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AIBU

To feel annoyed with my husband

(81 Posts)
maddyone Fri 08-Nov-19 23:05:08

I think I am being unreasonable to be honest, but just want to share this upset with you lovely ladies. I’m feeling very upset with my husband at the moment and I’m also upset with myself.
We booked a dream holiday, four days in Australia, then board the cruise ship, and after the first port of Melbourne, we cruise to New Zealand and visit the fiords and both islands, returning from Auckland. We booked last Spring and in the Summer I checked to make sure if we needed any visas for Australia or New Zealand. No visa required for New Zealand but a 90 day tourist visa, obtainable online, was required for Australia. I discussed with Mr M and said we should apply. No need yet he declared. The website says it only takes 1/2 days to issue the visa online. No paper required. So we waited. I spoke to him on about 3 more occasions but he always said there was no need yet. I said I would do it, that evoked a cross response, no need yet, there’s plenty of time. Finally on 3rd November (we’re due to travel on 15th November) he succumbed to my wishes and filled in the application form. True to what was said, my visa arrived exactly two days later. His is not here yet. Today he phoned the relevant body in Australia, who told him there was no way it can expedited, it will arrive when it arrives. She also told us 90% of applications are turned around in 1/2 days. We just have to wait. Hopefully it will arrive before next Friday, but upon further investigations online, it appears a few visas take between 3 days and many days. The website also advises that you should apply at least 14 days in advance of travel in order to most likely receive your visa.
Mr M is a lovely man, a hard worker, and devoted son, father and grandfather. He is also a very good husband, but he is a control freak very independent. I recognise this and I know he needs to do things his way, and I know he likes to get on with helping our children with repairs etc, doing things around our own home, doing a massive amount of childcare for our children (I do as well, but he’ll frequently do it on his own) doing his gardening and a lot of other stuff. He’s rarely relaxing, always on the go, often helping other people. However, when I said I’ll do the application, he takes that as criticism of himself and gets a bit irritable.
Now it looks like it’s very possible we may not be able to go, and I feel annoyed with him. I’m also annoyed with myself for not disregarding him and just doing the application myself. We’ll only be able to claim part of the cost back from our insurance, so we’ll lose money as well as our long looked forward to holiday.
Sorry for the long post, but I know I’m being unreasonable to be annoyed with Mr M but I’m still asking you ladies what you think.

dizzygran Sun 10-Nov-19 18:41:57

I'm with others. Would have to do this myself and OH would leave it to me. He would also leave it to the last minute.

Houndi Sun 10-Nov-19 18:53:27

Hope you have a lovely holiday me and my husband should have been going on this cruise but we have had to cancel as his mother was rushed into hospital on Wednesday

mrswoo Sun 10-Nov-19 18:58:55

....... and relax!

Hope you both have a brilliant, restful holiday.

maddyone Sun 10-Nov-19 19:19:14

Thank you mrswoo, and I’m so sorry to hear that Hounding. Maybe you can rebook for next year.

lemongrove Sun 10-Nov-19 19:23:58

Am late to this thread maddy but glad all is well for your holiday this week, have a great time!?

Mr Lemongrove is the opposite, he has to get everything done instantly, and we always arrive much too early for everything when we go anywhere.

Callistemon Sun 10-Nov-19 20:27:02

Thank goodness you checked about the NZ visas, maddyone!

I would have advised that you don't need one as we have only just been (end of September, beginning of October) and didn't need them, apparently they granted visitor visas on arrival. I did wonder if we could be left stranded at the airport while our Aussie companions were allowed in, but all was well.

Apricity Sun 10-Nov-19 20:55:34

Good point made by MadMaggie regarding bringing fresh food and animal and plant material into Australia. In a word 'don't.'

Due to the outbreak of swine fever in many places round the world it has been reported in our media that a number of travellers attempting to bring pork products into Australia have been refused entry and returned home immediately. Obviously all suspicious products are confiscated and destroyed.

Not declaring products is also an offence so if any doubt about anything you may have brought please declare it to border control and let them make the decision.

