Gransnet forums

AIBU

Outdoor shoes inside

(379 Posts)
Pudding123 Thu 26-Dec-19 13:37:27

AIBU My sister and BiL live 80 miles away but come to me about 3 times a year ,they dislike my husband with good reason and as I don't drive the train journey is now not an option for me ( last time I did it it took 6 hours including 2 buses and changing trains)They see 3 different relatives in the one day.Anyway when they come they are both 70 but as for as fiddles and I am always glad to see them but they refuse to take their shoes off and I have cream carpets.They say" we are not taking our shoes off we will sit in the kitchen" but my kitchen is colder than the rest of the house and we can't all sit round the table.I said " no come in the lounge it's more comfortable/festive" to which there was a lot of h huffing and puffing my sister took her ankle boots off but my B i l point blank refused .What do you think?I asked them what they did when they had just visited Bils very houseproud daughter they said we say in the kitchen...

grannyactivist Thu 26-Dec-19 18:09:01

I don’t have a rule and so I have wooden floors in the hall and dining room that have been completely ruined by women’s shoes with pointy heels! I have a lot of foreign guests and almost without exception they spontaneously take off their shoes as they enter the house - and when we’re visiting we do the same. I keep a basket for discarded shoes and have one with washable slippers in it, but quite a number of our visitors bring their own slippers.

I think it’s perfectly reasonable to ask visitors to remove outdoor shoes - but I’ve only done so when there were crawling babies about.

BlueSky Thu 26-Dec-19 18:16:19

I've always removed my outdoor shoes even at home with my parents we have always done that. So to me is second nature it just makes sense not to bring dirt and germs indoors, apart from being so comfy. Still I wouldn't dream of asking anybody to remove their shoes, they often take them off anyway, of course when they don't I cringe and hoover as soon as they've gone. When I visit I always take mine off.

Millie22 Thu 26-Dec-19 18:24:34

This is one of my pet hates especially when tradespeople come round in huge boots.

M0nica Thu 26-Dec-19 18:32:52

Never bothers me, I wear house shoes for comfort and because whenever I sit down I tend to slip my feet out of my shoes (used to do this at work, which sometimes caused problems). But I also sometimes wander up the garden in them or take the bins out in them.

As far as other people go, in my house I am not bothered they can do what they choose and if visiting others I follow their rules.

Doodledog Thu 26-Dec-19 18:39:23

I would take my shoes off if asked, but I still think it's rude to ask people to do it.

Cabbie21 Thu 26-Dec-19 19:30:32

On the one hand I would not expect visitors to take their shoes off, and on the other I would respect the rules of a house I am visiting.
DH has difficulty getting shoes on and off. He needs to use a shoe horn. Also he’s diabetic and has been advised to always wear shoes, as feet can easily be damaged and cause problems, so he is very reluctant to take his shoes off.
My children have houses where it is expected, so I make sure he has slippers with him, or my daughter can supply overshoes if required.
It should be possible to reach a compromise,

GrannySomerset Thu 26-Dec-19 19:42:54

It does feel as if carpets are more important than people. It takes several minutes for DH to get his shoes on and off and he needs a chair to sit on so we tend not to visit where the carpets come first.

sodapop Thu 26-Dec-19 19:49:30

We had visitors last week and one of them insisted on removing his shoes even though I said it was unnecessary as we have hard floors. Unfortunately we also have an older JR with bladder problems, we had to give our friend a new pair of socks !!!
I understand people not wanting dirt trampled into their carpets but think they should provide shoe covers.

BradfordLass72 Thu 26-Dec-19 19:57:35

It's fairly common here, I'd say over 98% of the time for everyone to remove shoes at the door when visiting.
They don't even need to be asked, it's regarded as good manners and in some families, culturally important.

Only one person is exempt at my house, a lady for whom bending and taking off shoes (and replacing them) would be very difficult due to her disability.

Even workmen remove footwear - and expect to do so.

When you think of the assorted detritus one sees on the street (and even if poo is removed, it leaves a residue) it is unconscionable that anyone would flout good manners and their host's hospitality, by refusing to remove footwear.

And even more essential if you ever have small children playing on the carpet.

It's not a strictly NZ thing either. In Bradford, when I was growing up, my Dad always removed his footwear at the door.
We all had slippers lined up beside the doormat. I had some very sweet tartan zip-ups smile

bingo12 Thu 26-Dec-19 19:57:41

In many parts of the world it is considered completely unacceptable to keep outdoor shoes on indoors - places that may regard as ''backward'' by some. It is thought shockingly disrespectful to tramp outdoor dirt inside living areas.

BradfordLass72 Thu 26-Dec-19 20:08:53

Just had another thought.

