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AIBU

Outdoor shoes inside

(379 Posts)
Pudding123 Thu 26-Dec-19 13:37:27

AIBU My sister and BiL live 80 miles away but come to me about 3 times a year ,they dislike my husband with good reason and as I don't drive the train journey is now not an option for me ( last time I did it it took 6 hours including 2 buses and changing trains)They see 3 different relatives in the one day.Anyway when they come they are both 70 but as for as fiddles and I am always glad to see them but they refuse to take their shoes off and I have cream carpets.They say" we are not taking our shoes off we will sit in the kitchen" but my kitchen is colder than the rest of the house and we can't all sit round the table.I said " no come in the lounge it's more comfortable/festive" to which there was a lot of h huffing and puffing my sister took her ankle boots off but my B i l point blank refused .What do you think?I asked them what they did when they had just visited Bils very houseproud daughter they said we say in the kitchen...

Kartush Fri 27-Dec-19 10:27:39

I am a little curious. Do you all wear socks when you go visiting or do you carry little slippers in your bags? I only ask because we go bare foot in our house or if we’ve been to town we just come inside in whatever shoes we wore to town. Anyone who comes here can keep there shoes on or come in bare foot I really don’t care. Must be said though I don’t have carpets only a couple of rugs

Rivernana Fri 27-Dec-19 10:28:05

My granddaughter plays on the carpet a lot. I insist on it being clean and hygenic for her to be safe. We have indoor and outdoor shoes. Most of my friends happily and automatically take off their shoes. On occasions that people visit and don't remove their outdoor shoes I give the carpets a good clean after they have left. So no conflict. However if I had cream carpets I would want people to take their shoes off!

jaylucy Fri 27-Dec-19 10:30:41

I have never ever asked anyone to take off their shoes - quite frankly, I'm more bothered about being pleased to see them and making them comfortable than the state of my decor!
Personally I put on slippers when I am indoors, but that is my choice as I feel more comfortable in them.
Maybe you think they are "hale and hearty" but some people do have problems with dexterity, taking off and putting on shoes than is first obvious and some people feel uncomfortable removing shoes outside their own home.
Maybe you should put down sheets or newspaper al la Last of the Summer Wine!

Growing0ldDisgracefully Fri 27-Dec-19 10:41:22

My sister-in-law used to insist on us removing shoes at her house, yet used to refuse to remove hers when visiting us - we had just had brand new wool carpets fitted! One rule for us peasants, a different rule for her highness......

Witzend Fri 27-Dec-19 10:41:58

I have to say that I don't knowingly visit the sort of people who have 'house rules' - that is apart from the usual ones of courtesy/consideration, which to me does not include a host or hostess valuing their carpets above their guests' comfort.

grannytotwins Fri 27-Dec-19 10:43:51

I had visitors from Canada yesterday. They took their shoes off without thinking. Perhaps that’s the norm there. My tiled floors must have felt so cold. I have never asked anyone to take off their shoes. I don’t want to look at their feet! I have no recollection of ever being asked to remove outdoor shoes in my seventy years in England. As others have said, no wonder there are so many allergies these days. My children all crawled at six months old and never got ill from being on floors that I had walked on with my outdoor shoes. How many of these fussy people have cats on their worktops and dogs having accidents on the floor?

tickingbird Fri 27-Dec-19 10:45:14

Personally, I think they’re being rude with their refusal but you could get some of those very inexpensive disposable overshoes that delivery drivers use. They just place them over their shoes and the carpets are protected. Surely they wouldn’t object to that?

Grannyhall29 Fri 27-Dec-19 10:48:15

Although it's common courtesy to take your shoes off when visiting, especially with cream carpets (we will be taking ours off this afternoon when visiting SiL even though they have brown carpets, maybe your BiL has bad foot odour and is embarrassed to remove his shoes

maureen118 Fri 27-Dec-19 10:49:55

plastic shoe covers can be a slippy hazard for the wearer! I think its rude to ask people to take their shoes off ... BUT you could keep a little supply of hotel slippers NEW ones for each guest displayed prominently at your entrance with a note 'for visitors'. I would keep cream carpets for bedrooms.

hilz Fri 27-Dec-19 10:50:45

Most of my visitors automatically remove shoes as I do when visiting them. I wouldn't dream of telling someone to take their shoes off though..I value the visit more than an extra bit of vacuuming or floor washing. Although I admit as I get older putting footwear on is sometimes a bit of an issue now. Arthritic joints and reduced mobility so maybe your visitors are a tad embarrassed to show how they struggle in front of you if they have similar problems. Just a thought

Chaitriona Fri 27-Dec-19 10:56:04

Perhaps your BiL has smelly feet and is ashamed to take his shoes off. Also it was not the custom here in the past and may make older people, particularly men, feel very uncomfortable and embarrassed. Whatever the reason, they have made it clear that keeping their shoes on is more important to them than meeting your needs in your home. And you have made it clear that your carpets are more important to you than making them feel relaxed and welcome guests. It seems a shame for you all but there it is. We can all be pretty neurotic. I saw a photo of the Queen in a book I was given for Christmas. She was wearing white socks to walk in a mosque in the Middle East. If the Queen can do it.......?

