I hear your frustration Ruthiek and desire to have a new start and to be nearer your only (?) family. 40 miles is a distance - if you were need to support down the line, an 80 mile round trip may well deter your son or daughter-in-law from coming too often. We do need to look and plan for the future rather than leave it too late. Moving takes energy (and money) and it needs to be something you both want otherwise there will be resentment. Planning for your retirement is essential - hubby and I downsized within our large village so that we could walk to the shops and amenities and have a smaller garden and less maintenance, etc, etc. We are very fortunate that both our children are within 10 miles and my mother in her mid-90's a similar distance so we didn't need to consider moving location. However, my mother did not downsize or wish to move anywhere else, not thinking of a time when she would be unable to cope with house and garden and I now find myself her chief carer and taking care of all these things for her. I think it is only fair on our children for parents to think of these things before it is too late to change/move. It sounds as though your OH is reluctant to look ahead and take responsibility for his and your future - does he have family and friends where you are who he doesn't wish to leave? Many people bury their heads in the sand and cannot foresee a time when their life will be very different and potentially very difficult. Having family nearby is a godsend (if you get on of course!). Is there a compromise to be reached somewhere? It is, as previously said, a risk to move nearer your son, if there is a possibility that they may wish to move again. Counselling for yourself would be really helpful, I believe, to help you move on from the bullying of your past and to find yourself and a positive future, wherever that may be. Good luck.