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AIBU to expect the same?

(72 Posts)
Yehbutnobut Sun 27-Oct-19 07:24:41

Him indoors is deaf. Can’t hear a thing without his hearing aid. Before he puts it in in the morning I have to repeat everything loudly many times to make myself heard. Any background noise during the day, radio, taps running, he doesn’t hear me and I have to keep repeating things.

Now my hearing is borderline. Don’t actually need a hearing aid yet. Can hear most people ok just the odd person who mutters I will ask to repeat. I can tell they are muttering as their lips hardly move when they speak.

But HE is a muttered. And when I ask him to repeat I get the eyes raised, the tuts, the exasperation. I think that’s a damned cheek considering how patient I am with him,

Is it too much to expect of the male of the species?

notnecessarilywiser Sun 27-Oct-19 07:35:51

Tell your DH that since you're having trouble hearing him you're going to have your hearing tested. Get it tested. If you're told it's as good as you say it is, present this information to your DH as proof that the fault must lie elsewhere!

Yehbutnobut Sun 27-Oct-19 07:46:52

I have just had it tested, and I’ve told him that. It’s not that he doesn’t know that, it’s the fact that I’m expected to repeat ad nauseam he cannot extend the privilege to me without all the charades.

PamelaJ1 Sun 27-Oct-19 08:28:48

Well yes.?

Flossieturner Sun 27-Oct-19 09:10:39

I could have written the same post. I have hearing aids but when I am not wearing them I get the tuts and looks. I challenged him on it and he now a bit more to,errant, The worst thing I find is if I ask him something and he keeps his head down and answers. I want to say, “Either speak louder or look at me” I try or get his attention but it is quite wearying.

He started to, lose his hearing quite a while ago and I was much more patient with him. His loss has steadied so he does not need aids. I don’t wear mine all the time as I find the ambient noise quite difficult.

Bellanonna Sun 27-Oct-19 09:20:20

My OH just won’t wear his aids so I am a constant repeater, and it’s wearing especially if I’ve just made a silly throwaway or funny comment, that with the repetition loses its humour,
He doesn’t actually need the aids of course, I just need to speak more clearly. I mumble! Apparently.

yggdrasil Sun 27-Oct-19 09:58:50

Stop talking unless it is necessary:-)
Or get a notebook, write down what you say and stick it under his nose!

Liz46 Sun 27-Oct-19 10:18:37

My husband talks to me from another room when I am making us a cuppa even though he knows the kettle is noisy and I can't hear him.

On a lighter note, I was at work a while ago and had to keep repeating myself to a colleague. In the end I shouted to her 'did you remember to put your hearing aids in?'. She started to laugh and told me that her husband had been getting on her nerves so she had turned them off and forgotten to switch them back on again!

Nonnie Sun 27-Oct-19 10:28:59

We both have hearing aids, DH refuses to wear his. Is it vanity? I have short hair so mine can be seen easily but it doesn't bother me. I wear glasses, what is the difference? I keep asking him to turn down the TV (yes, he controls the controls!)

For anyone on this thread who doesn't know, everyone in the UK over 55 is entitled to a free hearing test and free aids if they need them. Our supply of batteries arrived yesterday, very efficient. I have a lot now because DH doesn't use them!

Dottydots Sun 27-Oct-19 10:57:32

My boyfriend doesn't wear his hearing aid very often as he says the strange noises it emits get on his nerves. I tell him that having to repeat everything to him gets on my nerves too!

One blessing, though, is that I can blow off to my heart's content and he doesn't hear me.

MissAdventure Sun 27-Oct-19 11:09:49


BradfordLass72 Sun 27-Oct-19 21:47:43

The answer is definitely notepad and pen - save your voice.

If he won't conform to polite conversation via the written word then he can jollywell wash his own socks!

Grammaretto Sun 27-Oct-19 21:59:17

It is hard isn't it. Shouting a joke for the 2nd time.
What gets me is his mishearing and thinking I said something quite different. I don't speak clearly apparently. Funny, he used to hear what I said but wouldn't dream of getting his hearing tested. It must be me. hmm

SpringyChicken Sun 27-Oct-19 22:41:06

I'm afraid I would say 'I refuse to repeat anything again until you are prepared to do the same for me with good grace'.

annep1 Sun 27-Oct-19 22:52:57

Men can be so annoying sometimes. They're just not as considerate as us. (And I know there are exceptions)
I think their mothers spoilt them.

Fran3669 Sun 27-Oct-19 23:23:05

I love my Dad more than he’ll ever realise but he can get quite agitated when he thinks my Mum has said something (whether she has or hasn’t).

For some bizarre reason he is more unreasonable with her than anyone else, despite how she excuses his behaviour on a fairly regular basis.

My husband and I love spending time with my parents and we go away at least once a year for a holiday as a foursome (my husband’s suggestion but massively appreciated by me as it’s my Mum and Dad and I love being with them both).

We have noticed that my Dad’s hearing has deteriorated and he gets quite short tempered; either when he’s missed half a conversation or when he’s imagined someone’s said something they haven’t.

I wish he’d get his hearing checked and, if appropriate, a hearing aid fitted. He misses out on the subtle nuances of a conversation and is short tempered, and seriously lacking in his old sense of humour, as a result.

He doesn’t like to admit he’s getting older but do any of us really?

Yehbutnobut Mon 28-Oct-19 07:37:58

Thank you SpringyChicken you got what I was moaning about ??

annep1 Mon 28-Oct-19 09:50:27

I think we all got what you were moaning about.

GabriellaG54 Mon 28-Oct-19 10:28:16

I must be a robot or from another planet.
Don't need hearing aids, walking aids, glasses or medication.

Diggingdoris Mon 28-Oct-19 10:34:16

Every time I speak to my husband he says 'what' or 'say that again' and I repeat. It's infuriating as he says I mumble. How come everyone else I speak to hears me ok? I've asked him to have a test but he says there's nothing wrong with his hearing. We went for a meal last week with his daughter and partner, and they noticed that he kept saying he didn't hear their question as the restaurant was noisy. Us three managed a conversation ok, so it couldn't have been that bad. The volume of the tv is always above what is comfortable for me. Why are men reluctant to get help with health issues? Drives me crazy!

EllieB52 Mon 28-Oct-19 10:36:11

Oh sounds so familiar. Either I’m deaf (if I can’t hear him) or I’m muttering (if he can’t hear me). He’s one of those men who will never take the blame for anything, even when there’s evidence to the contrary. Amazing how he can hear me when I mutter under my breath about him!!

Bbbface Mon 28-Oct-19 10:48:02

I love your comment on mutterers

Anyone with hearing problems always seem to think the the problem is due to people muttering rather than their hearing!

Ashcombe Mon 28-Oct-19 10:51:36

I’ve had hearing aids for five years and wouldn’t be without them. Background noise can be an issue but I make no secret of the fact that I wear them and people are generally supportive. It does take a few weeks for your brain to adjust - at first I was super sensitive to everything, even the swishing of my shoulder length hair!

Rosina Mon 28-Oct-19 10:57:23

Oh what a revelation this thread has been! I have moderate hearing loss, and OH is a mutterer too. He is quite deaf, mostly doesn't bother with his aids, I repeat endlessly to him, and if I ask him to repeat he bawls at the top of his voice as if I am an imbecile, which infuriates me. In a restaurant a few weeks back he was relaying a tale and I kept asking him to repeat it and he got annoyed; I told him I coud hear what the woman behind him was saying, but not him - what did that say about his muttering?

annep1 Mon 28-Oct-19 11:02:58

Consider yourself very lucky GabriellaG54