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Don’t want to go

(112 Posts)
Ohmother Sun 03-Nov-19 18:39:29

My neighbour and friend of many years is having a 70th suprise birthday party thrown by his daughter. I really don’t like the daughter as she and most of her family are snobby, looks down their noses at ‘plebs’ and are very opinionated. I am assertive so I generally just laugh at the things her father tells me the daughters says. Her word is law in his eyes by the way.

I don’t wish to meet up at this party with the rest of the snobs in the family. Should I go or should I just take my friend out to lunch to mark the occasion as I’d planned? I know he would like me there but I’m dreading the occasion.?

MissAdventure Sun 03-Nov-19 18:41:43

I wouldn't go, or perhaps pop in for the shortest time imaginable, with an undeniably important reason why I must leave at whatever o'clock.

Luckygirl Sun 03-Nov-19 18:42:14

There came a point in my life when, a propos of social events, I decided life was too short to go to anything I did not want to.

notanan2 Sun 03-Nov-19 18:44:15

If I really liked my friend I would go but with an exit plan: e.g. dog home alone etc

sodapop Sun 03-Nov-19 18:44:29

I think you should put your feelings aside and celebrate with your neighbour. You don't have to stay all evening and he will appreciate you being there. Ignore any comments from the daughter and be the better person.

PamelaJ1 Sun 03-Nov-19 18:44:37

I aspire to be you Luckygirl, if only.
Can’t you think of a really good reason to decline?

ayse Sun 03-Nov-19 18:45:43

I’d take my friend out as planned and just pop in to the party to show my face.

Life’s too short to spend time with people you have little in common with and I’m sure your friend will understand.

MissAdventure Sun 03-Nov-19 18:48:28

The reason you don't want to go?
"Thanks for the invite, but it's really not my thing" (and it's the truth!)

Ohmother Sun 03-Nov-19 18:51:32

MissAdventure. It normally is my thing though. It’s the company I won’t like. ?

MissAdventure Sun 03-Nov-19 18:55:20

Oh, I see. Hmmm..
Looks like you'll have to pop in, unless you're prepared to be very forthright.

Ohmother Sun 03-Nov-19 19:01:38

I might take the advice to pop in for an hour. I won’t eat the canapés offered and just say ‘Sorry, I’ve got three day’s worth of leftovers at home. If I eat that s@&t I won’t have room for my tea. ‘

I’m being as snotty as they are aren’t I? ?

Pantglas2 Sun 03-Nov-19 19:06:02

An hour’s kindness goes a long way......

Ohmother Sun 03-Nov-19 19:11:19

Pantglas you are so right.

In fact, for my hour of kindness, I’ll go with another friend who does loads for my neighbour but is also reluctant to go as she doesn’t feel comfortable or at least on equal terms with the family.

Bridgeit Sun 03-Nov-19 19:15:04

Go to the party for a short while to support your friend,
enjoy yourself listening to the them & throw in a wry smile here & there.
You can still go out for lunch together on a different day.

M0nica Sun 03-Nov-19 19:54:21

I would grin and bear it. Someday, or may be already, someone has felt like that about the other guests or some other reason that meant that they really didn't want to accept an invitation from you. If they avoided it, you may well have been hurt by their absence, or their presence made your day.

We cannot have life all our way all the time, and sometimes it is grinning and bearing it on occasions like this, is that makes us the person other people like to know.

It won'tkill you, so go. Put on a good face and internally think what you like of your fellow guests, you might even think hard and very gently wind them up a bit!

Tedber Sun 03-Nov-19 20:14:54

Go! You don't have to stay all night but if this is a good friend and it is a special birthday and he would like you there then why not go for him and ignore the people you don't like?

Still take him out as planned by yourself too. Make it really special for him.

Tedber Sun 03-Nov-19 20:23:17

Oh just read your comment " I won’t eat the canapés offered and just say ‘Sorry, I’ve got three day’s worth of leftovers at home. If I eat that s@&t I won’t have room for my tea. ‘

Sadly I think your attitude needs addressing oh mother. Nothing wrong with canapes imo lol. Don't think that is particularly snobby. Why not just enjoy it for what it is? You don't need to have pre-conceived ideas of what you think you might like?

SirChenjin Sun 03-Nov-19 20:27:39

I’d go to show your friend that you care but set my self a limit of an hour and then decide whether I want to stay or leave. You never know, you might have a lovely time!

GagaJo Sun 03-Nov-19 21:08:55

I'd manufacture a 'genuine' reason for not going, then make it up to him later, by taking him out to dinner, or getting him a really nice treat.

If it's a big party, lets be honest, you won't be missed. And you can eagerly ask him to tell you ALL about it, when you go out to dinner.

Hetty58 Sun 03-Nov-19 21:14:35

I'd accept the invitation but then phone at the last minute to say I can't attend. Unfortunately, I have a temperature, you see, but I'm sure I'll be fine for lunch next week!

Wildrose24 Sun 03-Nov-19 21:15:20

I would go for a short while then make sure I was double booked and leave.I would then take my friend out for a nice lunch as planned.

grapefruitpip Sun 03-Nov-19 21:28:04


lemongrove Sun 03-Nov-19 21:48:44

Yes grapefruit ....are you saying you’ve never heard of them?
Delicious ( or not) little bits and bobs to eat handed out to guests as they stand around drinking and talking.

I would go to the event to please your friend OhMother after all, that’s what it’s about isn’t it, his 70th birthday.We often have to do things we don’t want to really do, (after all, who enjoys hospital visiting or funerals, )but we do it for other people.

Maggiemaybe Sun 03-Nov-19 22:00:35

It’s your friend’s special day/do, not his daughter’s. You know he’d like you there, so why would you let him down? I’m not sure why you wouldn’t eat the canapés. They might be delicious and you might have a good time, who knows? smile

FarNorth Sun 03-Nov-19 22:10:42

You're being invited by the daughter, as it's a surprise.
Imagine, though, that your friend invited you. Wouldn't you go, at least for a short while, t to please him?

I see you've said you will go with another neighbour. That sounds a good plan.