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Not sure how to react

(40 Posts)
Kittymae Thu 06-Feb-20 14:59:24

I'm probably just sounding off because this grandparenting is all new to me. I'm 45 and my dd gave birth 3 months ago. To say I don't like her bf isn't strictly true but I don't trust him, he is arrogant and the way he talks to her sometimes is wrong. They were having constant arguements before GC was born and now he's all for GC, I'm just not convinced he loves my dd as much as she loves him. He has a new job where he's earning more than he has done in the past, I'm just worried they're going to move 30 min away which is closer to his parents who don't make any effort to see GC, they are living with me atm. I just don't know how to react or what to expect. What would you do?

Madgran77 Fri 07-Feb-20 14:27:30

Boys' mothers worst..hmmm

Pardon! What on earth ...I cant believe anyone can say that as if every person who has a son is part of some amorphous mass!!! Individuals exist you know!

Kittymae Fri 07-Feb-20 15:44:54

Thank you again, I am just going to go with the flow and enjoy dgc

grannyactivist Fri 07-Feb-20 16:02:19

Hi Kittymae and welcome if this is your first post.

So, you ask, What would you do?

Well I think I'd choose to give them space and encouragement to make their own decisions and then support them 100% in whatever they decide. I'm not saying that's easy, but you're in it for the long haul so do what you can to keep relationships positive.

Try not to worry about them being half an hour away - there are many of us on here whose families are half a world away. smile

Lancslass1 Fri 07-Feb-20 17:03:55

Madgran77
It is USUALLY the boy’s mother who is worse than the girl’s ,apparently.
You are obviously one of the exceptions.

fluttERBY123 Fri 07-Feb-20 17:59:24

I am, lancslass1, I am, an exception.

Lucca Fri 07-Feb-20 18:06:33

“It is USUALLY the boy’s mother who is worse than the girl’s“

Who says???

Bet I don’t get a reply......

fluttERBY123 Fri 07-Feb-20 18:17:18

Madgran and paddyann - for clarity forget blokes. You have a baby, its mother and her mother. They probably both agree about how to look after baby, maybe. Mother of baby's father has very different ideas - so clash between mother and paternal grandmother. All in general terms, of course not universal.

Madgran77 Fri 07-Feb-20 18:20:30

*It is USUALLY the boy’s mother who is worse than the girl’s ,apparently.
You are obviously one of the exceptions know a lot of exceptions!*

I think it is a shockingly generalised statement based on presumably that Dr encountering quite a few mothers of sons having problems! But to then equate that to some sort of generalised fact when talking in a professional capacity is pretty shocking!

But hey ho, we exceptions know who we are! Anyway I'm a mother of a son and a daughter so maybe I'm a hybrid!!grin

Lancslass1 Fri 07-Feb-20 19:45:02

Oh for goodness sake lighten up.
The Dr. in question was not talking in a professional capacity .
He probably only said it because I had sons and no daughters.
I didn’t take offence but I did take notice.
I didn’t expect anyone to get so upset about it.
Another thing he said was -go on tell me that he shouldn’t have done this either- was that a parent should never be involved in arguments between husband and wife .
I hope at least you agree with that.

BoBo53 Fri 07-Feb-20 21:05:21

A piece of advice I was given when my first grandchild was born was to learn to 'zip it' - very hard I know but try to remember how we often felt when told by our mother/mil what to do. Don't worry about seeing your grandchild once your daughter wants to return to work you'll be called on!

Madgran77 Fri 07-Feb-20 21:22:04

*Another thing he said was -go on tell me that he shouldn’t have done this either- was that a parent should never be involved in arguments between husband and wife .
I hope at least you agree with that.*

Yes I do. And it's not the same sort of statement atall, the other one remains an unwise generalisation in my view. However, despite disagreeing with him saying it, I did actually make a lighthearted comment about being a hybrid in my last post, which was intended as a joke on myself. Oh well 😏

Loulelady Fri 07-Feb-20 22:02:38

I’d buy them a nice housewarming present.
It can’t have been easy for him living with the “in-laws” fingers crossed their relationship may improve when they have their own space.
30 mins is no distance at all.

Newatthis Fri 07-Feb-20 22:59:22

30 minutes away. My only gc is 12000 miles away !!

Hert2Hart Sat 08-Feb-20 21:21:04

Do nothing say nothing but be ready to pick up any pieces.