To see nothing wrong in declining this wedding invitation

Family member (they paid for hotel wedding themselves) invited immediate family members to wedding breakfast (2 hours?) after photos, while the rest of us went for pub lunch elsewhere (2 more hours). We all went back to hotel for drinks, buffet, cake cutting, more photos etc (2 hours) then an evening do as more people arrived. It served older family members and their friends.

I think it's a bit rude to be honest . I always tend to think the invite may have been issued so it can be said well you were invited but you chose to decline . Never mind thoughtless . If you live a considerable distance from the venue what are you supposed to do until the evening ... Ridiculous . I would politely tell them to stick it where the sun doesn't shine . I have just received an invite from a very close family member to their wedding over two hours drive away . My husband and I invited to the whole day but our sons only invited to the evening separately . One of our sons getting married himself a couple of months earlier and had invited them as a family to the whole day which they've accepted !!. You bet we are insulted esp since we are immediate family and they all grew up together . My husband and I will go and smile graciously but inside we are quite hurt as are our boys and lovely daughter in law to be .
I know it's their wedding and they can invite who they like but obviously family isn't important to some people . It's a slight i won't forget in a hurry and I'm afraid a generous donation to their honeymoon fund as requested won't be forthcoming from any of us . Sorry to offload on your thread Chardy but your post struck a chord with me .

meant to say sorry to Beswitched for off loading on her original post

I think it's inconsiderate and rather rude.

Bette22 I do agree with you about them sending an invitation so you cant say you havent been invited.
In your case that must be very hurtful when they have already accepted the invitation to your son's wedding.

What a lovely daughter you have Marydoll and considerate too.

Thank you Daisyboots, she is indeed considerate.
She and her fiancé, instead of giving wedding favours to guests, are donating to Chest, heart and stroke charity, because of our family history.

My daughter was asked if her daughter was going to a cousin's wedding. £30 per child per meal. £90 per adult. It is a Friday and I know that 5 children will be in school. £150 saved already ? The cost of receptions is ridiculous.

I really don’t like the evening do’s anyway - that is if they include a lot of over-loud, banging music, which they all seem to now.

Last wedding we went to, which was lovely, a substantial afternoon tea after the ceremony - we simply ducked out of the evening do (dancing and dinner) - we said it had already been a long day (a long drive to get there) and we were a bit past wanting to shake a leg, so would they mind if....

Instead we went with similar aged siblings/ILs for dinner at a nice restaurant a short stagger from where we were all staying.

TBH I doubt that the very nice young couple missed half a dozen old farts/fartettes at all!

I hope your DD's wedding is wonderful Marydoll! I'm sure it will be. Everyone invited to everything is the best way.
We had a very simple wedding ceremony followed by a party back at the house.. 51 yrs ago,

Weddings are a logistical, expensive nightmare these days.
I should belatedly explain the background to my telling my DB he had to invite my DD. Not only had she been very close her cousin, but their whole family had come to her own wedding a few years before Tedber So to choose not to invite her would have been downright rude.

Oh dear. We've been invited to a wedding in India - 3 days of wedding. I think we will politely decline.

Be switched. I personally would turn down the invitation. Too many reasons not to go.
Just send a card and buy a present. Look at the photos later.
With me it’s all for nothing.

Was invited to the evening reception of s young colleague and drove far and was shocked that no refreshments were served apart from a piece of wedding cake at the end and apart from one small drink of punch everything you had to pay for. I never been to a reception like that before and I had to get some chips on the way home.

Had this type of invitation twice. On both occasions we stayed in the hotel where the evening party was so did not really have a problem. However the majority of the people who were not at the meal spent the mid part of the day in the bar. So there was a large number of very drunk people at the evening party.

A cousin who moved abroad years ago, hasn't given us the time of day in years, despite frequent trips to the US...not so much as a note or a phone call. No falling out, no animosity...just sheer indifference. Now, her son is getting married this Spring (destination wedding) some 2000 miles away. The last I saw of him, he was 8 months old, and he's now thirty years of age.

