Partner has pics of ex wife on Facebook

Miss Adventure why would the friend go back through previous uploads and "filter" them?

They cant have been alone in the tent unless the tent took and uploaded the picture

I think if he has children you have to accept photos of their mother , sorry ?

In surprised his friend hasn't filtered out those ones.
I certainly would think twice before putting them up, simply because they aren't necessary, and I wouldn't want to hurt anyone.

They’re not intimate as in sexual they’re pics where they’re at a festival and lying next to each other in a tent just the two of them - no others in the pics. Hence I felt a bit queasy about it. Admittedly - she looks totally bored (unbeknownst to him she was having an affair at the time) and he looks oblivious - it’s the closeness which looks intimate and their positioning against each other. We are not talking about a dinner and dance or party where they are in a group setting. I have a fertile imagination that does not serve me at times.

Why are they even posting intimate pics on facebook?

Theyre not. The OP says theyre from events/festivals.

Why are they even posting intimate pics on facebook? Or didn't you meant that sort?

Start by telling yourself how very lucky he is to have you!

Thank you - I needed to hear this and maybe to practice a little self love

And - yes - a massive part of it is fear of rejection - reject before being the rejected. Buttons are definitely being pushed. I am getting so much relief from your replies. Even the harsh ones. Thank you.

OP, I do think you are being over-sensitive. We all have our little buttons and it sounds as if you know that yours are being pushed here and that you want to address some issues in counselling. Good luck

I understand how you feel and rightly so. I would feel the same. How about thinking it is the 'friends' who have a problem, because they do. It is extremely insensitive and they will know this. They could easily remove them. It seems to me that facebook is so often used as a 'bullying' tactic and as a tool to cause hurt, pure and simple. Stop using facebook and tell your husband as to why you are doing this. See if he himself actually does something about it. Refuse to have any photos of you and or your husband put up by anybody on facebook. Such a shame as facebook was started as a good idea for students to communicate with each other. Why is it horrible people have to always abuse something that started out as a good thing?

As someone who is in a second marriage I would say you can’t erase the past. My husband has photos of his ex wife. I do not let it bother me. It’s ok not to be happy with them, but I would just ignore them.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I'm with notanan2 - for goodness sake what are you so afraid of? That she'll come back and steal him? Presumably you too had some sort of existence before he came along so leave him along and stop being so controlling!

My parents divorced when I was 11 in the early 1970s so of course we’ll before social media. I now have no photos of my father as they were all destroyed when my parents separated. It may be hard to see but, if I understood your message correctly, your husband and his ex wife are still mum and dad to their children. Having the photos out in that way ensures that the children can still talk about Mum and Dad. I was not given that luxury and have since lost touch with all my dads family.

@Mambypamby
My younger self identifies with you......I used to be very insecure in my relationships with men (father who left when I was 5, I had been a daddy’s girl etc) it took many years to realise I was continually looking for signs of rejection in my relationships. So I would push and push for reassurance that I would not be left again. If I sensed I might be “abandoned” I promptly left the relationship, by doing so I “left him before he could leave me!” Over and over again. Eventually a very wise person pointed this out to me and it was such an “Aaaah!” moment. Your past can influence your future in so many ways..... don’t let it ruin this relationship for you. It took me many years to get past the feeling of being an abandoned child that was inside me. It sounds silly at the age of 70 to say that, but it’s true. I hope you find peace and comfort in your new relationship.

Endless and AG thanks for understanding and the pragmatic advice. I know some people have been very harsh but I’m already beating myself up inside about feeling this way as I do know the repercussions yet still relentless in my self-sabotage. It’s good to know that whilst people may not agree they still have empathy and kindness.

I am so sorry you feel insecure in your new relationship. You mention trying to keep him. You need to concentrate on yourself, go to counselling, but remember you are a strong woman. He is lucky to have you. I know it's hard but try not to focus on his relationships with others. Carry on with your own life and building self confidence and these things will not upset you so much

I really wouldn’t stress over this. They’re just pictures, and he’s chosen to be with you. He can’t just erase a whole life he had before you, as there are children and grandchildren who he will still love dearly. If you push it too much, you could end up being the picture of his ex! Just enjoy what you have now.

I am afriad you will need to suck it up. She was there for a long time. You cannot erase the past, particularly as she is the mother of his children. He has no 'personal' photos, so that should be enough. If he isn't even allowed to have old family photos from when the children were small then that's not really fair.

Is he being tagged in old photos recently- in which case I woud have to quetion why this 'friend' is reposting. Historical ones I think you need to ignore. They are part of his past, and made him who he is. OR is he being tagged in photos of the grandchildren that she happens to be in? Again - joint grandparents/parents - you have to accept it.

If you can't stand to see any of your DPs past and family involved in his life just stop going on Facebook. You can't ask others to delete parts of their life.

I met my ex son-in-law for lunch last week. He is the father of my grandchildren, and I always got on well with him. Their divorce was sad, but my daughter admits that there were faults on both sides. She never criticises him to the children, and doesn’t mind them, or me, keeping in contact with him.

Your attitude, Mambypamby, will cause a rift between you if you don’t stop agonising about such a petty thing. Ignore it. He has chosen to be with you, and his ex is the mother of his children, and to that extent remains part of his life. A few pictures mean nothing of importance

Thank you GoldenAge for taking the time to compose such a thoughtful and helpful reply. The appointment for my first session of individual CBT arrived, very timely, this morning and I am to start this week. Fully take on board all your and everyone’s good advice. My rational brain, at any rate, knows I need to do the long-needed work for my own benefit as much as anyone else’s in my life. However my emotions are stuck somewhere in childhood where in my formative years there is a history of abandonment and neglect. Just confronting this in writing is making me feel like crying but I know that is the root of it. Thanks again

Notanan2...I totally agree with everything you have said.

Hello Mambypamby - lots of good advice on here but really the best thing you can do is ensure you get professional counselling as soon as possible because people come to the situation you describe from different perspectives (yours, and possibly that of other people who have been the victim of such 'ironing out' of a previous partner's life). Speaking with a counsellor and exploring your feelings will lead you into a direction where you know what you can bear and what you can't.
The advice on this thread to recognise that you are coming late in the life of this man who has adult children, and that you will never be able to erase his past no matter how much you try, is excellent. If you were emotionally able to accept this you might be able to sustain your relationship. The advice to be affronted and place expectations on him and mutual friends is not. You are the newcomer, you cannot wipe out his life before you and if he has adult children you may find that you encourage confrontation from them if they have the slightest sense that you are trying to do that because it has a huge impact on their own self-identity. You don't mention whether you have an ex-husband of your own, and/or children. Talking with a counsellor will help you to get things in perspective and recognise your own insecurities. Unfortunately, if you don't deal with these insecurities and cut him some slack, your fears - probably that he will return to his ex-wife, may gain some foundation. He's with you at the moment but if you continually ask him to remove all public traces of what must be many years of his life, he won't be for long. What you need to deal with these insecurities is a CBT focused therapist who will get you to look at your core beliefs and challenge them. If you can do that you will have no problem in accommodating the outward evidence of your partner's past.

You say he has been living with you - so he moved in, perhaps to save money because of course he could not go on living with the wife and kids. So now, because you gave him a roof over his head, you want to delete his past. You cannot. But of course, you can check to see which pictures are being put on social sites, and say "How weird!" about the ones, and only those, to make your point, where he and the ex are alone and snuggling up. You are not being unreasonable about these - but, no, about the others, I'd not make a production out of it.

sorry that was meant to me on facebook not pm and yes as JustFiz says he can get the tags removed so they don't appear on his feed.