To see nothing wrong in declining this wedding invitation

Our daughter & future son in law invited 120 to the sit down meal after the wedding ceremony. Then 60 more people to the evening buffet. It was like Monopoly money - the noughts kept rolling ... but they have been married for 10y now and have two gorgeous children.

If I divide the cost per year of marriage it doesn’t seem too extravagant now ha!

We were very canny. We chose a venue which was about to close down for renovations after it had been bought over.
We were offered the old prices if we booked immediately, for a date after the completion of the renovations.
DD is getting a fabulous wedding at half the current cost and the reviews of the newly refurbished venue are excellent.

I do like a bargain, as some of you already know.

Urmstongran, yes agreed- this is what I would do- go to ceremony and make it a lovely trip out.

As Marydoll says, the price of weddings is astronomical these days - and paying for 2 meals and tea for all the guests means they will be in debt for a very long time- unless parents can contribute substantially or for the lot. Totally OTT. The formula described is advised by 'wedding organisers' if the couple winces at the cost.

vampire - yes being invited the other side of the world can put a lot of pressure on people. But his SONS ?!? I would have done everything to attend for my partner- if at all possible. Not doing so is a recipe for not a very good future, perhaps?

And make a great holiday of it all after or before the wedding.

I wouldn't feel insulted particularly but don't like the idea of hanging around like that. We don't really enjoy evening functions now so I would excuse myself on those grounds. Send a gift and a card and forget the rest.

We turned down two invitations recently from DH's two sons. The first was to a wedding in Antigua and the second to one in New York.

Grammaretto

Bit cheeky to tell your brother he had to invite your daughter. Up to them who they invite really, even if you think it’s not very fair.

To be honest Grammaretto I think you were totally out of order insisting that your brother changed his plans to accommodate your daughter. It was HIS daughter's day!

This is exactly what happens when people are trying to organise an event which they want. It is their prerogative I people should respect that no matter what.
IF it doesn't suit any particular guest then they can decline but not demand they re-think the whole thing!

I am not surprised her brother eloped - there was probably a heck of a lot of arguing going on before his sisters.

We are in the process of sending out DD's wedding invitations.
I would never have considered asking people to the ceremony and then having to wait until the evening reception. I find it quite rude.
After much discussion, DD has decided on no evening invitations, everyone will be invited to the whole shebang!

I may have to get a job to pay for it all!!

I would have no qualms in declining, and probably would tell them why, in a polite way.

It strikes me as a bit diva ish to expect groups of people to travel and then spend the day hanging around waiting for the next 'instalment'.

I wouldn't say that though, unless pushed (a little bit)

I’d drive to the ceremony and then stop off on the way home for a nice meal for the two of us. Decline the evening disco doo! Leave a card & a cheque with someone before leaving saying ‘thank you you look beautiful and it was so nice to share the wedding vows’.

My niece was married last year and my DB told me that only our generation would be invited because there were trillions of cousins and they could not invite everyone.
I told him he had to invite my DD, who had grown up with her cousins and would be appalled not to be asked. He said he would think about it and the compromise was, each family chose representatives to go to the wedding. So I went with DD, my sister went with her DD etc. but not the whole tribe. A few weeks later, my nephew (her brother) was married quietly with no-one invited, not even his parents!

I think a lot of couples nowadays want to have larger weddings than they can really afford, so cut corners in ways that can cause a lit of inconvenience to their guests eg mid week weddings in out of the way locations that are cheaper for the couple but require overnight stays and having to take at least two days off work from the guests.

I really do think people should just have weddings they can afford, and if that means cutting back on numbers so be it.

That same invitation was (hilariously) for me and my ex boyfriend - not my new one!

I think people should really consider their guests when arranging invitations. We were invited to a family wedding quite a distance away.

I was invited to the ceremony and meal, my children were wanted at the ceremony and evening do.

Obviously, we'd all go together - so they'd have to 'get lost' for the afternoon and find somewhere to eat out. I'd have to get home by train.

When I explained the difficulties this created, it turned out that I was expected to babysit the grandchildren all evening too!

I declined - but the arrangements were changed as a lot of other people had also declined.

In the end, everyone was invited to everything. I still left early to get home by train, though, as I wasn't happy to babysit. The children took turns to look after the grandchildren.

The evening thing is for the B&G's friends isn't it? Older friends and relatives are either invited to the whole thing or not at all, surely?

If they don't like the arrangements, they should definitely refuse.
Doesn't sound much fun at all does it, the split shifts, and all. However the B&G have probably been having major headaches too. Making those invitation lists can make you want to elope.

This is increasingly common now but you don’t have to accept . Maybe just decline the invite but soften it with a gift or money instead. The bride and groom will no doubt be just as delighted.

I must be behind the times, as I have never heard of these ‘split’ weddings. I might go to the ceremony, but wouldn’t hang about waiting for the evening do. Why not just ask people to the later event?
The older I get, the less I want to go to weddings anyway.

I don't think it is particularly insulting but I don't think I would want to travel miles to a wedding, to sit around for hours waiting for the evening do either.

I suppose IF they are going to book into a hotel they could go back there in between? But I would probably lose the inclination to rejoin the main wedding party by this time.

I think I would just thank them but say I don't really care for evening do's any more. Hope they understand etc etc. Well..that is unless the bride and groom see them out and about till 2 a.m. on a regular basis bahaha... They can still send a card and present.

Actually I really don't much like being invited to an evening wedding reception full stop when most have been there eating and drinking all day! I feel like a gate crasher!

I think I'd book a weekend away!

Beswitched I think it comes across as rude, though probably not intended as such.
In my town a friend invited those of us local to the church ceremony but not to the party afterwards. I declined. I still sent a gift though.

I don't know why people make such a fuss about invites that dont appeal to them. Just politely decline if you arent going to go gladly. It's an invitation not a demand/order!

The trouble is nowadays they send you a Save the Date note months ahead, so it is hard to say you have got a prior engagement. However it is still only an invitation, not a command.

Think I would have a prior engagement

It all sounds exhausting, long drive, hanging around etc apart from the cost of a hotel, I know we would decline now. Wonder what the wedding party think you will do in between dressed in your finery and with nowhere to go, in fact the more I think of it the more a bit of a cheek it becomes!

Unfortunately it does seem to be a growing trend and I don't really like it. When I was younger I was often invited to the evening part of weddings if it was somebody like a colleague, a friend's sibling or a cousin (we're a large family so inviting all cousins out of the question).
But it was always to fairly local weddings. No one would have dreamt of asking anyone to travel any distance. And expecting someone to travel for the ceremony and then hang around waiting for the evening event was unheard of.