FC61 Fri 27-Dec-19 10:56:25

When I was a child my father had offices next to the Guildhall in London and I used to scoot round there in school holidays and play in there thanks to the kind old caretaker. One day I scooted in and arrived in front of the young queen dressed in a pale blue ball gown encrusted with crystals attending a state occasion . Needless to say she pretended not to see me and I was quietly removed. I told my parents but they didn’t believe me! Another time I was at the Kensington high st Odeon with my daughter watching Basil the Great Mouse Detective. As Buckingham Palace appeared on the screen Prince William aged 8 stood up pointed and said ‘look there’s granny’s house!’. Princess Diana looked behind at us and grinned.

flaxwoven Fri 27-Dec-19 11:00:30

Brother in law's carpets are pale pink with a pattern. We always take our shoes off in the kitchen. I bring slippers with me. Some older people are very set in their ways. When in someone else's house, surely it's polite to follow their ways?

H1954 Fri 27-Dec-19 11:06:12

I don't like anyone in my home wearing outdoor shoes either! We have numerous cats roaming the area, they are not choosy where they foul and often have diarrhoea which literally drops out of their backends as the stroll around. Hence, the poop is on the roads, paths, driveways etc. All that, along with wet grit, mud, general dirt and oil deposits from vehicles gets on people's shoes! Why would I want that in my home!?
Before anyone tells me cats always bury their poop, NO THEY DO NOT!
We had an Ariel fitter call recently and he put the shoe covers on that another GN member commented on, fabulous idea, we were so impressed and grateful for his consideration! The same happens when the gas engineer services the boiler which is upstairs.
I always remove my shoes/boots without being prompted when I visit anyone's house; always have and always will.

Greciangirl Fri 27-Dec-19 11:24:16

I have two sets of friends that do not like shoes being worn indoors. I hate taking my shoes of when I visit, as my feet are usually nice and warm, but take slippers with me.

They do the same here. Another friend doesn’t require me to take shoes of and I feel a lot more comfortable in her house.

I prefer people to take their shoes of in my house, but they don’t always do. One particular friend I asked round for lunch had such a struggle getting her shoes of and on, I felt terribly guilty for even asking.
Just expecting family around so will have to request shoes of as they are not very considerate.

Guineagirl Fri 27-Dec-19 11:24:55

Pudding123, they sound a lot of fun. I don’t ask people to take them off but people do as they can see my shoes on a neat rack at the door and I keep it very clean. When I go to others homes I always take them off as I don’t know if they wear them inside or not so to be sure I take them off.

I never wear inside shoes in. My late Mam knew I never wore shoes inside but would never take hers off when visiting, I found this rude and as if she didn’t care about me.

It’s your home you do what you want to feel happy, they are purely visitors.

NotANana Fri 27-Dec-19 11:25:38

I visit people in their homes as part of my job, and I always ask if they would like me to remove my shoes before I go in. If the answer is yes, I would take them off. No question.
Most people say no...

Guineagirl Fri 27-Dec-19 11:26:27

By the way my Mam brought slugs in on her shoes once, every morning there was slug slime every day until I caught it with poison.

Riggie Fri 27-Dec-19 11:27:45

I would never dream of asking visitors to remove shoes. Being a good host is about making sure your guests are comfortable

Bijou Fri 27-Dec-19 11:30:01

Most of my visitors voluntarily take off their shoes but I tell them that they need not do so. Floors are meant to be walked on.

Lovetopaint037 Fri 27-Dec-19 11:30:05

I automatically take slippers with me when visiting. I put my slippers on when I get home and think it’s normal. It’s all about respect for other people’s homes.

grannygranby Fri 27-Dec-19 11:30:47

as you say they are in their 70's. Boots can be very difficult to get on and off as you get older. I have to use a very long shoe horn (thanks Ikea) impossible to get them on without no-one ever has them and if I bend over double for too long I get a breathing problem/attack. I don't want to draw attention to my frailty. So think on.
I come down firmly on the 'keep your shoes on if you want to' camp. It can cause far more distress to your visitors whom you have invited than hoovering a bit of carpet.
Many people ask me at the door if they should take their shoes off and I say no it's fine and they always look relieved. I first came across this behaviour in Boston nearly thirty years ago and thought they were crackers and OCD and now it has become normalised here. Such a shame. And cream carpets ....ubiquitous. Remember good manners is making other people feel at ease...you have invited them. they have come a long way.

granh1 Fri 27-Dec-19 11:33:08

Your feet get further away the older you get - maybe they had problems getting shoes on and off - just a thought!!

Cuckoo22 Fri 27-Dec-19 11:41:08

I wouldn’t care if the whole of a farmyard was brought in - and I’m obsessively clean. If someone visits, I’m just happy they came. I’m happy to clean after they go.
I’ll take shoes off in everyone else’s house, it’s easy to carry folding slippers when visiting. £1 a pair from Poundland.
Could always have some for visitors if you wanted to.

Mamma66 Fri 27-Dec-19 11:42:37

We have an outer porch and routinely take off shoes as do the majority of our guests. We don’t actually ask, but it is fairly obvious that we do and most people just happily take off their shoes. We do provide slippers if wanted. If someone didn’t take off their shoes we wouldn’t say anything and my Father who is 87 tends not to and obviously we don’t say anything. Our carpets are quite light, necessary as the layout of the house means the living room / dining room is incredibly dark and darker floors would make the room even more gloomy. We grew up in a hose where shoes were routinely taken off as were the majority of friends / families houses. It does make it far easier to keeps floors cleaner. I don’t quite understand why some people think it is such a big deal