to our weekly coffee without asking me. I had lunch with 2 sisters recently, and found I talk to each of them about totally different things! Three-way conversations are very difficult without a shared interest, preferably an actively shared, current interest.

How did you get on with her when you were at school?

If you liked her then, perhaps you can pick up some shared interests from you school-days. If you never really knew or liked her, she may feel the same about you.

Forget that you knew her at school and start off as you would with a person you had just met.

Ask about her work, family, interests, holidays. It is permissible to mention your parents, whether they knew her or not, and whether they are still living, or not and to ask after hers.

If after a while you still feel you have nothing in common, you could start inviting your other friend on her own sometimes.

I have known this lady since we were at school and was quite friendly with her then. We have grown apart. We do not chat about husbands or children but life in general, politics, films etc.
We will continue to meet when she is free to join us but I still prefer the company of the other friend and will probably meet her separately another time.

That should be Nicea!

Nivea and Marg. You are both so right about it being a couples (and families) world.That’s the first thing I found out when I lost myDH 11 years ago next weekend. Holiday availability and prices are very discriminating against singles -even those supposedly for lone travellers. Before I lost my DH we met up with another couple for a meal at their house or ours. They then moved and I haven’t even seen their home ,where they have now been for several years.
I meet up with two former colleagues every few weeks. This is good except one of them dominates the conversation with tales of her ‘amazing’ family. My other friend andI both have families ,but don’t wish,or get chance, to talk about them apart from the odd comment. Difficulty!

supposed to say"it's nice",don't know what happened there.

It must be difficult for the other lady if she hasn't that much in common with you.I'm not the life and soul of the party type,and I find it difficult if people are talking about things that I can't relate to.It's nice if somebody asks me what I've been doing, or something to bring me into the conversation,please try this with this lady

Quote She never married or had kids etc etc . What gives you the idea this is the be all and end all of every woman's existence ?My experience of this attitude was at a function where women, prestart of a formal dinner, were seated at one end of the room no doubt motherhood being the subject of conversation with males refreshment ! in hand gathered at the other end.My reply ? thanks but no thanks I will join the guys.Preference after a day in female company where guess what? kids being topic of conversation.

Can you find something other than marriage and family to talk about? Not everyone wants to giggle all day long either. Some of us are reserved, shy, not outgoing or confident. For a variety of reasons.

However I expect the lady feels uncomfortable and yet could have a wealth of knowledge and interests in life, with a rich internal life, opinions and viewpoints you haven't taken the time to learn about.

If I was her I wouldn't bother with shallow people anyway. You are judging her without knowing her in the slightest.

The world of couples is intimidating sometimes and not easy to navigate when without a partner.

Make it interesting. Everyone bring a synopsis of a book they've recently read, or film they've recently seen; or a riddle (what do you call a man who's always on your doorstep); best song of the 60s etc.

Answer: Matt.

kircubbin200 have you ever thought that she might feel the same about you? The reason I say this is because I've spent my whole life in the company of other women who do nothing but 'twitter on' about their children and then later their grandchildren. I've been so bored my 'eyeballs ached'. When the same women finally run out of things to 'better' each other's children/grandchildren either in achievement or numbers, they might turn to me and ask if I have children. What happened to intelligent conversation? I am 'blissfully child-free'; I don't need to explain it to anyone and neither should your new friend. If I'm straight and to the point, so be it, perhaps you should take a look at the situation again. Your other friend doesn't seem to find the new lady boring.

Marg123 & Nivea you are spot on.

Nivea. I love that expression ‘A Noah’s Ark’ view of society. I have been a single person for many years and yes it is still a couple’s world.

Give her time. You may find when she opens out a bit that having had a life so dissimilar to yours she’s really quite interesting. Perhaps you could all go to the cinema - or bowling or something that none of you have tried before. It’s an opportunity for everyone to get out of their ruts.

You and your friend could still meet up at an additional time, say once a month, to chat about stuff your new friend would feel excluded from.

It’s ultimately up to you whether you want to see someone or not. Maybe you can still meet your friend as a twosome sometimes. Personally I find it boring if people’s whole lives revolve around their family and that’s all they can talk about! If this lady is single then she has probably already been excluded from some gatherings because unfortunately a lot of couples have a Noah’s Ark view of society and unless you are in a couple you’re seen as ‘not normal’ or uninteresting.