dortie145. Oh bless you! You have been through a lot! You must not reproach yourself for the inflammatory relationship between you and your DM. It's far from uncommon. Mums and daughters often clash - just read here and you'll see! You need to live apart, for both or your sakes.
The way you clash is partly because you simply are not compatible and your natures irritate each other, and partly a learned thing because it was ever thus. I could not possibly have lived with my mother, even before her dementia. She drove me insane and was so unfair!! (I nearly started to say why, here, and go on about how she upset me!!)
Please do not feel guilty about doing the right thing for both of you.
As for living in a bedsit at your age, I do understand how it must seem a bit like becoming a student again, but I assure you, I met many women when I was counselling who would have jumped at the chance to live in a little single room to get away from the constant rows that they encountered at the house (I can't call it "home") where they lived! I would like to live somewhere simple now I am old and disabled. I have a responsibility though in that I must put the needs of my rescued dogs first. Having taken them on I will never do anything to unsettle them and I am so lucky to have them.
In the interim while you are waiting to move, just do not feed any of these rows. Don't answer back, don't explain your side. Simply keep a neutral voice and say neutral words such as "I understand that is what you think". Or even "Yes, I know, you always tell me that." But don't start answering in terms of putting her right on the matter in hand as this just feeds her with the next bit of her argument. If you can, then quietly withdraw to anther room. Keep discussion regarding your leaving to a simple level. Give only one reason - that you are ready to live in your own place now.
Dear dortie145, just look forward to the peace you can enjoy in your blessed space of your own. You can still visit your mother. It will be better for you both. Keep your reason for moving out clear and simple and say it with a positive and calm voice, something like, "It's time I found my own place but I'll visit you, mum. I appreciate what you've done for me when I needed somewhere to live. I'm ready for my own place now, but I'll see you often. Thanks for helping me out." Keep it positive and repeat the same message every time you talk about it. Don't say you are leaving because of the rows. Just say you need your own place, like any adult, and you appreciate that she helped you out in your time of need. Make it sound very normal that you are ready to find your own place now but will be visiting her as often as possible. If she turns the discussion to a negative base just repeat in a positive voice (with a smile if poss) "I'm ready for my own place now. But I'll come and see you." And repeat the same in the same friendly neutral and not angry way. She may be so used to having a row that she kind of misses it if she doesn't have one! If it gets too difficult, just leave the room, with a smile say, "I just need the loo.."
Good luck in finding a lovely place in a beautiful area. With lots of love, Elle x. ? ☕️?