Don’t want to go

I went to a 70th party of a dear friend knowing there would be someone there I really didn't want to see or speak to. I managed to ignore them (without making a scene). They, on the other hand, made a terrible scene, were extremely rude to the birthday girl, and stormed out!!
If nothing that dramatic is going to happen then I'd go, for the sake of your friend ?

Some of your comments were not too nice. Daughter is throwing a party for her dad.. Your friend and neighbour. Put your feelings aside for an hour and help him celebrate. He might not want this surprise either.

I agree with Wildrose24. I'm sure your friend would appreciate you turning up, even for a short time. Who knows, sometimes the occasions where you dread going turn out to be the most enjoyable. You may end up staying.

i really don't understand why people think there's an obligation, just because you've been invited!

i think you should begin by giving yourself absolute permission NOT to go. then see if any thoughts arise that make you feel you'd LIKE to go. only point in going if you can enjoy yourself enough to be a good guest. otherwise steer clear.

meanwhile, a good strategy might be to arrive early (not too early, but 'on the dot') - spend a little time with your friend, then leave early when no one will notice/mind so much.

i hope you can enjoy whichever choice you make.

As you mention, you have been friends for many years. I think you should go with your other friend to the party even if it's for an hour.
The time goes by quickly it really does when people get chatting. You may even find yourself enjoying it.
I'm not a one that enjoys parties but for a long standing friendship I would at least show my face.

Just grow up - go and behave yourself. No silly excuses about not feeling well or something else to do. You have someone to go with- not everything is about you you know, Other people matter and have feelings

Ohmother - the daughter is inviting you because she knows your neighbour will appreciate your presence. So, for the sake of your neighbour and friend of many years, you should go but as others have said, have your exit plan. On arrival you should say that you feel a bit queasy and are hoping that as the night wears on you feel better. That's the groundwork done, and all you have to do when you want to beat a hasty retreat is to tell your neighbour that you're feeling worse and leave.

I was asked by a friend of my daughter to go to a party and felt that I wouldn't really be welcome.
I did go and although there were a couple of people I felt unsure of,after a short time I did relax and enjoy the evening.
The family may be more amenable at the party so just go for your friend and as there will probably be a few people there you can mix with the people you know and maybe even some new ones. You can always leave a little early but your friend will be glad to see you.
The family may even be unsure of things themselves.
I thought it was a child that didn't want to go when I read the title!

I would go for your friend’s sake. And I wouldn’t make snide remarks either and make things unpleasant for his birthday. . Just rise above it. Be pleasant yourself. And then if anyone is nasty to you, it is on their head. Don’t lower yourself. I wonder if you are a little anxious. Don’t be. Just be yourself. It would be good to have your other neighbour to go with, to have someone to chat to if you don’t know many other people there. And I’m sure it would be OK not to stay too long. It isn’t an insult to be asked to a party. It shows they want you there. Good luck.

Hmmm @OhMother I’m not sure about some things you’ve mentioned.

The daughter has invited you to a family occasion so she cannot be that stuck-up.

You’ve mentioned that you are friends. Would you have met & become friends were you not neighbours ? Do you share interests, values, maybe go off to clubs or jaunts & enjoy yourself as friends?

I have the sense that you find yourself very OK & everyone else around you not quite so...

‘...very opinionated. I’m assertive...’ same difference.

‘...so I generally just laugh at the things her father tells me the daughters says.’... really ? Does he do this in jest, with a jocular twinkle ? Because if not, someone ‘asserting’ their opinion in my own home about my family by laughing at them would be out the door.

‘Her word is law in his eyes by the way. ’ likely so, he brought her up & contributed to her outlook on life. Plus she is his daughter, his flesh & blood, & trust runs deep in families.

Could it be he thinks of you as a helpful neighbour & keeps matters friendly as he is well-mannered & polite ?

I suggest you accept the invitation with good grace, turn up with a nice bunch of flowers, mingle a bit, say nice things & go before you outstay your welcome either as a friend or neighbour (meaning that you can no longer keep your trap shut or opinions to yourself) leaving the family there to enjoy themselves with their father. Please bear in mind that for now you know it is a surprise party, so the father has not expressed a wish for you to be there...so far.

If that suggestion makes you spit or compelled to assert your opinion, then don’t go at all because you just don’t get it.

Nope wouldn't go.. I have long standing friend whos daughter invited me to my friends 70th birthday surprise party I said I will have to play it by ear, when the time came I just said sorry won't be coming (no excuses etc) I still sent my friend a card and bought her little goody bag and took her out for little lunch .

The had another invite from same friend for their wedding anniversary, said sorry dont' think I will be attending. All was well.

When I went to a 40th neighbours birthday party about 10 yrs ago and sat in a corner on my own, I vowed it would be the last function/large gathering I went to, and I stuck to it.(although I did stay for the potatoe pie n peas )

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Perhaps your friend wants to demonstrate to his family that he does have friends of his own rather than them thinking that without them he is a 'Johny no mates'. If it saves his pride perhaps it would be worth going?

What's the food going to be like?
any 'talent' there at all (?)
That used to be the way we weighed things up for a party, didn't it?
all best
painting

Go just for your friend. You never know you might even enjoy it. You don't have to stay to long,

Your friend could be looking for you to 'rescue' him from all the other guests

Hi Good Evening my thoughts are with you all I can say is never put yourself in a situation that you are not happy with, I have a phrase in these situations ? be economical with the truth you never have to explain yourself, take your friend out just you and her to mark the occasion.

Friendship between neighbours is a really precious thing. Go. If your fears are realised have an exit rehearsed - Glances at watch - Oh gosh I have a very early start tomorrow. etc - do a bit of googling.

I would attend and if things get a bit iffy, just develop a migraine. But still take your friend out for lunch.x

How upset would your friend be on his surprise 70th birthday party if you weren’t there? If you think it’d bother him then I’d smile, grit your teeth and go. If you think he wouldn’t be bothered there’s no need to put yourself through it.

Difficult one, this. Easy to say go and enjoy yourself, your friend will like it and you can ignore his daughter but in real life, these dislikes can permeate around.

If you genuinely don’t want to go, can you pop a note through their letterbox the day before saying you are feeling rather flu-y and don’t want to spoil the party or make anyone else ill, but you’ll take your neighbour out for lunch when you feel better.

On the other hand, if you are feeling brave, as it’s for your friend who would like you there, you could go with your other neighbour and find a corner to sit in and enjoy the conversation, canapés, cake AND drink! ????

I think ALL invitations should be accepted! It’s because the hosts want you there.

Snobby or not - they’ve extended an invitation.

Go!

Your 70y old friend will be DELIGHTED to see you at his surprise party.

Just relax and be YOU - it’s who the birthday boy loves.

Take your friend out for lunch but tell the daughter you will go, then on the night you could have a migraine or something similar.

He’s your friend of course you must go. It’s only for a few hours, what’s that in years of friendship? If you don’t go you may regret it. Who knows you may even enjoy it.?

I think you should go for your friend. You might find that you enjoy yourself!! But also have the quiet meal with him later