Christmas nightmare

You broke your back not very long ago, you're on morphine and he wants you to go to a charity bash at a posh hotel and by the sound of it won't take no for an answer?

What a selfish so and so he is. Let him go without you, stay home and treat yourself to a takeaway, a bottle of something nice and something you want to watch on the telly.

Make sure he pulls his weight over Christmas as well.

Only you know what your limits are, and if you feel that event will be too much for you then just don't go! Suggest someone takes your place but stay firm. Your health and peace of mind come first.

If your husband tries couldn't he re sale the tickets, then you don't have to worry about the expense?

Bbarb ….He doesn't get it does he?

I'm so sorry you're going through such a bad time.

Please think of yourself. Its not being selfish to consider all the difficulties you are under.

Is there anything you could or would like to do socially?

If there is, tell him you'd rather do such and such because it's more to your liking and your body can cope with it.

If there is nobody you want to see and nothing you want to do, then don't.

Please don't push yourself. Your health and recovery comes first.
If you came to harm (slipping, sitting badly, just about anything) whilst going out just because he wants to, you would never forgive yourself for putting yourself in harms way.

He clearly doesn't understand the ramifications of what has happened to you, therefore IMV its reckless of him to make decisions on your behalf.

I wouldn't ever invite people my husband didn't like out, nor would I expect him to do anything he didn't feel capable of.

Show your husband this thread.

Good luck

You say that your doctor has 'just' offered anti-depressants but that might because he thinks it is the best treatment for you. You don't have to take them for long but I would give them a try. They are not like the old valiuma and lithium that people used to take and they can help you get through a difficult time.
So far as the party is concerned, I have been in the position of being pushed into a social even when I wasn't up to it and it was awful. I was also dealing with people with no empathy. I wish that I had been firmer but unfortunately it is when you don't have the strength to do that that people can be most pushy.
It is difficult when it is someone you are living with and who should be understanding.
It is hard to get people to take back pain seriously but you did actually break it so it is not as if he isn't aware.
I would try the anti-depressants for a week and tell him that you are taking them but that you don't know if you are going to be able to go to the party, then in a week's time, (or however long you have) make the decision and tell him. I doubt he would be any happier if you went but had to leave early.
I think it is one of those situations which doesn't really have a right answer as you know that he will be put out if you don't go but you will be over-stressed and unhappy if you do. All I can say is that I wish I had stood up for myself but I can understand if you can't. Would it just be the one night that you would have to get through or is there going to be more difficulties to get through with Christmas? Health is something to be protected so take that seriously.

He most certainly is not kind. He sighs and walks out of the room when poor Bbarb tries to talk to him about how much pain she is in.

I think you need to make him listen. The evening sounds a nightmare to me and it’s totally unreasonable for him to not consider your situation.

Back pain is in my mind one of the worse pain ou can have. You can't sit for long, you can't really lift or stand.

Please be kind to yourself you are still recovering and really need to just rest and take it easy. Let your husband know exactly how you feel and maybe see if someone else would like the tickets. However much your husband is looking forward to it he
I think our husband doesn't realise how bad you feel as he has seen you cope with the preparations for Christmas. Tell him and take it easy. Hugs.

I don’t think he’s “being kind” at all, I think he’s being appallingly selfish. He doesn’t listen to her when Bbarb tries to tell him how she feels and walks out of the room,

I don’t know what to suggest Bbarb but I feel for you.

I should go. He's being kind. Take the medication and get him to go with you to buy a new outfit. It won't be as bad as you think and it might just cheer you up.

You say "OH". Not DH.

The answer is clear.

What would he say if you suggested he ask a relative or friend along in your place? He obviously has no idea of what you are going through because you do not have visible illness/trama so cannot understand what you are going through. You have managed to do a lot of preparation for Christmas so he probably thinks you can carry on as usual if you want to. You have my sympathies Bbarb.

I think it would help if you decide what you are going to do, either accept you are going and try to borrow/buy an outfit or have a conversation with your husband saying that you are not going . Thinking about it for days is going to make you upset and angry.

Sorry about your pain, I do hope you get some relief soon.

I just wanted to tell you, you don't have to go. Doesn't matter if it was expensive or if its for charity, you can choose to put yourself first and say no

Certain anti depressants act as pain relief, helping the muscles to relax. They may not completely relieve the pain but can help enough to make the pain tolerable as opposed to how you feel just now. It sounds bad enough to give them a try. You don’t have to take them forever. Have you been offered a TENS machine? Very helpful, but must be set up properly. A combination of things that all help a little may take you into the tolerable zone. Also the cold, damp weather will not be helping. As you are healing, you are also doing more. I hope you find a solution. Good luck.

You say it’s trivial but it sounds to me that it’s the straw that broke the camels back.
I have no solution but send?