AIBU to expect DIL and son to let us know in advance when we are needed to babysit or whatever in advance without me having to keep asking . To not expect to turn up to stay with relatives who have offered without confirming or giving notice. The excuse seems to be they have so much going on and as others have no children they must have plenty of time to drop everything whenever to accommodate them. They only seem to contact us is when they want something,usually money which we never get back. But because of the kids I can't say no, just get so stressed and feel so hurt as well. Sorry for the rant
I only babysit when I am asked in advance and then only if I don't have something already planned. The exception is if one of them is sent home from school unwell if both parents are working, as long as I'm not working too. The more available you make yourself, the more you'll get taken advantage of and feel resentful as a result. It's letting them know where the boundaries are, much the same as when you were bringing them up, just an extension of that!
JuliaM A bit judgemental on the other set of grandparents I think. The whole point is setting boundaries and if you don't and others do, then it is really up to them what they do and what you do is up to you. JMO
My daughter has two young children and I made it very clear from the start that I was not prepared to do regular childminding but I would happily do babysitting, and help in emergencies. I am the only grandparent and in my early 70s. My son-in-law and I get on extremely well. I also get to spend quality time with the whole family, and we all benefit. Lucky me.