Am I Jealous or is this normal?

I so understand your feelings of resentment but I think I would try and see it that you set a precedent.mil realises that she doesn’t actually call the shots with her boys any more . You have compromised and shown your mil the way. Maybe because of you things have changed for the better and that’s something to be proud of . Try and take the moral high ground lol . Your new sil should thank you for it

Maybe you are responsible for your MIL changing her opinion. Have you thought of that? If your marriage had turned out to be a disaster and you an impossible DIL, I'm sure she would have been even more resistant to the bride to be.

In Northern Ireland, many, many years ago, my protestant uncle married a catholic . My grandmother was a dreadful bigot, but his wife became her favourite person in the entire family.

we learn by our mistakes, maybe she realised that all she did to discourage your wedding wasnt worth the trouble and shes now realised that religion isnt the be all and end all when it comes to love . i hope this is the reason as ive made similar mistakes

perhaps she learned from you and is now on a different path.

Bloody religion ! Get a grip’

Bathsheba I think your reference to the mother in law's mother having something to do with her attitude is correct.
When we announced our engagement, my Granny (dad's mum) said she didn't even know I had a boyfriend. We'd been living together for a year, in a different town. My parents had never mentioned it as they were too ashamed apparently. I'd had no idea!

I suspect that it is you that has softened her! She kicked up a fuss with you, and now knows it was wrong and learnt her lesson. Try and be flattered! You and your LO have changed her for the better!

BlueBelle is spot on about differences in upbringing and expectations from firstborn to 'lastborn'. Oh, how fussy and concerned I was about the first.

I wanted everything to be absolutely perfect for him. With the fourth, I was in a relaxed and laid back mode. Of course, the fourth has turned out the happiest of them all!

has learnt from......

I would say your MIL had learnt from her past mistakes, and isn’t repeating them. I would embrace this if you can, and think, because of you and your husband, progress has been made to everyone’s advantage. Just look after yourselves from now on, and obviously, take her to task if she behaves badly again.

You blazed a trail! - you were first so bore the brunt of it. Hopefully MIL has seen the light and learned a bit of tolerance from you!

Paste on a smile - it is water under the bridge. Be happy that she has moved on.

Blooming religion - so very divisive. Makes me so exasperated. Oh - perhaps you could try exasperated instead of jealous! Please be happy that your SIL to be has had an easier ride and wish them both well.

I wonder whether your MiL always felt somehow 'accountable' to her own mother, responsible for upholding the Catholic faith in her sons? Maybe her mother was very much the matriarch in the family, with everyone following her lead, staying in the faith, afraid to deviate from the expectations placed on them.

She may well have felt mortified at the thought of having to tell her mother that her beloved grandson was about to marry outside the faith and this could have seriously coloured her attitude to you. But now, with her mother no longer in the picture, your MiL is able to feel much more relaxed, and able to accept your BiL's fiancee more willingly.

I agree with ToniSH.
Would it ever be possible for you to have some time alone and quietly with MiL - meet for coffee/tea/ walk in the park- and tell her how you feel ? Perhaps it would be a chance to get to know each other better and mend the rift between you ....just a thought.

Slightly different from what others are saying - You are allowed to feel upset; she spoilt your wedding a little by inserting her wishes and displeasure into the proceedings. She also made you feel very unwelcome.
However, that's nothing to do with DH Brother and wife-to-be so you have to keep that separate.
With regard to the MIL, just see if her attitude to you softens. If it doesn't, just be civil and don't kill yourself trying to please her.

I agree with others Fridayiscoming your mother in law has mellowed and that has probably been down in part to you and your husband. You have made things easier for your brother in law, well done. Don't be resentful be glad you have helped to bring about this change.

Crikey! Just be happy for everyone involved, give your husband a break, live your life, and above all - please move on!

I actually think FridayIsComing you taught your MIL a lesson.
And even if she hasn`t said it to you it`s clear to me you have made her look at herself and her attitude to you and your DH
was rather naughty and childish.

I think you should take it as a massive, massive compliment. She had all kinds of prejudices when she met you and over time, through being the person you are, you have shown her how wrong and silly they were. She is a better person because of you!

You can’t get a much better accolade in life than that. Well done you!?

Oh let it go tell yourself she has learned by her mistakes with you It really isn’t worth holding on to and will only eat away at you
Life is never equal I know my last born had a more relaxed life than my first born it’s natural you are a beginner you’re looking to do everything right with the first, by the third or fourth you are lucky to get five minutes in the loo let alone be as vigilant
By the way LO means nothing to me did you give birth to a lovely ostrich ???

I can't help think that it's odd that the first time your mil and new sister in law meet is when the marriage is announced. I imagine that there's a different relationship with her sons - you need to put it behind you. But as has been said, start to stand up to her.

Some time has passed between you and your OH getting married and this forthcoming wedding; maybe MIL has "mellowed" a bit?

I would leave well alone, rise above it and don't get involved; MIL might just change her tack and you certainly do not want to be in the firing line do you?

I do understand that you feel hurt by all this, we all want to be treated fairly within a family unit and sadly this is not always the case.

Let this go, enjoy your life and don't stress over the potential problems of others. Warm wishes.

Your MiL may have realised that her behaviour with you was inappropriate so has mellowed a bit - although she’s still an arse for telling your BiL and his fiancée what her preference is as her preferences are irrelevant. It’s not her wedding and she needs to learn that just because she thinks something doesn’t mean she has to say it.

Its such a negative place to be and i cant snap out of it.

I was in much the same position as you, so I can talk with a wee bit of experience.

I think it's YOU who have softened Mil. She was against you as a non-Catholic but you have proved to be a good wife and made her son happy.

She's far too stubborn to admit it but she's learned her lesson and that she was wrong and is determined not to make the same hurtful mistake now.

In my case, my Catholic mil was kindness itself to me, a Baptist who would have loved a church wedding.

It was MY parents who threatend to boycott the wedding (and in fact did ruin my wedding day with their bigotry by forcing us to a Registry Office.)

When my first son arrived, they were all sweetness and light as if they'd never caused such heartbreak but not once did they ever apologise. I went along with it but to this day, what they did, still hurts.

Don't let this eat away at you. I really believe it is your goodness that's turned her attitude around.

You were breaking the mould!
I had a far harder time as a teenager than my sister, five years younger, did. I was "breaking up the family unit" when I wanted to go out with my friends. Sister had none of that as they'd got used to it by then.
Try and see it as a compliment to you as a daughter in law: you may not be a Catholic, but you've proved to be a good member of the family so they're happy to welcome the new daughter in law. This new girl has had her battles fought for her!
Yes it's unfair and annoying, but try to enjoy the wedding (no hassles for you this time hopefully) and make a friend and ally of your new sister in law.
My mother in law was the archetypal matriarch and my husband is her youngest. I've had to be firm and stand my ground with her many times over the years but we get on absolutely fine now.

Have you thought of writing it all down; really saying what you think, and then burning the letter?
That's supposed to be a good way of getting these thoughts out in a safe way, and the burning is symbolic of something or other..