Am I Jealous or is this normal?

has learnt from......

BlueBelle is spot on about differences in upbringing and expectations from firstborn to 'lastborn'. Oh, how fussy and concerned I was about the first.

I wanted everything to be absolutely perfect for him. With the fourth, I was in a relaxed and laid back mode. Of course, the fourth has turned out the happiest of them all!

I suspect that it is you that has softened her! She kicked up a fuss with you, and now knows it was wrong and learnt her lesson. Try and be flattered! You and your LO have changed her for the better!

Bathsheba I think your reference to the mother in law's mother having something to do with her attitude is correct.
When we announced our engagement, my Granny (dad's mum) said she didn't even know I had a boyfriend. We'd been living together for a year, in a different town. My parents had never mentioned it as they were too ashamed apparently. I'd had no idea!

Bloody religion ! Get a grip’

perhaps she learned from you and is now on a different path.

we learn by our mistakes, maybe she realised that all she did to discourage your wedding wasnt worth the trouble and shes now realised that religion isnt the be all and end all when it comes to love . i hope this is the reason as ive made similar mistakes

Maybe you are responsible for your MIL changing her opinion. Have you thought of that? If your marriage had turned out to be a disaster and you an impossible DIL, I'm sure she would have been even more resistant to the bride to be.

In Northern Ireland, many, many years ago, my protestant uncle married a catholic . My grandmother was a dreadful bigot, but his wife became her favourite person in the entire family.

I so understand your feelings of resentment but I think I would try and see it that you set a precedent.mil realises that she doesn’t actually call the shots with her boys any more . You have compromised and shown your mil the way. Maybe because of you things have changed for the better and that’s something to be proud of . Try and take the moral high ground lol . Your new sil should thank you for it

Let it go. Your Mil maybe doesn't have the energy for another fight. Unless you are hurt because you adore her, then be civil but distant. My wonderful mother got married without the blessing of her father, not because my dad wasn't catholic, but because he wasn't Irish!

She is wiser today than she was yesterday - that can only be good. She must know that you are likely to becomparing her tratment of you and your DH in the past - but that it where it is, and should be left if you want peace. Be glad that she has changed - although it must be a bitter pill for you. I had my engagement and wedding spoilt by a ghastly MiL, and she never changed.

Please can someone explain LO !!! For the life of me, apart from an earlier suggestion of lovely ostrich, I can't think xx

Yes, you’re jealous and envious. Yes, that’s understandable. However, you’re also bearing a grudge.

Deal with then then and now now.

Deal with what is, not what ifs.

Enjoy your child, enjoy Granny’s relationship with your child and give yourself a pat on the back for being the trailblazer.

Your new SIL-to-be will never have the first grandchild, you are in the privileged and honoured position to set the behaviour boundaries when it comes to grandchildren.

Let it go, it’s poisoning you, your husband and your child and family unit. Deep breath, pack it back firmly in the past where it belongs and move forward.

Little One

“Little one”

OP it can be absolutely normal to feel jealous so don’t beat yourself up about it.
On the other hand, don’t let any resentment build up. You sound very sensible, perhaps one day you and your sister-in-law will have a giggle about it.

Totally agree, endlessstrife

Not the same but I made a few errors when my first child was dating. I wasn't impressed ... nothing to do with religion... but I can understand how annoying it might be to her when she sees her 3 siblings having an easier time

Not quite the same but we do learn by our mistakes

Eldest daughter and I have a smashing relationship. T'wasn't always thus. Recently we have spoken about the troubles we had and we agree that we we both right at the time.

All's well that ends well

So don't worry or fret about it.

It will be lost in the annals of time before you know it

I would be a bit peeved for a few mins then would think well situations and people change, I’d move on you have a LO now yes you are holding a grudge, but in all honesty I’d let it go and get on with your life,

You could look at it as you have shown your MIL that religion isn't important when a couple marry - and that it is more than possible to be happy in such situations. Perhaps MIL has learnt a lesson from seeing your relationship mature and be a very happy and contented one.

People change and their attitudes change as well.
Unfortunately, you and your OH seem to have been the test case for "marrying out" of the Catholic church.
Your MiL 's upbringing may well have been threaded through with beliefs from her local priest and even today , there are still people that because of their upbringing believe that if their children are not married in church, it will not be recognised either legally or in the eyes of their Lord, or even the rest of the congregation and friends!
My own grandmother was always worried that my marriage would not be legal - I didn't have the banns called as my fiance' was from overseas, so I had to marry under a common law license ( I even had to swear an afidavit with the Bishop's legal secretary to get it)
Just be thank ful that your BiL and his fiancee will not have to go through the rigmarole that you did and who knows, your MiL may even think that you are a little bit special just because you acceeded to her demands/requests to do as you did with your wedding!

Maybe she has learnt from her experience with you and mellowed over time. If it worries you and you feel you are able to why not mention it to her. You could say something like I am really pleased you are happy about BiLs wedding. How do you feel about it not being in a Church? . And then maybe take it from there.

Actually you have done all the groundwork towards making yourMIL more tolerant and open to new ideas . You have made her kinder and more understanding . Well done you !
Stop fretting and enjoy this new era !

Do you like your new SiL to be?
You should make an ally of her!

I'd say well done you for paving the way and rest assured that I see you as a better person for overcoming previous difficulties..?You Mother in law must know by now how lucky she is!!

Although religion wasn't an issue, I was the 'first in' to an old-fashioned, set-in-their-ways, rather snobbish family who found me 'common' (not actually said until years later, as an example of how far they had come, but believe me, I knew!)

I felt some resentment as subsequent partners joined so much more easily, but decided, as others have advised to 'park' my annoyance. It was helped by the advice often given here, that they have raised this wonderful man I love, so they can do something right!

The family changed for the better as they learned to do things differently, and I learned how tolerance and understanding can grow. I had come from an open and welcoming family, and hadn't realised the barriers some people have to climb to accept those who are slightly different.

So, I agree, you have a right to your feelings, but no need to parade them. Quietly congratulate yourself!

I am sorry you are hurt. Of course I don't know what your MIL is thinking, but thought it might help to hear what happened to me. I am Catholic and have 3 children. The first one got married with a big church wedding and after doesn't go to church at all. The second one got married on the water with a friend marrying them and she no longer attends any church. The 3rd one is engaged, is living with a man who is divorced and they are talking about getting married at the courthouse. She no longer goes to church. Of course I hoped they would embrace the faith they were raised with but none of them did. With each child I had to lower my expectations and accept whatever kind of marriage they decided to have. Maybe, like me, your MIL is realizing we have no control over our children's decisions and it is nothing personal about you. Combining families is a learning process and I think everyone has to learn how to get along as we go along. Do you not feel comfortable enough to gently ask her about it?