AIBU to be so up and down?

You will bloody outlive the lot.
Someone I know of, was 'given weeks' and is here 10 years on.
Fight the fight EllaKeat

EllaKeat I am so sorry you have had this news though as others have said, do not give up hope. You sound a very remarkable person I hope you continue to feel well.

and

That's the attitude!!

You WILL be a part of their story. Your kids and grandkids love you! I lost my mother in 2006. I was 21. She had cancer as well.. stage 4 when they caught it from HPV in her cervix. It spread to bladder and colon. I was so grateful when she passed because she was suffering. But oh how I love and miss her every single day. She was 42 years old. I am now 34 with a 4 monty old and her middle name is my mother's first name! She has grey blue eyes like my mother, which is a feat because I'm half black and my husband is italian...neither of us have blue eyes. We've got brown eyes! I look at my daughter every day and think of my mom.

My point is: you will be remembered and you are dearly loved.

Take ALL the time now to set your affairs in order and make your wishes known and spend time, time, lovely unrestrained time in relaxed company with loved ones.

My mother was a great mother. And now, so am I because I had her. One thing I wish is that she had written me a letter of some sort. Just expressing love to me and gentle, reassuring words. I have her memories, but I wish i had something written by her.

Oh, my goodness, you are one special lady. I'd like to think I wouldn't go to pieces, but feel quite sure I would. It makes all my problems seem so insignificant. I am full of admiration for your fighting spirit, and hope it burns undimmed for a long time to come. Hugs. X

Dear EllaKeat of course you are up and down, anybody would feel the same.
Who of us knows what this time next year will bring?
Little did I know when I suggested we have DD’s in- laws with us 4 years ago to share their/ our grandson’s first Christmas, because DD’s MIL has Alzheimer’s and I wanted to create happy memories for their family while she could enjoy it. Well as it turned out it was my darling Paw’s last Christmas , but with insight a very happy one.
The line I have chosen for his stone in our village churchyard says what I feel
“To live in the hearts of those we leave behind, is not to die”
I hope you can enjoy the present to the full, live for every moment and enjoy the love of your family

I’m so sorry

Hindsight -not “insight”

My granny died when I was 11. I'm 54 now. She was the person who loved me most in the world. I have very clear memories of her still. You will not be forgotten!

??

Ella you are a phenomenal woman. 80% feeling normal and only 20% in pieces? Incredible! It must be the power of the donkeys. They are wonderful. I know how our pony kept me sane for a while. There’s something about an equine!

Carry on as you're doing Ella as it'll help enormously. It's the positivity that's healing for the body and having an outside interest has a marked effect on general health too.

You're a very plucky lady to be faced with such a challenge and as long as you can keep a positive attitude ( difficult at times ) with 80% normality you'll be surprised how much longer you'll keep going.

I wish you the very best along your journey with not too many 20%'s and don't be looking too far into the future-----not a lot of us can really if the truth be known just keep living for the day.x

EllaKeat. I guess your life has been full of animal friends and you will meet them all again soon. This whimsical idea is one way I console myself. Best wishes to you Ella.

Ellakeat

I have no words. But I send you my love, and xxx

Ella, all I can offer are memories of a dear friend who like you had a brain tumour. Her last six months were happy, fun -filled, positive; she held a Pimms party for all her friends and colleagues from work, about thirty in all; she went to parties, concerts, the theatre and created so many happy memories for us all. She displayed courage, dignity and grace which we all remember; you have the same qualities.

You will be part of your children and grandchildren's lives; they won't forget you but will remember you with love and admiration throughout their lives, as I remember my grandparents and parents and my children remember their grandparents.

Your courage will see you through, but share your fears, as you are doing; people will support you.

OMG, I can't find the words to tell you how sorry I am to hear your story. I hope and pray that some miracle will happen.
But, if not, then I hope you find peace.

Of course you need to let it out and that's what we are here for. I'm sure all us GN's are proud of what you are doing, it's very difficult for you. Be proud, you sound a wonderful positive person and I'm sure your family know this already and you will always be part of their lives. Sending hugs and best wishes, we are all here for you

EllaKeat sending you a ((( hug )))

I hope you keep your enthusiasm and energy going as long as you can,you are truly an inspiration to everyone.

What an amazing post EllaKeat you sounds like the kind of person I would have liked to have known and called friend. You have had so much sheer bad luck and yet you faced pain and illness time and time again and won through, until now.

And through all that you have helped with Donkey Days.

What can I say? The world needs more like you and sadly that is not to be. My heart breaks for you and I wish I could reach out and give you a huge, warm hug. ?

XXX ???

You are an amazing woman

I think you sound the most amazing woman, and whatever happens I doubt your family will ever think otherwise.

I have read your post twice today and it has made me feel both very sad and in awe of you.My mum died at 74 having had rheumatoid arthritis from being 30, she worked until she was 60 and I saw her in great pain every morning until her tablets made the pain more bearable,she never complained but just got on with it,in the last 3 years of her life she was in terrible pain in her hands, feet, spine and neck she had no life to speak of and told me that "I think I am ready for my box" she was very practical and brave ..She died eight months later after a fall which I know she engineered.I miss her every day as does my daughter who was 9 at the time .Your post reminded me of my mum ,she could have written it.You will always be remembered and loved.I hope you remain free from pain for a long time and remain upbeat I think you are amazing.

I just wanted to check in and say thank you all for your wonderful posts?

Since I was last here I have been working to get my affairs in order, which feels bizarre because I dont feel ill?

On the bright side, I have also booked a five bedroomed lodge for a family holiday, so something to look forward to, and DH and I are jetting off in two weeks for some winter sun.

Its funny, but it is the small things that really get to you. My passport runs out next November. I will never need another one. Bloody ouch!

My biggest job is to get this house sold and Dh settled into a smaller place closer to friends. I know he would manage (just) if events overtake us, but it gives me a project to work on as much as anything else!

It is my birthday on 31st, I will be 59, my wonderful grandaughter who is 5 years old is making me a Mermaid Cake. Lets just hope it us edible?

I have had a lovely Christmas, hope everyone else has too, and all the best for 2020?