Partner has pics of ex wife on Facebook

You don't own your spouse or partner.

To be honest I wouldnt even class someone as a "partner" if they've only been around a year. Thats still boyfriend/girlfriend territory not life partner

I’d be upset by these pictures being posted as well. But I think you should let it go and maybe post some pictures of the 2 of you on there just to level it out.
I certainly wouldn’t have him go to the former home to visit the adult children... why can’t they come to you, or why can’t he take them out. You are not unreasonable at all.

You will never be able to erase his ex-wife and children from his life and you will lose him if you try. Accept that he has a shared past with this woman. The photos on Facebook are an irrelevance, just something which is bringing your insecurities to the surface. I’m glad to hear you are getting help and support and I hope you find happiness.

Thank you juicylucy - there is something distasteful about his visits and I am not taking the high ground but I think I’m being understanding of the situation so I feel he should understand, maybe not like - my occasional hurt, that’s where he needs to understand my insecurities at, yes, the speed and convenience (to him) of his moving in. He said at the outset he wanted a committed relationship not a “lodgings” situation. I know it’s always complex when there is “baggage” for want of a better description. Perhaps notanan the real issue is my feeling insecure about the possibility of being used or convenient. But I know that I am way more complex than that - and that is just one part of it! I must sound like a bag of neuroses but honestly I am quite “normal” (on the surface!). My worst nightmare would be seen to be a bunny boiler. Please tell me it isn’t so!

I certainly wouldn’t have him go to the former home to visit the adult children

Because its where his adult children live. Its there home too. There is nothing wrong or even unusual about him visiting. Its good that he does. He sounds like a decent dad who is overcoming his personal anger to keep normality going for the wider family.

OP you've jumped the gun and imagined yourself as a central/permanant fixture in what is a fledgling relationship. And I think he is partly to blame for this by moving in with you too soon. He should have established himself independantly and then given your relationship time to grow naturally first.

I would be very suspicous of his motives. Did he want you or just any convenient home maker?

Yes you ABU...they share children together & they have mutual friends. How can you expect him to ask his friend to remove them?? Its ridiculous

Let it go! Your post says a lot about you and your insecurities. Work on your own self confidence.

If these photos that upset you so much are on a mutual friend's Facebook page and the only reason that you can see them are because your partner is tagged on them, I think you have a problem.
As others have said, he has a past and obviously cared deeply for his ex wife at some point - you have to accept that and move on.
Photos from his parent's home - sorry, but it isn't a shrine. It is their memories and past of their son's life and their family, so I can't understand why you think it is a shrine? Rude to say that you consider it cluttered - well known fact that a lot of grandparents keep anything and everything from years ago often for purely sentimental reasons.
In a nutshell, I think that what you are trying to do is not only remove your OH's memories, but everyone else that is connected to his ex in anyway. It really isn't your call. You need to appreciate that he is with you now. If you can't, sorry, but I can see that your relationship will not last too much longer.

Its not too late to step back and go back to the "good part" of dating where you live separately and every time you see each other is an event.

Let him establish himself as a divorcee and give you both time to date and get to know each other and let it "bloom"

If its YOU not the home he is interested he might see the apeal of "dating" a bit longer because dating is the sexy stage

The good and easy thing here is even if he has been tagged in it. He can actually remove the tag himself and he doesn't have to ask his friend to

Wow! I’m totally thrown by Juicylucys post.How controlling is that!

Actually OP I was a bit disconcerted by you wanting him to ask a friend to remove pictures. If I was his friend and got that demand Id be saying to him ‘Get out, get out!”

But a bit later it sounds as if he is the one doing some controlling.

It doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship all round.

You have said that the only way to remove the pictures is to ask his friends to do it (presumably the pictures originate on their accounts)?

So I think, yes you are being very unreasonable. Its not for you (or your partner) to tell them what photos they can have!!

I can understand the feeling but I think it would be wrong to act on it. Perhaps you could Unfollow this friend (not as drastic as unfriending it just stops her stuff coming up on your feed) You need a break from seeing these images to give you a chance to get it back into proportion. At the moment your feelings are fueling themselves each time they are triggered!

You can remove tags from other peoples pictures on Facebook as long as it’s you who has been tagged and then you wouldn’t see them

Just to make it clear it is not a demand I have the the does this - we have discussed it and he knows I’m uncomfortable with it. He has tried to remove the tag but somehow it’s still on his Facebook page - any advice on how he can do this as I’ve scoured the Facebook guidance pages and there is nothing about how to remove it from others’ view - he can’t see it from his side but it’s out there to others.

