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Holiday Photos

(49 Posts)
Daffydilly Sun 24-Nov-19 14:03:18

We're just back from a three week cruise holiday, with family and friends.

My step daughter's mother has put our official cruise photos (family and OUR fronds (who she's never met) all over HER Facebook page, with lots of admiring connects and likes.

What's annoying me is that I paid for the photos, giving my stepdaughter access for her own use. She's clearly let her mother have the photos.

AIBU to be very angry? My husband and I have ended up paying for my stepdaughter and her little girl to come on the cruise as she manages her money badly and called us in tears after we booked saying she couldn't afford it. In total it's cost at least £5000 more than we budgeted and this feels like the final straw.

Her mum has always been difficult and I world appreciate your feedback before I take action (or not).

Tigertooth Mon 25-Nov-19 12:16:41

Id be furious - I have no photos of me or my kids online and I do not expect others to post them online either!
Esp as she didn’t know some of these people - I would contact the mother and tell her that you are not happy with this in-line presence and could she just stick to photos her daughter and grandchild if they are consenting but not the rest of you!

Davidhs Mon 25-Nov-19 12:17:18

You must let this go unless you want to cause a real rift in the family, you were very generous inviting them to join you but that kind of generosity often back fires. Many years ago I did something similar and got accused of patronizing by son in law, it got smoothed over quickly though.
As for Facebook forget about it, unless the image shows you in a particularly unpleasant way.

HurdyGurdy Mon 25-Nov-19 12:48:00

A timely reminder of the information that we give to young people (usually around sharing intimate images) but which applies to everyone - the instant you share an image, you have lost control of it.

I could understand your friends being upset that their images were shared, as I don't suppose they gave their consent to it. But unless they were named on the post, or tagged in the photo, no one is likely to know who they are.

You, on the other hand, shared the images willingly, and can't now control who sees them.

If they had been physical photographs in an album that were shown, would you have the same anger?

I think this is just one you have to chalk up to experience, and in future, keep your photographs to yourself, to ensure their viewing audience can be strictly controlled.

Jaye53 Mon 25-Nov-19 12:48:08

Tricky this.but I wont put personal pics on Facebook ever!

nanasam Mon 25-Nov-19 12:55:23

If your Stepdaughter is that bad at managing money, how did you ever think she'd pay for herself and daughter on the cruise?

Goingtobeagranny Mon 25-Nov-19 13:14:41

‘Step daughter and her little girl’ that speaks volumes to me, you don’t see her as family and it pisses you off.

Newatthis Mon 25-Nov-19 14:02:54

I would be very annoyed but what's done is done. However, I would have a word with your stepdaughter (in the most diplomatic way you can) and let her know how you feel so as to stop it happening again. Did you discuss the extra costs incurred before you went away and why didn't her mother make a contribution. I'm afraid if agreed to it (extra costs and all, there is nowt you can do)

Tedber Mon 25-Nov-19 14:38:14

Another vote to let it go here. I doubt it was done maliciously.

But why newatthis do you think an adult child's mother should make a contribution? Surely that is up to the adult in question to make her own mind up and the people she has agreed to go with? In this case, her father (nothing to do with the mother).

eazybee Mon 25-Nov-19 15:04:46

Are 'my stepdaughter and her little girl' your husband's daughter and granddaughter, and is 'her mother' his ex-wife?

Susiewakie Mon 25-Nov-19 15:31:29

Hi Just make sure you don't pay for her and her daughter to come on holiday with you again .She's a adult let her fund her own or go with her mother

Milorni3 Mon 25-Nov-19 15:33:26

If you check your privacy settings I am sure you can set it that you can share your photos with your family and friends but block them from sharing to others. Might be worth a try retrospectively as that might make them "private" again. I know it's a bit late now but it might work and it will stop the situation arising again. Hope that helps.