Callistemon Sun 10-Nov-19 23:44:39

The immigration form you have to fill in on the plane is a good reminder not to take any fresh products into Australia (nor guns, explosives, drugs etc)! You are supposed to declare even prescription medication.
Oh - and make sure your shoes are clean, although they will scrub them for you if they aren't.

TwinLolly Mon 11-Nov-19 06:45:49

maddyone I hope you have a lovely cruise.
I'm currently on a cruise ship and we are in Melbourne today (11/11/19), setting off for Tasmania and then on to NZ.

DH works on the cruise ship so we will be on it until early February - doing the OZ/NZ cruise run. Her sister ship is going around OZ - lucky them!

I am sure you will enjoy NZ - there is so much to see and do.

And yes, OZ and NZ are very particular about what can and can't enter the country. I had more than 3 months’ worth of meds that I declared, as per the landing card. I declared the hiking sandals I was wearing because they had been used for walks last month while on holiday in France. They looked at my feet (the base of my sandals) and allowed them through because they were clean, no mud/sand or seeds stuck to them. When in doubt - just declare it. Officials’ jobs are made a lot easier and they appreciate your honesty.

Both countries are strict on bio-hazards, even if stepping ashore to do a shore excursion. So absolutely no food of any kind can be taken off the ship. Sometimes a sniffer dog casually walks around guests heading out to see the sights. I remember a youngster took a pot of yogurt off the ship with him and ate it during an excursion. There were no sniffer dogs on exiting the gangway so he got away with it. However I ended up tactfully telling him that yogurt is a food and everyone was warned not to take anything off the ship. I told him to keep his dirty container in a plastic bag and bin it when he got back to the ship. If caught, the passenger could end up with a hefty fine; and possibly the ship too.

Apart from that - enjoy yourself and relax.sunshine

By the way - which ship are you going to be on?

ReadyMeals Mon 11-Nov-19 10:19:17

Well I don't understand why your husband was so set against applying earlier than necessary. Does he have some OCD that compels him to wait till the 11th hour to do anything? Good grief that stubbornness would drive me barmy! Mind you, I tend to get on and do things myself if I don't want to wait for other people to drag their feet. I think I'd have given up asking after the second time and just got on and done it.

ReadyMeals Mon 11-Nov-19 10:20:36

And just let him get irritable if he wants to. He'll have got over it by the time the holiday comes.

maddyone Mon 11-Nov-19 10:23:06

Good morning everyone, thank you again for responding, and no Lemon, you’re not too late. But everything is sorted now, I started worrying too early but all’s well that ends well. Now all I have to do is finish my packing. The twins are at school today, with after school clubs thrown in, so all we have to do is collect at 5.00 and feed and bath them, and return them to their parents who will arrive home early evening. We love them to bits, but we did get tired, it’s a full on job, but from today we can get on with our preparations. I only have to finish my packing, Mr M has to start his, but he will do that as soon as he’s walked the dog.
I knew about not taking food into Australia/New Zealand but not about the clean shoes Callistemon and Lolly, and I always pack clean shoes, but I’ll give the ones I’m wearing a special clean.
Also thank you to the gran who posted the link for excursions, that’s very useful.
Lolly, I hope you’re enjoying your time on board. We will be on Celebrity Solstice, leaving Sydney on 20th November. If you’re on that ship we must try to find each other. Send me a PM if you are.
Many, many thanks for all the support ladies.

Urmstongran Mon 11-Nov-19 10:36:22

Gosh TwinLolly I had watched daytime TV sometimes about Oz border control and bio hazards. I didn’t realise how strict they were - soles of shoes for example. Why is this? We are an island too and don’t do half the checks?

Urmstongran Mon 11-Nov-19 10:37:07

P.s. meant to say hope you have a wonderful holiday maddyone!

BradfordLass72 Mon 11-Nov-19 11:43:31

For anyone who is interested to see what maddyone will experience when cruising Fjordland, NZ, here's a short video.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=3WhLR2YTouU

Apparently you need strong insect repellent for some of the fjords as otherwise you'll be eaten alive by the mozzies.

