Guilt over my Mum

I had my parents next door and then in another part of the same house.

I was fortunate that we all got on well most of the time.

But there were times, especially after my dad died and my mum was on her own, when I could have screamed.

Girls are often too much like their mums, I think, and so they tend to clash. Nothing to feel guilty about. I hope a bit of space will help you both.

You know in my experience mums tend to bring their offspring up in a way they would be expected to be treated. What was your Mother’s relationship with her parents like ?

We have kids having kids and now we have olds having older. It's very difficult.

dortie145, you have no need to feel guilty. You are, in fact, very lucky to have an elderly parent who is still well enough to take care of herself. There may come a time when she does need more help, and that will be the time to do whatever you're able to do for her.

I've spent several months at a time staying in my parent's home, when my mother was ill, before she passed away. And then again with my father due to illness/operations/recovery. Quite honestly, as much as I love him, I could never, ever, live with him permanently. We would drive each other insane!

As Hetty 58 said, you need your own space, and I'm sure your mother does too. We all get set in our ways as we get older, and we have our own routines, which are disrupted when you have someone else living under your roof. Much better to live separately, and be able to offer help when required.

I'm sorry for your circumstances, that it was necessary for you to move back in with your mother, and hope that things will improve for you. Thank your mother for all the help and support she has given you, but tell her you feel it's time that you moved out, so you can both have your own space again. Hopefully, your relationship with each other will then improve.

I understand completely, if you stay things will only become unbearable. I love my mum to bits, but could not live with her, and can only tolerate visiting twice a week, age changes them as it does us, it’s just the way it is. Move out, without guilt, it’ll be better for you both. Good luck .

Don’t feel guilty.I am the main person when it comes to helping my mum but we could never live under the same roof.I hope that when you move out you and your mum can have some better times together?
Hetty,I totally agree with both your posts.

And - have you noticed that our mums are experts at making us feel guilty - whatever we do!

dortie145, yes, some (not all) people do everything for their mum. Some of us just aren't cut out for it - or don't have the sort of relationships with our mums that would make it possible.

You need your own space and that's quite understandable. Perhaps she does too. Screaming rows and drinking too much doesn't sound healthy - so leave with a clear conscience!