Am I Jealous or is this normal?

Sorry...whats an LO? looked at acronyms and its not there.

You taught your mil that her worries about your religiosity or lack of it were not a problem. Your brother-in-law and his fiancée are benefiting from this. You can feel good about that.

Let it go. Grudges cause bitterness, which can destroy you. Just be thankful you have a good and happy marriage, and be happy for this young man.

You are being jealous - perfectly understandably too. You were the first - always more difficult. What was, was. Can't change it now, just do your best to enjoy this one and support them however you can.

As a MIL myself I don't feel that the way my children and their partners choose to marry or live together, have a church wedding or registry office is anything to do with me. Your MIL sounds very overbearing and opinionated. Your husband should support you not his mother, its ridiculous in this day and age that she is behaving like this.! Find some courage and stand up to them both xx

Having been part of the RC community I know there are some Catholics (fortunately not many now) who think non Catholics are a danger of some sort. I knew a several people who had married into the faith and they'd all been given a hard time at first until the inlaw (usually the MIL) came to see them as normal people. Perhaps your MIL had these unfounded fears and as she's got to know you has realised that non Catholics are no different to Catholics. There are good and bad amongst all peoples. If this is the case then it was easier for her to accept your BIL marrying outside of the faith. Try not to think about what you went through but rather feel that you were a pathfinder who did your future SIL a massive favour.

It’s interesting that a couple of posters on here have talked about their expectations and how they’ve had to lower them. This sounds as if you believe that non religious services are somehow inferior and something that you have a right to voice an opinion on.

As an atheist I would never say similar to someone who had chosen a religious ceremony - it wouldn’t even occur to me - and I wonder why you feel a)it’s any of your business what sort of wedding another couple have chosen and b)why you feel a non religious service is somehow lesser and something you’ve had to come to terms with?

As pp’s have said, your MiL has probably realised she was unreasonable regarding the marriage of you and your DH. I think you should congratulate yourself for proving to be a good wife, mother and DiL.
We all make mistakes and frankly I cringe at some of the things I used to believe and firmly convinced I was right to so do. Learning, for many, is a lifelong process and I think it’s really good that your MiL has overcome some of her past prejudices.

FridayIscoming - take this as a compliment to you and not as a slight. Five years is a long time and she has mellowed, probably because after her initial feeling that she had to ensure her son had a church wedding, she has come to like/love you and has realised that church or registrar office, it doesn't matter as long as you are good people and make good parents. So your brother in law is benefitting from the great role model you have given your MIL of what the younger generation can be like, with or without religious beliefs. You say you would like to become a little more religious yourself, when that happens and in years to come you might be glad that your MIL put her foot down and asked you to go through a church ceremony. Please don't waste your energy on worrying about the difference in treatment between one brother and another when it's not going to improve your relationship with anybody in your family at all.

I am sorry you are hurt. Of course I don't know what your MIL is thinking, but thought it might help to hear what happened to me. I am Catholic and have 3 children. The first one got married with a big church wedding and after doesn't go to church at all. The second one got married on the water with a friend marrying them and she no longer attends any church. The 3rd one is engaged, is living with a man who is divorced and they are talking about getting married at the courthouse. She no longer goes to church. Of course I hoped they would embrace the faith they were raised with but none of them did. With each child I had to lower my expectations and accept whatever kind of marriage they decided to have. Maybe, like me, your MIL is realizing we have no control over our children's decisions and it is nothing personal about you. Combining families is a learning process and I think everyone has to learn how to get along as we go along. Do you not feel comfortable enough to gently ask her about it?

Although religion wasn't an issue, I was the 'first in' to an old-fashioned, set-in-their-ways, rather snobbish family who found me 'common' (not actually said until years later, as an example of how far they had come, but believe me, I knew!)

I felt some resentment as subsequent partners joined so much more easily, but decided, as others have advised to 'park' my annoyance. It was helped by the advice often given here, that they have raised this wonderful man I love, so they can do something right!

