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To feel annoyed with my husband

(81 Posts)
maddyone Fri 08-Nov-19 23:05:08

I think I am being unreasonable to be honest, but just want to share this upset with you lovely ladies. I’m feeling very upset with my husband at the moment and I’m also upset with myself.
We booked a dream holiday, four days in Australia, then board the cruise ship, and after the first port of Melbourne, we cruise to New Zealand and visit the fiords and both islands, returning from Auckland. We booked last Spring and in the Summer I checked to make sure if we needed any visas for Australia or New Zealand. No visa required for New Zealand but a 90 day tourist visa, obtainable online, was required for Australia. I discussed with Mr M and said we should apply. No need yet he declared. The website says it only takes 1/2 days to issue the visa online. No paper required. So we waited. I spoke to him on about 3 more occasions but he always said there was no need yet. I said I would do it, that evoked a cross response, no need yet, there’s plenty of time. Finally on 3rd November (we’re due to travel on 15th November) he succumbed to my wishes and filled in the application form. True to what was said, my visa arrived exactly two days later. His is not here yet. Today he phoned the relevant body in Australia, who told him there was no way it can expedited, it will arrive when it arrives. She also told us 90% of applications are turned around in 1/2 days. We just have to wait. Hopefully it will arrive before next Friday, but upon further investigations online, it appears a few visas take between 3 days and many days. The website also advises that you should apply at least 14 days in advance of travel in order to most likely receive your visa.
Mr M is a lovely man, a hard worker, and devoted son, father and grandfather. He is also a very good husband, but he is a control freak very independent. I recognise this and I know he needs to do things his way, and I know he likes to get on with helping our children with repairs etc, doing things around our own home, doing a massive amount of childcare for our children (I do as well, but he’ll frequently do it on his own) doing his gardening and a lot of other stuff. He’s rarely relaxing, always on the go, often helping other people. However, when I said I’ll do the application, he takes that as criticism of himself and gets a bit irritable.
Now it looks like it’s very possible we may not be able to go, and I feel annoyed with him. I’m also annoyed with myself for not disregarding him and just doing the application myself. We’ll only be able to claim part of the cost back from our insurance, so we’ll lose money as well as our long looked forward to holiday.
Sorry for the long post, but I know I’m being unreasonable to be annoyed with Mr M but I’m still asking you ladies what you think.

fiorentina51 Sun 10-Nov-19 06:15:29

I think you both deserve that holiday! Have a wonderful time. ?

Madgran77 Sun 10-Nov-19 07:30:07

I hope he has learnt a lesson from this experience! Have a great holiday

Apricity Sun 10-Nov-19 09:37:31

When your dear one is an avoider/procrastinator/stuffer arounder you just do it. No time wasting discussions or conversations. If it's important or has time constraints, just do it. Welcome to Oz. Hope you both have a really great time.

4allweknow Sun 10-Nov-19 09:47:08

I live with someone similar and it drives me mad. Don't give up on the holiday, just go. He has made an application and surely if he can't make a paper application when he hits Aussie, surely the IT system can be interrogated so see what's going on. Hopefully this will be a lesson learned for him.

Apricity Sun 10-Nov-19 09:54:08

PS. It doesn't mean you don't love and appreciate their good bits just recognising that they do some things really well but not so good at other things. Same applies to us. It's like life - swings and slides and even roundabouts on a really good day.

schnackie Sun 10-Nov-19 10:35:45

Good grief maddyone, I am exhausted just hearing about your weekend! The stress of the missing visa would have driven me right over the edge! You both really need this holiday and I'm so happy for you that things were resolved, so you can just have a happy week of packing and planning! Bon voyage!

MooM00 Sun 10-Nov-19 11:10:34

Hi, maddyone, I hope you enjoy your holiday it sounds like you are ready for it with all that stress. We had a holiday of a life time 3 years ago. Starting in Sydney having a cruise for two weeks going on to Newzealand, then we had a campervan touring for four weeks. It was amazing.

LuckyFour Sun 10-Nov-19 11:19:49

When we went to India earlier this year it took weeks to get the visa. You would expect a visa for Australia to be easier and quicker with no language issues. Doesn't seem to be the case. I hope you get it in time Maddyone, it's so annoying when everything is booked and one little thing could derail it. Good luck.

If anyone else needs a visa for India or anywhere else please beware of scam websites. We were almost caught out. Luckily our bank was on the ball.

knspol Sun 10-Nov-19 11:46:37

After previous trips to Australia we actually forgot to obtain visas and only realised when questioned at check in. We were told 'no problem' check in lady would do it for us and 5 mins or so later all was in order, visas obtained. Not a UK check in but may be the same in UK?

maddyone Sun 10-Nov-19 12:07:14

Hi ladies, many thanks for replies. I’m having a cup of coffee and sit down for a few minutes as Mr M has taken the twins to a party, blissful quietness reigns for a while.
Just to update, we got both the Australian e tourist visas through by Saturday morning. We were told by the Australian relevant body that with no e visa my husband wouldn’t have been allowed to board the flight, so we couldn’t ‘just go.’ Emirates confirmed this when we phoned them to check, we’re flying Emirates. Amazingly, having only applied for the New Zealand e tourist visas last night, they both came through this morning. We will print them all off even though we know they’re electronic, a just in case precaution.
Your post made me laugh schnackie, actually we are both exhausted, the twins are adorable but hard work. Since we’ve had them from Thursday after school we’ve taken them to swimming class, ballet class, football, park run, and now they’re at a birthday party ( otherwise it would have been rugby!) We often have them overnight or for two nights, usually in school holidays, and we take them out for the day, but this is the first of full care over five days. Just doing their spellings, reading, getting stuff ready for school or parties etc is in itself exhausting. I forgot how tiring it is since mine were young, but then I was young then too. I don’t know how some of our grandparents cope when their grandchild/grandchildren live with them.
Even though their parents will be back Monday night, we’ve got childcare for their two year old Tuesday and Thursday. I think I’m going to sleep all the way to Australia grin

