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AIBU

Holiday Photos

(48 Posts)
Daffydilly Sun 24-Nov-19 14:03:18

We're just back from a three week cruise holiday, with family and friends.

My step daughter's mother has put our official cruise photos (family and OUR fronds (who she's never met) all over HER Facebook page, with lots of admiring connects and likes.

What's annoying me is that I paid for the photos, giving my stepdaughter access for her own use. She's clearly let her mother have the photos.

AIBU to be very angry? My husband and I have ended up paying for my stepdaughter and her little girl to come on the cruise as she manages her money badly and called us in tears after we booked saying she couldn't afford it. In total it's cost at least £5000 more than we budgeted and this feels like the final straw.

Her mum has always been difficult and I world appreciate your feedback before I take action (or not).

Daisymae Sun 24-Nov-19 14:42:12

So your step daughter and granddaughter have been on holiday with you and she has shared photos with her mother? If that's correct I really can't see a problem. It does sound as though you resented paying for the cruise? I would let this go, there's no harm done just be grateful for the time you spent together.

tanith Sun 24-Nov-19 14:43:19

What action could you take? Those photos are ‘out there’ now forever.
What outcome do you even want?

Bibbity Sun 24-Nov-19 15:10:31

Is it pictures of just the Stepdaughter and her child?

ninathenana Sun 24-Nov-19 15:18:56

Bibbity OP states there were family friends in the photos that step daughter's mother has shared on line. I would not be happy if I was them.
There are no photos of me online.

BlueBelle Sun 24-Nov-19 15:28:53

I don’t see a problem either if someone puts a picture on fb and I m in the photo as long as I m not picking my nose or something what’s to worry about
You gave the photos or copies to your step daughter, if she choose to let her mum do what she sees fit with them I cant see what you can do or want to do You can’t take the images back so I d just get over it it’s done and you will only make unnecessary family trouble if you bring it up
You sound annoyed that you paid for these photos and her mum got the nice comments and praises on fb I was always taught once you give something away you have no control over what the recipient does with it
Is is worth causing a family heave ho because you have got annoyed Sleep on it it’s really nothing to get uptight about what’s done is done

Liz46 Sun 24-Nov-19 15:34:24

I think it would be wiser to say nothing.

Septimia Sun 24-Nov-19 15:45:05

I'd be annoyed. I don't know that I'd say anything, but I wouldn't be sharing photos with her again, except perhaps ones of her and GC.

Why do people have to put everything on Facebook anyway?

Baggs Sun 24-Nov-19 15:46:56

I don't get the "I paid for the photos" bit if they are digital.

Daffydilly Sun 24-Nov-19 16:11:58

Thank you to everyone for your advice.

Baggs the photos were taken onboard by the cruiseline photographer and we received a disc with the photos on.

I've not done or said anything yet, and probably won't. I think I'll just be a bit more wary in future.

I think, if I'm honest, that I'm annoyed about other things related to the holiday and the photo issue was the final straw.

I'll get over it. 😕😏

Hetty58 Sun 24-Nov-19 16:20:35

YABU and I think you'll have to forget it. Legally, you have no claim to something you have given away. Therefore, you cannot take action.

Urmstongran Sun 24-Nov-19 16:24:32

Take a deep breath and let it go. I imagine the photos were the straw on the camel’s back. Other tensions have wound you up.

Blended families and money issues must be difficult sometimes.

Let it pass. Be the bigger person.

wildswan16 Sun 24-Nov-19 16:54:34

I might mention to her that it wasn't a good idea to put photos up without everyone's permission (i.e. your friends), but I wouldn't make a big deal out of it.

I don't see that it has anything to do with who paid for the trip.

sodapop Sun 24-Nov-19 17:15:24

I agree with Urmstongran be the bigger person this time. Maybe don't share things so much if family are using FB. I don't understand this need to put everything on social media either.

Auntieflo Sun 24-Nov-19 17:43:34

There must be something seriously wrong with me, after reading these responses.

If it were me, I would be furious.
I don't subscribe to FaceBook, but DH does, and a while ago, he put a photo of me on there. I was angry. He didn't understand why, but he did remove it.
I understand that you can be very careful about how and who you share things with, but I don't know how.
Maybe Daffydilly, you could strengthen your privacy settings?

Nortsat46 Mon 25-Nov-19 07:38:49

My advice would be to let it go ...

Your step daughter is very fortunate that you and your DH were willing and able to fund her and her child’s holiday.

A 3 week cruise with family and friends sounds wonderful (even if there were other issues). I would suggest focusing on and enjoying the good memories. 💐

Moocow Mon 25-Nov-19 08:21:42

Sadly I understand how you feel. However, I think you have to put it down to a lesson learnt and say nothing, just be very cautious from now on. Focus on the happy parts of your holiday.

Sara65 Mon 25-Nov-19 08:49:02

I wouldn’t like it, I don’t have Facebook and I won’t let my children put photos of me on their Facebook accounts.

But as you’ve given them to her, I can’t see you can do much about it.

harrigran Mon 25-Nov-19 08:53:33

I wouldn't worry about it, most friends of friends would not give two hoots about someone else's cruise photos and would quickly scroll past.

jenpax Mon 25-Nov-19 11:18:21

Sounds as if you resented paying for their holiday and if so I would be careful not to offer again as this will only lead to tensions and family rifts!

Bbbface Mon 25-Nov-19 11:21:13

You need a holiday OP - you sound very tightly wound up!

You did something really nice for your stepdaughter (I suspect you frequently reminded her of that fact throughout the holiday grin) and now you’re going to spoil it by kicking off!

“Take action”?! Why not just have a chat.

grandtanteJE65 Mon 25-Nov-19 11:23:18

I do understand how you feel about photos being posted on facebook without as much as by your leave, but this is a battle you just cannot win.

Those who use and like Facebook just do not understand why the rest of us have reservations about it.

You are sadly likely to cause a family feud if you say anything about this to your stepdaughter.

I too suspect that the real issue is your stepdaughter's lack of money management and the fact that she managed to talk you into paying her expenses.

Only you can decide whether you will continue to make her such expensive presents or not. I wouldn't do so, but wait a while then tell her kindly that another time you won't be able to help her due to rising costs that you are facing.

ReadyMeals Mon 25-Nov-19 11:46:33

I can see both sides, but you should bear in mind that this behaviour is seen as normal these days so they could label you unreasonable if you made a thing of it.

JaneJudge Mon 25-Nov-19 12:10:20

I think letting the Mother have the photos of maybe her daughter and her grandchild fine but I do understand your discomfort of your partners ex having the photos of all of you and putting them all over her Facebook really odd, so I understand your discomfort! It's an odd thing to do!

I think the payment of the holiday is a separate factor tbh.

JaneJudge Mon 25-Nov-19 12:11:31

I really should have proof read that post grinas you can see I find it odd and it would make feel.uncomfortable blush