Is it any different from a smoker lighting up in your home when you've asked them not to?

Audun Thu 26-Dec-19 20:10:46

I’m used to visiting family in Scandinavia and Germany who take off outdoor shoes, and as children we changed into indoor shoes. We live on a farm, and never wear outdoor shoes or boots inside, and although we never ask, we find most people do the same. We don’t have carpets, we have sanded floors. Streets, and also farmyards can be filthy,and I don’t like the thought of dirty shoes, we often have family babies visiting who crawl!

Hetty58 Thu 26-Dec-19 20:11:50

We never wear outdoor shoes indoors in my family. My lodger has gout and arthritis, though, so finds changing shoes quite painful. I've given up nagging and just bought the toolstation disposable overshoes for about £3!

Urmstongran Thu 26-Dec-19 20:12:00

We all had slippers lined up beside the doormat. I had some very sweet tartan zip-ups totally cute BradfordLass

But in the early 60’s, although we as a family all put our slippers on when staying in (as opposed to my little sister and I running in to the kitchen to get a big cupful of ‘corporation pop’ from the tap and running back out again to play) all visitors kept their shoes on.

Times were indeed different back then.

Linoleum around the edges of a room, totally in our playroom, then came patterned carpets that didn’t ‘show the dirt’.
?

We survived! I wonder if all this sterile environment nowadays has helped enable so many childhood allergies?

Atqui Thu 26-Dec-19 20:30:55

I think it’s a question of context. If people were coming for a party ( not likely in our house) or for dinner , I would not expect them to take off their shoes, but if they were staying here and I knew them well , I would prefer them not to wear outside shoes indoors - especially in the bathroom and bedroom . ( Think filthy pavements etc).

notanan2 Thu 26-Dec-19 20:38:59

Diabetics are not supposed to take their shoes off!

I dont mind too much if people dont, although being a household that doesnt wear shoes indoor, seeing our shoes in the hall usually prompts visitors to do so also.

EllaKeat Thu 26-Dec-19 20:45:50

I honestly don't care one way or another.
Through sheer preference, the first thing I do in any house is take my shoes off, not through any obligation, but because I hate wearing shoes!
However, in my house with dogs, cats and, In one memorable occasion, a donkey wandering around the house, it seems pretty pointless to ask people to take their shoes off?

Is this a newish thing? I don't remember anyone in my parents home ever removing footwear ?

Xxjanexx Thu 26-Dec-19 20:47:30

I’m very funny about feet...I’m ok if people have socks on but walking where people have bare feet really freak me out!
If I go swimming I have to wear flip flops from the changing room out to the pool and leave them by the side.
It’s just the thought of lots of bare feet walking in the same place...I hate it.
I never ask anyone to take there shoes off...that’s why I have laminate flooring.

SueH49 Thu 26-Dec-19 20:49:32

I hate having to take my shoes off because I wear orthotics and find it difficult to walk even short distances inside without them and also it is very difficult for me to put shoes on and off. It's not just a matter of sipping them on and off.

I also have cream carpet but am not phased by people leaving their shoes on. they are well wiped before coming inside.

HurdyGurdy Thu 26-Dec-19 20:50:49

I offer to take shoes off as soon as I get into someone's porch/hall, regardless of the colour/condition of their carpet.

I think it's incredibly rude of them not to take their shoes off when asked - do you keep a supply of slippers for guests to use? I know some people don't like walking around in socks/stockinged feet

Urmstongran Thu 26-Dec-19 20:53:36

A donkey in the house? That deserves an explanation! I’m curious now.
?

EllaKeat Thu 26-Dec-19 20:54:41

Now see, I always go bare foot. No problem. I spend most of my life in bare feet.
BUT I would gate to be offered slippers. Who has worn them before me? Are they clean? Did the last wearer have a verucca?
Yuck.
No to slippers.
Yes to choice.

Perhaps slipper socks that can be washed?

Alexa Thu 26-Dec-19 20:58:18

Cream carpets!

EllaKeat Thu 26-Dec-19 20:59:25

@Urmstongran I fostered three abandoned donkeys last year.
A net of donated carrots, an unsecured paddock and an open back door. Need I say more?
Fortunately no carpets ?

I volunteer with donkeys now. I'm not daft ?

lemongrove Thu 26-Dec-19 21:08:19

I never ask visitors to take their shoes off ( no cream carpets in public areas to worry about.) Some automatically take them off, some don’t.If I have guests staying for several days I find they bring slippers with them anyway.
A neighbour popping in for a cup of tea is a different matter, and they keep shoes on.
Unless guests are caked in mud ( unlikely unless you live on a farm) they are surely wearing clean shoes/boots anyway.