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AIBU

Boring friend.

(36 Posts)
kircubbin2000 Sun 29-Sep-19 16:08:29

I've always kept in touch with an old school friend and we meet weekly.Recently she had made contact with an other classmate and she has started coming out with us. She never married or had kids and I find it hard to have anything in common with her. The conversation seems to lack fun as she is rather straight laced and serious. I thought I might suggest another extra day out to my friend just the two of us.

notanan2 Sun 29-Sep-19 16:27:26

Its fine for you to invite who YOU want when you host.

Just do not tell your friend to exclude their other friend when THEY host, that would be mean

Tedber Sun 29-Sep-19 16:40:47

Perhaps you just need to give it time kircubbin and have a little more compassion? This friend may not know how to converse with you either? She won't be able to discuss kids and husbands but maybe there are other areas you are both interested in like books/travel/films etc. 3 way conversations are often more difficult than a twosome especially when you don't know that other person as well.

No reason you shouldn't have other 'playdates' just the two of you though. Just don't make it obvious. A) you would hurt 3rd persons feelings and she may haveself esteem issues anyway and B) your friend may feel sorry for her or may enjoy asking her along?

LondonGranny Sun 29-Sep-19 17:08:02

She could be trying hard not to dominate in what is essentially a you and your friend situation. She could just be shy and not sure enough of you yet to be more garrulous.

kircubbin2000 Sun 29-Sep-19 17:27:01

I wouldn't say anything to either of them but I do miss our cosy chats. I'm sure we'll work out so etching.😁

kircubbin2000 Sun 29-Sep-19 17:28:24

Something! This spell check is so annoying.

annep1 Sun 29-Sep-19 17:39:11

Sounds like she enjoys meeting up with you two or she wouldn't come. We are all differwnt. Some people aren't as good at conversation as others. It could be me! I am so like that. I think of everything I could have said when I get home and I'm so shy about giving opinions. But I'm happy to listen to others. (Which can be a good thing). I love company and I would hate to be excluded. And it gets easier the more I try so please be patient with her.

annep1 Sun 29-Sep-19 22:18:21

differwnt different

Hetty58 Sun 29-Sep-19 23:21:47

Some people just prefer to go out with one friend, others are more comfortable in a group, that's all. Surely, discussing husbands and children is deadly boring, though - isn't it?

annep1 Mon 30-Sep-19 03:23:56

What Hetty says is true - there are lots of other things to chat about.

Nellie098 Mon 30-Sep-19 09:49:13

I imagine your friend brought this person along because she was lonely and not getting out enough. She is probably feeling like a gooseberry and may not want to go out with you both on a regular basis anyway in the months to come. Try to get to know what her likes and dislikes are and then see if you both can find something she might like to do without you. I guess she needs to build her confidence.
I certainly understand the need to have a friend who you meet for a chat and a laugh because that is what I prefer, Tell your friend how you feel and see what she says because I am sure you can reach a compromise.

Nicea Mon 30-Sep-19 10:43:02

It’s ultimately up to you whether you want to see someone or not. Maybe you can still meet your friend as a twosome sometimes. Personally I find it boring if people’s whole lives revolve around their family and that’s all they can talk about! If this lady is single then she has probably already been excluded from some gatherings because unfortunately a lot of couples have a Noah’s Ark view of society and unless you are in a couple you’re seen as ‘not normal’ or uninteresting.

NfkDumpling Mon 30-Sep-19 10:50:50

Give her time. You may find when she opens out a bit that having had a life so dissimilar to yours she’s really quite interesting. Perhaps you could all go to the cinema - or bowling or something that none of you have tried before. It’s an opportunity for everyone to get out of their ruts.

You and your friend could still meet up at an additional time, say once a month, to chat about stuff your new friend would feel excluded from.

Marg123 Mon 30-Sep-19 11:01:06

Nivea. I love that expression ‘A Noah’s Ark’ view of society. I have been a single person for many years and yes it is still a couple’s world.