Well, lo and behold! Last month, out of the blue, a large envelope was delivered in person by 'Fedex' that we even had to sign for. Inside was a formal looking envelope but it wasn't an invitation at all; just a mere participation (whew!)....but here's the cheek. They included only two things inside ....a color brochure of the five star hotel (we're not invited so why??) and a small card with links to three gift registries ....There was no other information, or clarity etc. surrounding the brochure or the participation or whatever the heck that was!

It pains me to say it, but at this point in my life, I really couldn't care less about relatives who are strangers until they want something. ..... and no, under the circumstances, I don't feel obligated to write or to send anything.

If I had been invited under those circumstances I would suspect that it was a ploy to secure a wedding gift! There's really no cost in inviting someone to a wedding ceremony is there? Effectively they're only there to witness the proceedings. To deliberately exclude guests from the wedding breakfast ( probably the most expensive part of the wedding ) but to then invite them to the evening party ( no doubt there'll be buffet food and guests buy their own drinks ) does seem a bit manipulative.
Sorry, I would be declining the invitation.

Yes, it smacks of you're not quite important enough to have a meal provided after the ceremony, but will do to fill the pews and front up to the night 'do'
I would send a card and present, but wouldn't attend

And to enlarge on my previous comment, I wouldn't be buying a gift either!

willa45, that is beyond cheeky ...

On the other hand going to the wedding ceremony then the afternoon reception followed by the evening do can all be a bit much and quite boring. Give me a 2p.m. wedding followed by a reception and all done by 7p.m. and home to get the posh clothes off and relax a bit before bedtime. Perfect !

Decline gracefully but send a card/gift and spend the money that you would of spent on the weekend on a nice break away with hubby.
Don’t worry any more about it.
Weddings are different now from our day, my daughters was, it was a late wedding and no evening guests which I found very strange, but hey ho that’s what she wanted.

I'm with Marydoll on this one! Everyone invited to the whole shebang! ... Or at least everyone you want to invite!

When our DS and DiL were married, they decided that they were only going to invite people who they were close to, who they really wanted to be at their wedding - this also included close friends of ours, and DiL's parents. No extended family/cousins/etc., who they never see. The wedding was overseas, but everyone they invited, who was important to them, came. Around 100 guests in total. Late afternoon ceremony, which flowed beautifully through from champagne reception, until breakfast served in the wee small hours! I dare say there were some family members a little miffed at not being invited (in fact, I know so!), but you can never please everyone, and at the end of the day, it's the bride & grooms wedding!

I do hate these split weddings where guests who are not so important are relegated to just the evening do. I guess when you're young and perhaps have lots of work colleagues, it's OK, but I personally couldn't be bothered nowadays to attend just an evening do.

Our daughter has said she and her partner will do just the same when they decide to marry ... definitely no split wedding!

Well I have a wee twist to the story. One of the invited guests to the wedding has already confirmed an invitation to a wedding on the same day, so have asked can they come in the evening after the meal at the first one, as they really want to come! .

Marydoll, there's always one! As I said, you can never please everyone! At least it wasn't a case of you only inviting them to the evening do, and they wanted to come to the daytime!

Don't take offence where none was necessarily intended. It was kind of them to invite you - and you don't have to go to both parts, you could just do one or the other. at the same time, I wouldn't think it rude to decline the invitation either - so long as you don't make a big point of saying why. My PIL were invited to my sister's wedding - evening reception only- and made a big song and dance about how "insulted" they were not to be asked to the whole shebang. I thought at the time they were bloody lucky to be invited at all - they barely knew my sister and were only invited as a courtesy, being part of the extended family.

Makemineajammiedodger

The rude part is inviting someone to the service and the evening reception but expecting them to go off and keep themselves occupied during the drinks reception and meal because theyr9not invited to that part.