Callistemon Mon 11-Nov-19 14:53:15

I was quizzed about my shoes on re-entry into Australia and went to take them off to show Border Control Officer but he hastily said "no, you're right, I can see they're OK, keep them on" grin

Urmstongran they were especially strict when we had foot and mouth in the UK, we got asked where we had been, had we walked in the country, been on a farm etc.

ayse Mon 11-Nov-19 14:56:54

Maddy1, how did you print your NZ visa? I didn’t get a printable copy.

TwinLolly Tue 12-Nov-19 06:09:10

maddyone Celebrity Solstice sounds nice. I've just had a quick look at her, via the internet.
DH and I are on the MS Noordam. She's recently had a re-furbishment in dry dock and everything smells new!
So, unfortunately we won't be able to meet up unless the cruise itineraries mean that the ships end up docking at the same port or tendering to the same port.

Urmstongran border control is trying its best to stop seeds from plants, and any plant material - which may have any signs of disease, from entering the country to prevent foreign plant invasion and to prevent plant diseases that might cause problems with their plants.

ayse, you may be able to save your visa to PDF format and then print, or, if you have email on your mobile phone, ensure you download that particular email while on your phone and it should be visible if you open that particular email when you are offline. I didn't print off my NZ visa. It has been linked to my passport on the NZ system so NZ authorities can see it when scanning my passport. Ditto for Oz. However I still have the downloaded emails handy on my phone!

TwinLolly Tue 12-Nov-19 06:16:21

ayse, my information may have sounded a bit complicated but hopefully it made sense or another gransnet user can help!

maddyone I hope you have a lovely time. Shout, in need.

Ameliarose Tue 12-Nov-19 09:09:21

4 days in Aus ,are you mad you need 4 months

Callistemon Tue 12-Nov-19 09:53:12

I think the aim of the trip is the cruise to New Zealand, Ameliarose, besides which not everyone can spare four months to go away!
Presumably the four days in Sydney gives time to get over possible jetlag and have a whistle stop tour of the main attractions before boarding the ship.

maddyone we've spent time in Sydney before travelling on and I booked entries to various places before we left the UK, some came as a package which worked out cheaper.
I would recommend the Sydney Tower Eye at sunset as well as the more obvious places.

BazingaGranny Wed 13-Nov-19 00:58:03

Glad it’s all sorted out, have a wonderful time.

We went to Australia some years ago, via Hong Kong. Husband said we didn’t need a visa (!) and I didn’t bother to check. When leaving Hong Kong, an hour before our flight to Sydney, someone at the transit station got our Australian visas for us. AMAZING service, can’t believe the same thing would happen in the UK. I had had visions of us spending three very annoyed weeks in Hong Kong, so now I check everything, at least twice! ?? ??

maddyone Mon 09-Dec-19 11:18:33

Just a quick update for anyone who’s interested. We arrived back home last Tuesday morning, having had a wonderful trip. We loved Sydney and managed to meet up with our son’s friend who lives out there. We were able to visit the Blue Mountains and Featherdale Wildlife Park and take ourselves on a self guided walking tour of Sydney. We boarded the cruise ship after four days and sailed off to New Zealand which was a real treat. Although cruises offer only a snapshot rather than a detailed tour, we managed to see a fair bit of the country. The Sounds (fiords) were magnificent and we really enjoyed the day we spent cruising three Sounds. Everyone was out on deck, the weather was glorious affording wonderful views (apparently we were very lucky as it rains there frequently) and then we went on to see the capital city Wellington, ride cable cars to magnificent views, learn about Maori culture and visit Maori villages, see Maori culture shows, visit Kiwifruit farms, see the magnificent Malborough wine region, see some of the hot springs of Rotorua, and much more. Of course, if we had been there independently, doing a self drive tour, we would have seen more, but overall, for the time we were there, I think we had a very good experience.

Thank you all you ladies who responded to my worries. It all seems like a storm in a teacup now, but the week before we left it felt like a very real worry.

maddyone Mon 09-Dec-19 11:20:25

Ayes, to print your NZ evisa, you need to change the format on the computer. As DH did that, I’m not sure what exactly he did. Sorry not to more help.

Callistemon Mon 09-Dec-19 11:45:01

I'm glad you enjoyed your trip, maddyone
We certainly did when we were there not long ago, although we were self-drive and could have done with longer there.