Forestflame Mon 30-Sep-19 11:07:50

Marg123 & Nivea you are spot on.

Mindy5 Mon 30-Sep-19 11:37:27

kircubbin200 have you ever thought that she might feel the same about you? The reason I say this is because I've spent my whole life in the company of other women who do nothing but 'twitter on' about their children and then later their grandchildren. I've been so bored my 'eyeballs ached'. When the same women finally run out of things to 'better' each other's children/grandchildren either in achievement or numbers, they might turn to me and ask if I have children. What happened to intelligent conversation? I am 'blissfully child-free'; I don't need to explain it to anyone and neither should your new friend. If I'm straight and to the point, so be it, perhaps you should take a look at the situation again. Your other friend doesn't seem to find the new lady boring.

GrannyAnnie2010 Mon 30-Sep-19 13:04:21

Make it interesting. Everyone bring a synopsis of a book they've recently read, or film they've recently seen; or a riddle (what do you call a man who's always on your doorstep); best song of the 60s etc.

Answer: Matt.

bluebirdwsm Mon 30-Sep-19 13:14:43

Can you find something other than marriage and family to talk about? Not everyone wants to giggle all day long either. Some of us are reserved, shy, not outgoing or confident. For a variety of reasons.

However I expect the lady feels uncomfortable and yet could have a wealth of knowledge and interests in life, with a rich internal life, opinions and viewpoints you haven't taken the time to learn about.

If I was her I wouldn't bother with shallow people anyway. You are judging her without knowing her in the slightest.

The world of couples is intimidating sometimes and not easy to navigate when without a partner.

sarahellenwhitney Mon 30-Sep-19 13:37:27

Quote She never married or had kids etc etc . What gives you the idea this is the be all and end all of every woman's existence ?My experience of this attitude was at a function where women, prestart of a formal dinner, were seated at one end of the room no doubt motherhood being the subject of conversation with males refreshment ! in hand gathered at the other end.My reply ? thanks but no thanks I will join the guys.Preference after a day in female company where guess what? kids being topic of conversation.

Noreen3 Mon 30-Sep-19 13:56:50

It must be difficult for the other lady if she hasn't that much in common with you.I'm not the life and soul of the party type,and I find it difficult if people are talking about things that I can't relate to.It's nice if somebody asks me what I've been doing, or something to bring me into the conversation,please try this with this lady

Noreen3 Mon 30-Sep-19 13:58:06

supposed to say"it's nice",don't know what happened there.

trendygran Mon 30-Sep-19 14:09:55

Nivea and Marg. You are both so right about it being a couples (and families) world.That’s the first thing I found out when I lost myDH 11 years ago next weekend. Holiday availability and prices are very discriminating against singles -even those supposedly for lone travellers. Before I lost my DH we met up with another couple for a meal at their house or ours. They then moved and I haven’t even seen their home ,where they have now been for several years.
I meet up with two former colleagues every few weeks. This is good except one of them dominates the conversation with tales of her ‘amazing’ family. My other friend andI both have families ,but don’t wish,or get chance, to talk about them apart from the odd comment. Difficulty!

trendygran Mon 30-Sep-19 14:12:10

That should be Nicea!

kircubbin2000 Mon 30-Sep-19 14:49:26

I have known this lady since we were at school and was quite friendly with her then. We have grown apart. We do not chat about husbands or children but life in general, politics, films etc.
We will continue to meet when she is free to join us but I still prefer the company of the other friend and will probably meet her separately another time.

grandtanteJE65 Mon 30-Sep-19 16:21:13

How did you get on with her when you were at school?

If you liked her then, perhaps you can pick up some shared interests from you school-days. If you never really knew or liked her, she may feel the same about you.

Forget that you knew her at school and start off as you would with a person you had just met.

Ask about her work, family, interests, holidays. It is permissible to mention your parents, whether they knew her or not, and whether they are still living, or not and to ask after hers.

If after a while you still feel you have nothing in common, you could start inviting your other friend on her own sometimes.