To everyone who has taken the time to respond, thank you for your views. It has been very helpful to know that there are as many opinions on this as there are replies. It has helped me find a place I’m happy with - of course the whole story would be way too long and inappropriate to post but I have the gist of what people think - basically, I will suck it up, proceed with caution and work on myself. Thanks everyone!

Really, there's no need to worry. Almost everyone in the older age group will have had previous partners and many remain still fairly friendly with them when they have moved on with new partners, especially if there are children. I am sure your partner is now happy to be with you and thinks of his previous wife now as just the mother of his kids, rather than having any romantic feelings for her. You are just feeling a bit insecure because your relationship is young. As time goes on you will feel better and realise it is unfounded. I know this as a woman who has been married twice and my second husband was actually a bit like you, very insecure, for the first couple of years. He hated it if I ever mentioned my first husband in passing. He didn't even like me to say his name, and he wouldn't say it either. We had to refer to him as "whatsisname" if we had to, and preferably not at all. So how silly was that? I had to get rid of any photos of hubby 1. There were no children with my first husband - but second hubby and I have a grown up daughter and have been together for over 30 years now and I think he's convinced by now that I love HIM!

Just don't look at them. My younger son has a new partner but I still have family photographs from our other son's wedding which include younger son's separated wife . She is the mother of our grandchildren and part of our history. I have removed his wedding photos but see no reason to change others. My photo albums are full of family groups and the two of them together. His new partner and his wife are no threat to each other and get on well, including outings with the children. Life moves on and unless there is a harmful reason we need to exist around one another for everyone's sake. Our Grandchildren and son's partner's children all get on well because of their efforts.

There is a line in an old song which goes "I don't care who was your first love, I just want to be your last love."

You should sing this to yourself whenever jealousy and resentment of his past life threaten to overwhelm you and spoil your present life together.

I agree with Notanan that the speed this romance has progressed at may have overtaken the experiencing of each stage which would have made you more confident of his love. Slow down. Could you live separately while you revisit those early days?

This can feel uncomfortable I know as I’ve been there. Try and turn a blind eye as it will make you miserable. Time changes lots of things and as your relationship develops you will start to see it as his past life hopefully. Wishing you all the best.

You probably won’t like this but...

Your relationship with him seems very unstable if you are unable to acknowledge and celebrate his past as well as his present. The reasons for the breakdown of his marriage have no relevance to you (unless you were one of the reasons). He has children and she is their mother. They were married, they shared a house, they slept together, they shared the joy of the birth of children, they shared friends and jokes and meals. He remains, therefore, in a relationship of sorts with her, and you can’t simply obliterate her from his life. Be glad he chose you, be thankful to her for helping him to become the man you love, and ditch this teenage jealousy thing before it starts to poison the good relationship you have now.

Facebook has a lot to answer for! Close your account and get on with your life, as it's so tempting to keep on looking at it otherwise. Take up a new hobby, and be optimistic about the future with this man. Life's too short to agonise over the past!
Good luck!

Your feelings are understandable as it can be such a sensitive situation when you are in love with someone who has had a partner and family previously. However, history cannot be rearranged, no matter how much we would like it to be, neither can we erase it. This must be hard for you but as time goes on I hope you will feel confident enough in your relationship to stop worrying . At the very least your partner is a man who is taking his responsibilities as a father seriously, and has a civil realationship with his ex. A bad relationship would make his life difficult, and impact on you too probably. Life goes forwards not backwards - if you try to do the same, and just stop looking at the pictures that are upsetting you, I hope it helps.

I think having a bit of a pang would be reasonable. Agonizing...is unreasonable. I think it's good you are going for counselling. There must be reasons for your strong reaction,.which counselling should help unravel.. in the meantime perhaps try EFT. It can really help with emotional distress.

Mamby Pamby
This could have been me but several years ago. There was no social media at that time but I couldn't cope having 'the ex's' name mentioned at family occasions. I knew I was being unreasonable and immature (I was 45!!) but my own insecurities were overriding common sense. I was imprinting my thoughts on to my new family's and partners behaviour. In reality they were no longer interested in her. Only blessing at the time was that they hadn't any children together. I completely feel for you right now and I'm pleased to hear you are seeking help. His ex was living rent free in my head and no one else's !!! I realise now how close I was to destroying our relationship. I can now laugh a little about it with my now husband and his sister. I think some responses have been harsh but they come from those who are fully secure in their relationship. Don't beat yourself up. Practice believing that you are good for him NOW and be kind to yourself a bit more. Sending hugs ?

What would really be the solution is to come off Facebook as it causes more problems than it does good.
You can only ask this person to take the photo down. But unless you have to view everyday, forget about it. It's a photo that confirms your oh has had a past like you and everyone else.