To dislike his female friend?

Sounds like she has a crush on him or some weird game going on in her head. I would be a bit cool with her and move in with him sooner rather than later. When you’re with him and her give him a few warm loving endearing smiles or a bit of PDA. I’ve known women cook up whole lives with men that don’t even like them. They convince themselves he really likes them and for some fantasy reason can’t declare his love etc etc etc One woman I know talked about nothing but the love of her life whilst he lived in another country and avoided visiting her like the plague. I was dumbfounded.

Charlie2468 where have you posted? what was the topic?
If you posted a problem in the middle of someone else's thread it may well go unanswered.

Flaxseed
Your DP new this person but made his choice when he met you. Make an effort to get involved with all DP's interests even if it means 'away days' as she wont tell you anything you don't already know.You cannot wipe out the past which this person will relish in bringing up before you came into DP's life .Go forward starting now.

In reply to one post, the woman friend is somewhat younger than the partner, not 20 years older.

It may be hard for some male/female friendships to stay platonic if alcohol is available plus close proximity to a comfy king size bed, for example on a sporting weekend at a hotel, if stories we’ve seen on the tv or in newspaper agony aunt columns are to be believed.

On the other hand, sometimes people simply don’t fancy each other and this woman may never be a threat!

Good luck with the 'talk' with your man Flaxseed Bluebelle you are quite correct, I completely missed the bit about her only being a friend a couple of years longer than Flaxseed.

I thought she was one of the long standing 'hangers on' who never get anywhere because HE doesn't see it like "that kind of relationship" no matter how much she wants it to be.

No idea what she confided in OP but the fact she phoned the partner to 'thank' OP sounds to me like she just wants any excuse to get in touch with HIM. Probably a load of BS t.b.h.

I have actually had same - many years ago with my first husband. A long standing colleague of his only wanted to get to know me so she could be close to HIM. I thought she was pathetic and found it all laughable, hanging on to his every word like a puppy dog and it didn't really bother me but thinking about it I had never been hurt, my confidence was sky high. Eventually he was promoted to another branch in different town, we moved and she fizzled away.

I appreciate if you have been hurt before and your confidence isn't as high it would be very difficult. We are all different and it is pointless anyone telling you to 'forget' it and ignore. If she eats away at your self esteem or brings doubts to your relationship - he needs to edge her out! (backtracking on my previous advice I know).

Lots of assumptions here that this woman is after "her" man. She's single so she's dangerous to the OP's relationship -?!? I'm not saying it isn't so, because I've seen a friend hurt badly that way, but don't tar all singles with that same brush, please (said as a single).

I think this woman has her nose put out - she's young(er) and flirty and chatty, and yet your guy would rather be with you. That's important to remember. Yeah, she's irritating but I like others find her a bit of a sad case. 40 with no partner and no children .. She's trying to find her spot in your mans life now you've come along (doesn't need to be in a romantic way). She'd have done better to make a friend of you and not lose him, but then perhaps you would be better advised to try not to make your guy chose between you and her - he's already stated it's you he plans to be with. If you talk to him and say you feel uncomfortable with some of the things she says, maybe set up a signal if she does it again - tap your nose so he can be aware of it "in the moment" or something rather than fester on it in the evening and bring it up on the journey home.

It's not a you or her choice for your guy unless you make it one.

Charlie2468
If you can see your posts on a thread, then so can we. If not, contact HQ.

I have a single friend who is like this - she has (she maintains) absolutely no interest in a relationship with the men she flirts with so I don't really know why she does it, but it is how she has always behaved, even when in a happy relationship herself. And, like your DP's 'friend' she seems to do it all the more if the man has a partner. I do sometimes wonder if it is a dominance thing, she has to be the centre of everyone's attention.

When DH and I were first together he had a ‘friend’ like this. He knew her from a course they were both doing. She was married and when we got engaged invited us to dinner. It was excruciating. They’d recently been on a weekend away for the course and she mentioned “in our room”, making it sound as though she and DH has shared a room. Although I was seething inside I merely raised my eyebrows and she gave a stupid laugh and said “Oh I meant mine and Lucy’s room”. her poor husband was looking distraught. My DH was of course quite oblivious. When we left we talked about it and at first he insisted she was just a good friend, but later admitted that on the weekend away she’d asked him to sleep with her! He said he refused, and I really don’t think he’d have taken me to meet her if he had done. Luckily we got married not long after and he moved to my area, which is quite far from her. After a week she wrote him a 7 page letter about how much ‘they all’ missed him, but he didn’t reply. A few weeks later she sent a postcard saying she was really worried as she hadn’t heard from him. It accidentally found its way into the bin. I think she must’ve eventually got the message but I do sometimes wonder what happened to her marriage. There are some really strange women around.

The main reason we don’t live together is logistics. I live very close to my work where I often do 12 hour shifts.
He lives more remotely. We both love where he lives and if/when we bought somewhere together it will definitely be nearer to where he is.
I don’t think we have to live together to be committed though.

Sorry I can’t reply to individual posts but I am on my phone, so it’s awkward to scroll back. But in answer to the suggestion that he may have once fancied her, that really doesn’t appear to have been the case.
Whilst I know DP enjoys her company he has never been flirty or inappropriate or giving me any indication that he has ever been interested in her romantically.

