Live in partner financial contribution

Thanks everyone I love the differing views it’s helped me get some perspective. Playing devil’s advocate my negativity is probably a hangover from a lifetime of looking over my shoulder making sure I’m not being taken advantage of. As our dear Phil Larkin said - they F you up your mum and dad! Thanks Hetty and Chloe for your advice re: assets etc I’ve got my son onto this (professionally) and I will definitely make firm arrangements so that I can rest easy. I’m relieved that mostly people think I am being unreasonable! That’s exactly what I needed to hear to being me back to “happy” and to stop my worrying unnecessarily. I feel like I’ve had a reality check from everyone for which I am very grateful. Thanks guys ❤️

Hi Mamby here are my thoughts for what they're worth.

Would we be having this discussion if it was a man who had written the OP?

I'm with those who say what's not to like - he does DIY, contributes 50/50, pays when you go out. In other words, he is not freeloading/a passenger/taking advantage. To me that shows that he does appreciate you.

So what if he "brags" about living a good life - my OH tells his mates all the time how lucky he is to have me (I've also overheard him saying that he will never leave me, because it's a jungle out there. That just made me laugh).

Are you happy?

The only thing that needs sorting is the question of whether or not he will have a legal claim on your house, should the relationship run its course in time.

Mambypamby, you ask why you feel this way. How can you be absolutely certain that he truly loves you - when it IS so very convenient for him to stay with you? That is a problem!

Perhaps you have rushed into this without giving enough time to getting to know each other. His financial arrangements are not your concerns. If he is contributing 50-50 and doing diy and paying when you go out it seems he is doing more than paying his way, so perhaps, as others have said, there is something else that is worrying you. He may well have been bragging about his new comfortable life- presumably his life before he met you was not easy, but that doesn’t mean to say he is taking you for granted, he is just grateful. The bottom line is- do you love him? Does he love you? Can you see a future together, as you get older and, perhaps, suffer health problems? Would you be content to be his career, in the worst case situation? Would he be yours?

Well it does sound as though things are very convenient for him. You have picked up on this and hearing him bragging how well he has his life sorted has confirmed your feelings. I would be very wary, its early days yet. I would certainly take legal advice regarding your financial situation.

Yes, Meryl has a point, I'm thinking that if you hadn't overheard him bragging would you have still felt like this? Do you feel that he contributes as much to the relationship as you do? Are you resentful that he still supports his AC?

I’ve private message you

It all depends on what you mean by bragging
Maybe he was just very happy that he'd found an independent woman who loves him and doesn't take from him ( not saying that his ex wife did)

None of us on here can say for sure why you’re feeling that way but I’d say trust your instincts - if your spidey senses are telling you something’s not right then it probably isn’t.

What more would you like him to do? Have you spoken to a solicitor to check where you stand legally if you were to split up or predecease him?

Read this:

www.ft.com/content/4192e51c-e41a-11e8-a6e5-792428919cee

I'd be wary that he may have a future claim against your house. If he has contributed, DIY wise, and you separate later on, he could have a legal claim to a share of it. Why not see a solicitor, just to find out how to protect your rights?

Tend to agree with Jane10

He splits the bills, pays when you're out and does any DIY required. What more do you want? I think you're being unreasonable.

Hmmm, do you love him? Does he cherish you? What does he not do that you wish he would?

Just asking to get a better picture

Yes that is how it feels ☹️

Because he is taking you and living off your care for granted.

Do not rush into marrying him and make a will.