B9exchange Sun 10-Nov-19 12:07:20

Glad it is all sorted, you can relax after your busy weekend and concentrate on your packing, you will have quite a bit to fit in, with the cruise clothes!

Not sure where you will be stopping in NZ, but if you haven't booked your trips already, Shore Excursions www.shoreexcursionsgroup.com/ will do alternative tours, often smaller and better value than the cruise line ones. They will pick you up from the ship and guarantee to get you back in time. Or just research the port for private ones, we have had the most amazing independent guides.

Mrsdof Sun 10-Nov-19 12:30:33

We spent 5 weeks in Australia last Xmas visiting my son and his family. We booked through Qantas but flew with Emirates. As we didn’t need a visa the last time we went (9yrs ago) it didn’t occur to me that we needed them this time. Turned up at check in and was told we needed visas and was sent to another desk who sorted out visas for us and 30 mins later it was all done and dusted and we checked in. Don’t know if we were incredibly lucky or what, but would have been devastated if we hadn't been able to go. Hope you have a fab time. Oz and NZ are amazing places to visit. Have fun!

RPClare Sun 10-Nov-19 12:54:17

Call Sta travel in London and get them to apply for an Australian Visa which you pay them for. They can get it while you are on the phone.

maddyone Sun 10-Nov-19 13:17:31

Thank you for suggestion RPClare, however we’ve got the e visas sorted out now. It was in the end a storm in a teacup, but didn’t feel like that as we waited and realised Mr M’s e visa hadn’t come through with mine. All sorted thank goodness.

Madmaggie Sun 10-Nov-19 14:04:15

Don't attempt to enter either Oz or NZ with any fresh food, fruit etc or animal products. They are extremely tough on this and the fines are big because they've never had foot & mouth and various crop pests and they want to keep it that way. Just read up first on what is banned at point of entry. Have a great time, you will find the kiwis and the Aussies a friendly bunch especially if you keep your sense of humour. If you tell a kiwi you are leaving and they say hurrah don't be offended, it means cheerio.

Eva2 Sun 10-Nov-19 14:31:19

Plenty of time for it to arrive...and if it doesnt HE can deal with it whilst travelling. Have a great time.

maddyone Sun 10-Nov-19 14:34:00

It’s arrived now Eva.
I knew about the food restrictions Maggie, but thanks for the reminder.

Pollyanna58 Sun 10-Nov-19 16:21:47

Hi I put the wrong date in for my husbands birthday once but Trailfinders applied for a business visa you might want to try that and to check all the details you put in were correct too I bet you get it before 15/11
For him instead and it came within days
I know this isn’t helpful but I got mine in an hour prob because I have been going
every year for twelve years

DotMH1901 Sun 10-Nov-19 16:22:03

Maddyone, I know how you feel but in my case it is my daughter who has to control everything. We were due to go on holiday in the half term and my passport and my three grandchildren's passports needed renewing. I did mine, got the forms from the Post Office for the kiddies, got told she would do them on line as it was easier, she insisted on taking their photos herself but they were rejected so we had to go and get them done elsewhere and then, just 10 days before we needed to leave she finally filled in the forms on line and attached the photos. Fortunately we got all three back in time, the last arriving just two days before our holiday began. She is like this with everything, including paying bills. I have lost count of the times we have received a final final letter threatening to cut us off or court action before I have been able to get her to deal with it. It isn't a lack of money, just that she habitually leaves things to the very last minute. Drives me crazy!

Pollyanna58 Sun 10-Nov-19 16:22:59

What a relief well done aus immigration!

ayse Sun 10-Nov-19 16:27:36

You definitely need a visa for New Zealand as well. My daughter sent me the link from NZ. I’m going in January. You will need to pay by credit card. Mine came within 24 hours.

Have a wonderful time.

Norah Sun 10-Nov-19 16:32:37

Is going alone an option?

NotAGran55 Sun 10-Nov-19 16:38:33

Have a wonderful time . Do let us have a review when you get back.

GreenGran78 Sun 10-Nov-19 16:38:53

I travel regularly from UK to Australia, and just apply online for a visa via the Australian Government website. It usually pops up in an email within the hour. I print it off, just in case, but they have it recorded electronically.
I can't understand why maddyone and her husband had to have it posted to them. Very odd!
I hope you weren't conned into using one of the commercial sites, maddy, who charge you for obtaining the visa you can get absolutely free without any hassle.

maddyone Sun 10-Nov-19 16:48:56

No Greengran, they are electronic tourist visas, and they’ve all arrived now, one each for Australia and one each for New Zealand. Everything is now okay after a worrying start to the weekend. We go on the 15th, and have our electronic e visas, and we’ll print them off just to have a hard copy. We’re not waiting for anything to be posted to us, we were waiting for my husband’s e visa for Australia.