Am I Jealous or is this normal?

Yes i know its a case of attitudes changing over time. I understand this logic. But i cant help but feel angry and hurt when i sit through this new embracing attitude from mil. Its such a negative place to be and i cant snap out of it.

Nearly 50 years ago my parents thought it was horrendous that we might be having sex before marriage. They insisted that we got married immediately. We didn’t as waited until graduation. Roll forward a few years and my married aunt meets another man and lives ‘in sin’ and now they think it is ok. Despite the earlier issues we always got on well with my parents and had loads of fun together. Times and attitudes change.

Mother-in-law in those 5 years since you married has perhaps mellowed with age. Maybe she has realised she was harsh on you and your husband and was wrong in her demands but is too proud to admit and say sorry for the hurt she caused.
Times change.

We dont pander to mil anymore. We do a bit but not so much as before. Mil has reined it in since the arrival of LO. i just dread the whole wedding lead up as it brings up horrible memories. I dont want new sil or anyone to think i am jealous. This is purely a mil problem.

I can’t say whether you are hurt or jealous but I would be annoyed with Mil, after all the palaver you'd had to go through for your wedding to suit her and now for her other Son, it’s all fine.
After saying the above, I really don’t think that you should pander so much to your Mil, you and your husband have your own family now and your unit should come first, before anyone else.

Mil said the line about being happy if they are happy within 5 minutes of meeting her so i dont think she knew her long enough to like her.
I am glad Bil n his wife to be are having a smooth ride. But the deep hurt and obstacles dh n i went through before our wedding and after was horrific all because i was not catholic.
I think mil has learnt to be better about this but i feel i am reliving every difficulty every-time i see how open and accepting she is of her new dil.

I think losing her mum probably has softened your mother in laws edges.
Bereavement has a way of teaching people what is important in life.

You can't compare the past with the present situation. Your MIL has become more reasonable (or lowered her standards) since your marriage, that's all.

Maybe you suspect that she gets along better with (or likes more) her new DIL to be? Does it really matter? It could be that she's just learned to keep her opinions to herself though.