The family changed for the better as they learned to do things differently, and I learned how tolerance and understanding can grow. I had come from an open and welcoming family, and hadn't realised the barriers some people have to climb to accept those who are slightly different.

So, I agree, you have a right to your feelings, but no need to parade them. Quietly congratulate yourself!

I'd say well done you for paving the way and rest assured that I see you as a better person for overcoming previous difficulties..?You Mother in law must know by now how lucky she is!!

Do you like your new SiL to be?
You should make an ally of her!

Actually you have done all the groundwork towards making yourMIL more tolerant and open to new ideas . You have made her kinder and more understanding . Well done you !
Stop fretting and enjoy this new era !

Maybe she has learnt from her experience with you and mellowed over time. If it worries you and you feel you are able to why not mention it to her. You could say something like I am really pleased you are happy about BiLs wedding. How do you feel about it not being in a Church? . And then maybe take it from there.

People change and their attitudes change as well.
Unfortunately, you and your OH seem to have been the test case for "marrying out" of the Catholic church.
Your MiL 's upbringing may well have been threaded through with beliefs from her local priest and even today , there are still people that because of their upbringing believe that if their children are not married in church, it will not be recognised either legally or in the eyes of their Lord, or even the rest of the congregation and friends!
My own grandmother was always worried that my marriage would not be legal - I didn't have the banns called as my fiance' was from overseas, so I had to marry under a common law license ( I even had to swear an afidavit with the Bishop's legal secretary to get it)
Just be thank ful that your BiL and his fiancee will not have to go through the rigmarole that you did and who knows, your MiL may even think that you are a little bit special just because you acceeded to her demands/requests to do as you did with your wedding!

You could look at it as you have shown your MIL that religion isn't important when a couple marry - and that it is more than possible to be happy in such situations. Perhaps MIL has learnt a lesson from seeing your relationship mature and be a very happy and contented one.

I would be a bit peeved for a few mins then would think well situations and people change, I’d move on you have a LO now yes you are holding a grudge, but in all honesty I’d let it go and get on with your life,

Totally agree, endlessstrife

Not the same but I made a few errors when my first child was dating. I wasn't impressed ... nothing to do with religion... but I can understand how annoying it might be to her when she sees her 3 siblings having an easier time

Not quite the same but we do learn by our mistakes

Eldest daughter and I have a smashing relationship. T'wasn't always thus. Recently we have spoken about the troubles we had and we agree that we we both right at the time.

All's well that ends well

So don't worry or fret about it.

It will be lost in the annals of time before you know it

“Little one”

OP it can be absolutely normal to feel jealous so don’t beat yourself up about it.
On the other hand, don’t let any resentment build up. You sound very sensible, perhaps one day you and your sister-in-law will have a giggle about it.

Little One

Yes, you’re jealous and envious. Yes, that’s understandable. However, you’re also bearing a grudge.

Deal with then then and now now.

Deal with what is, not what ifs.

Enjoy your child, enjoy Granny’s relationship with your child and give yourself a pat on the back for being the trailblazer.

Your new SIL-to-be will never have the first grandchild, you are in the privileged and honoured position to set the behaviour boundaries when it comes to grandchildren.

Let it go, it’s poisoning you, your husband and your child and family unit. Deep breath, pack it back firmly in the past where it belongs and move forward.

Please can someone explain LO !!! For the life of me, apart from an earlier suggestion of lovely ostrich, I can't think xx

She is wiser today than she was yesterday - that can only be good. She must know that you are likely to becomparing her tratment of you and your DH in the past - but that it where it is, and should be left if you want peace. Be glad that she has changed - although it must be a bitter pill for you. I had my engagement and wedding spoilt by a ghastly MiL, and she never changed.

Let it go. Your Mil maybe doesn't have the energy for another fight. Unless you are hurt because you adore her, then be civil but distant. My wonderful mother got married without the blessing of her father, not because my dad wasn't catholic, but because he wasn't Irish!