Bugbabe2019 Mon 25-Nov-19 17:59:24

Step daughter and little girl? Speaks volumes. As others have said, it doesn’t look like you see her as family which is a shame

Once you have her the photos they were hers to do what she wished. If you didn’t specifically tell her not to put them online then you have to let it go.

It’s not a big deal really. I’m guessing there’s other issues that need to be addressed

ReadyMeals Mon 25-Nov-19 19:56:32

Milorni, you can't. Anyone who can see a photo can get around that by saving to their own PC or device then uploading to their own Facebook space

Notthatoldyet9 Mon 25-Nov-19 20:23:59

Yabu because its your partners ex wife

123kitty Mon 25-Nov-19 21:52:24

Nothing you can do about the photo situation- so don't waste your energy being upset (I know, easier said than done).

Eloethan Mon 25-Nov-19 22:38:05

I think it would have been polite to ask if it was OK to post the photos - some people in the photos may not have been happy about it. Then, if it was really something you didn't want, you could have used that reasoning to explain why you would prefer them not to be put on Facebook. Personally, I don't understand why people want to put their lives on line. Generally, it seems to be only the good bits that are on display, so I think it is a bit show-offish.

As they've already been posted, I can't see that there's much point in raising the issue now because it might cause problems in the family. I expect you will bear it in mind for the future though.

onlyruth Mon 25-Nov-19 22:49:18

I paid for the photos, giving my stepdaughter access for her own use. She's clearly let her mother have the photos.

So what did you expect her own use to be? I'd have thought it'd be fairly obvious that she'd show them to her mother. And her mother wouldn't have a clue who paid for them.

Unless you said to your step daughter that the photos were simply for her to look at without anyone else seeing them (which would be weird) I don't see what she's done wrong.

And putting photos on FB is what people do. Maybe her mum should have asked if it was okay, but it's not the crime of the century. She probably simply thought they were her daughter's photos.

CanadianGran Mon 25-Nov-19 23:19:12

I'm pretty careful about putting photos on FB, but other people's lives are open books.

It's too late now, but I would have a word with her regarding asking permission before posting.

Hithere Tue 26-Nov-19 02:18:14

I agree with grandtanteJE65

Nansnet Tue 26-Nov-19 02:43:07

Daffydilly, you said ...
'My step daughter's mother has put our official cruise photos (family and OUR fronds (who she's never met) all over HER Facebook page, with lots of admiring connects and likes.'

Are you quite sure that your step-daughter GAVE her mother the photo disc and and her mother actually put the photos onto her own facebook herself, or did your step-daughter put them onto her own facebook and then simply tag her mother into them, so that she, and other family members/friends, could view the photos of her daughter & grand daughter, on what was probably a wonderful holiday? By doing this, the photos would then appear on her mother's facebook, and her mother's friends/family would then be able to see them and comment/like them ...?

I'd be very wary of making a fuss about this. At the end of the day, this is your husband's daughter & grand daughter ... it's really not worth causing a family rift over. Just be more careful/specific next time your in a similar position.

TrendyNannie6 Tue 26-Nov-19 09:36:01

Well I wouldn’t be happy having my pic put on Facebook but this is what so many ppl do, put on just to show she had a nice holiday, doubt very much it was done to cause upset to anyone, not a lot you can do, just move on

Missfoodlove Tue 26-Nov-19 10:02:05

It is very wrong to post photos of someone else on social media without their permission.
I would be furious.

Tedber Tue 26-Nov-19 11:29:47

mmmm Missfoodlove , bit of a knee jerk reaction me thinks! Have you ever taken family snaps and caught strangers in same snap. Did you ask for their permission to take the photos or show them to family and friends?

It isn't all that different really. Strangers won't know who the heck they are anyway, unless people are 'tagged in' their name won't appear and if they ARE tagged in it means they are on Facebook themselves! It will appear on their timeline and they can delete if if they choose to. Unlikely the daughter will type out all the names of the people in the 'comments' but even then they will be overlooked by people who don't know them.

I agree with others this has nothing really to do with the photos......