I wish I could just relax, happy I’m the knowledge that he chose me, but I just get so irritated by her !!

Well I think she’s trouble with a capital T. But the thing here is your partner wants to live with you, he’s not interested in her is he, only as a friend as they share same interests, your partner sounds like a decent man, I would see her as a silly woman albeit she would get my heckles up, I think she’s trying to get some sort of point across possibly trying to wind you up, see her for what she is, keep her at arms length but watch her, and move in with your partner and have a happy life good luck

Be careful Flaxseed, a friend of mines husband had a female sporting partner, my friend recently found out that they had been having a full blown affair for twenty five years. He has now passed away and the partner has a share of his will. Get rid of her and move in with your man friend as soon as possible would be my advice.

I agree with other comments. She sounds single person so be careful. DP sounds nice. Getting close to his children, who are younger than her is a bit intrusive. Not sure how to cut the clinging vine. Move in if you think this would help, but your relationship sounds sound. You might need to attend more of the sporting events...

Bradford Lass72 is spot on. He’s not interested in her. And I wouldn’t mind betting she may not be interested in him in that way but is an attention seeker rather than anything else. Why hasn’t she got someone of her own I wonder. There has to be a reason. It’s irritating but you have nothing to worry about. Some people just have to be the centre of attention. There are 2 people in my family like that so I know how annoying they can be. Try to appear indifferent and when she realises she isn’t getting the response she wants she’ll probably stop. I bet she’ll be off the scene before long.

I totally understand why you feel the way I do. However, I can also understand DP's point of view. She obviously enjoys the time the group spend together and is worried that the dynamics will change now you are part of the group, albeit a part-time one as you don't share their passion for the sport. And because you don't share that interest she naturally feels that your DP will gradually ease away from their small group. It might, perhaps, be awkward if it just her and the friend (who I've assumed is a male).
Having said that, her behaviour is still inappropriate and designed to cause the split rather than save it. I do think this is a tricky situation and that you're just going to have to leave it to your DP to make any necessary decisions.

She reminds me very much of my (not) DDiL. Blokes unaware, manipulative, etc, etc. Paste on the grin and avoid as much as poss.

Back to the OP problem with DP’s friend. A couple of things: She possibly felt that your DP was a secure friend for life and some women like having courtiers,as it were. It happened to me when I first coupled with a man who had a few ‘female friends’ in a group he was in, the description you give us very familiar. You are an outsider and they want you out. It’s horrid.
Second, six years and you are still waiting for him to make a commitment to live with you? Mmmm. Is this his decision? Bit presumptuous.
Thirdly the other woman is twenty years younger you say... Is she younger than you? (She’s not in her 80’s greengran, oh if only, she would be fun)
So well done so far. I think you might seriously think of finding some hobbies and friends of your own as I fear you might be being taken for granted. I think she’s playing with you and he’s allowing it because his ego is flattered by her attention. You’re having to perform and act and that is not good for your soul.
He may have once fancied her and made a pass and was rejected ...and she feels he is still hers. You need more strings to your bow. And perhaps dare to say ‘ I’m not sure where this relationship is going...

This is the best answer in my mind.
You will end up being a post in the near future..
“ I didn’t see him leaving me for another woman”
You can see it, the writing is on he wall. The call to him and not to you was the clue.
You know it, hence this fairly detailed post. ?
Good luck

Flaxseed, you are absolutely right to dislike and distrust this woman.
You are also absolutely right in the way you are handling the situation.
Two things: if you feel ready to move in with your partner, do it sooner rather than later;
if you can possibly go on these sporting weekends, do.
She may not be impressing your partner, but she certainly is attempting to upset you.

I have one of these to deal with a dysfunctional attention seeking demanding childlike personality
It was like reading my own story
I dilike her and she offended me so i decided to deal with it by telling her what i thought of her and advised her to see a psychologist
By refusing to be involved i shocked everyone
I do not take any notice of my partners interaction with her and stated
I chose to no longer have anything to do with her
Its very empowering and the sun still rises every day
When controlling toxic people realise they have no power over you they leave you alone

She is around 40, my partner is 62
His eldest child is 25

Charlie2468, it's hard to tell if you are a wether or a ram! Or maybe a sham?

Hi.
I have posted so many times but never get a response so not sure if anyone can read my posts?
Can someone confirm wether or not they can?

A similar thing happened to me many years ago when DH and I first got engaged. There was a girl who had known him and his family since they were children, in fact her sister was going out with his brother. When a group of us were on an evening out she followed me into the ladies and told me she was going to take him from me! I told her she should try, because if she could I would rather know then than after we were married.

When we returned to the group she suddenly sat on future DH's lap saying how tired she was - he looked horrified and immediately stood up - landing her on the floor! I later told DH what she had said. We would still see her on group evenings out but there was never any repeat of her actions

Your DP has made it clear he has no interest in her so I would ignore her antics which are designed to try to cause problems between you and DP. You could try laughing about it with him and tease him about his "admirer" Make a joke of it.

Some other people commented as I wrote that last message.
Thank you.
You are all so wise and have reassured me