Partner not doing anything

If you want something to stop, you make it happen
Hithere Hi there!
As has been said before,

"If you don't like something, change it.
If you can't change it, change your attitude!"

Sign in our kitchen;
"Dull women have immaculate houses!"

Probably thought up by a "not-so-dull" woman!
Cheers

Pin up a rota like the ones in shared accommodation. After all, that is exactly what your home is. Tell him what you are doing and ask him if there is anything he would particularly like to do but, the rest will be fairly shared. In fact, he could have a longer list as you are still working. Maybe, it has just not occurred to him or, as has been said, he sees the house as your ‘department’ and just needs to be asked.

If somebody wants to lay on a sofa all day surely it is up to them ,as an adult in their own home surely they can do what they like.

Well yes. Ultimately they can. But this being the case they can’t expect to have meals cooked for them, clean clothes provided etc. etc. They can’t lie on the sofa like some eastern potentate and expect their every need to be catered to. Or they wouldn’t in my house anyway.

Some people are more relaxed than others when it comes to housework. If you like it clean and tidy then do it.

If somebody wants to lay on a sofa all day surely it is up to them ,as an adult in their own home surely they can do what they like.

Is this the way you want your gc to see you? Follow the same path? Think it is normal?
Would you want your gc to be treated the same way by their partners?

I bet not.

Are these lazy men that lazy at work? I bet not at all.

At work, they know what has to be done without having their bosses (aka mommy at work) holding their hand.

At work, these lazy men behave like independent able human beings, or they would be fired right away.

So if your lazy at home partner is able to hold a job successfully for years, they are taking their spouses aka slaves at home for granted.

You want a moan, vent, complain, be a martyr, etc., go ahead. If you want to perpetuate the gender inequality, be my guest.
If you want something to stop, you make it happen.
If you want to keep venting, you are not doing enough to stop it. So stop venting and DO something to improve your own life.
Or stop moaning because this is the life YOU CHOSE FOR YOURSELF

A man of 61 who doesn’t know that jobs need doing and just lies around doing nothing. Sounds as if you SalsaQueen have been a “ dutiful wife “ for too long. Why have you always done everything ? And why are you now resenting him doing nothing ? You have bought this situation on yourself and it might be difficult to change but change you must.

Draw up a list of everything that needs doing weekly, and you both put ticks agains things that you don't mind doing. Divide those up between you, have a sensible discussion about sharing if there are things on there that you both hate, and give him a list of what he needs to do. Tell him that you will leave him to plan his week, but you need everything on his list completed by the end of it.

Works for us, especially when the competitive element comes into play on who has ticked off the most items so far!

Give him a list, ask for help, my husband has adjusted with a bit of prodding.

Jillybird. Well, he’s certainly playing you like a fiddle isn’t he? Deliberately incompetent so he gets let off. Brilliant. What a wheeze.

I really don’t understand some women on here posting almost with pride that their men are like big, lazy children. I’d be ashamed to broadcast that I put up with it quite frankly.

Paperbackwriter
Whtlat is worse, some of those posters get offended when their same standards are not followed by other people - when their adult children and spouses do not do what OP did as a young family
For example - dont visit with the gc often enough, dil is not taking care properly of the son aka pulling her weight, etc

Spell it out to him. Sometimes men need to be told exactly what's required. I remember when I was a teenager my mum had been out all day. She came home to dirty dishes in the sink. She demanded to know why I hadn't washed them. It had not occurred to me as she did everything in the house.

I've turned into his Mum Trouble is, with far too many women, is that they've always treated the males in the family as if they were their mums. Whatever happened to equality? To feminism? Some of the posts on Gransnet appal me with their assumption that just because a woman is born with ovaries she gets to be sole cook and cleaner. As for the word 'help' when applied to men and domestic chores - no, it's not helping. It's doing their share.

When he goes to bed, he's asleep in minutes (how do some people do that?)
SalsaQueen It's called "escapism"! He obviously enjoys the peace and quiet of Noddyland!

I'm afraid it sounds like you've made your own problem here, over the years. You admit you've always done the domestic side and now you suddenly want that to change. No point being cross about it - you'll simply have to state that things are different now and refuse to do everything.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I may well be wrong but this sounds like someone who is so in control that her husband may think he dare not do it in case he gets it wrong. How about chilling for a couple of days, working in the morning then relaxing in the afternoon, the housework can go to hell and get ready meals in. And discuss when you are both relaxed and ready to listen without accusation.

SalsaQueen - follow your gut and keep with the messages and when it comes to making a meal make a sandwich for yourself telling him that you're having to have this 'on the go' as your day is so busy. Don't wash his clothes, put the vacuum cleaner on half the house, hide the TV remote control, and tell him you're concerned for his health as he's always asleep and calling the doctor. It's shock tactics I'm afraid, he's in a nice lazy routine - you have to kick him out of it. Self-isolation will be throwing up all sorts of relationship issues, you're not actually on your own here.

It does sound like he has taken early retirement. What a shock when he has to start work again! As Northern says you do risk having nothing to do yourself in what could be a very long shutdown.

Just tell him. That now he's home and not working (and not actually very ill) he needs to do his share of the housework. I know it can be hard sometimes though. My DH is one of those who has had a very (very!) mild cold sometimes and thinks it means he's too ill to move, while I have been feeling really bad sometimes and I'm always automatically expected to still soldier on and do all the usual jobs and cook all the meals.

I am right with you SalsaQueen!!
It's not that DH doesn't do anything it is that he STARTS things & then abandons them. Our drive looks like Steptoe's yard at the moment as he cleared out the garage & then got bored & left it.
You can't see the dining room table as he cleared all the stuff out of his study to 'tidy' it & has done very little about it since.
No wonder I take a LONG walk every day.

Good luck with changing his attitude, SQ. As my DD points out when I complain, after 58 years I really cannot continue to blame his mother and must accept that I have failed in husband training. Too late now I fear!

Mr Northern is also at home, but hes the complete opposite, i get up at my normal 8,and by that time hes been up for a couple of hours and done all those little jobs on my todo list, and i can't even complain he does them badly, because he doesn't, so i get up can't go out and struggle looking for things to do, im making a macrame plant hanger and learning sign language

Don't talk to us; talk to him! This hasn't developed overnight but now is the time to tackle his attitude.

Right to be angry? yes, but unreasonable? Possibly! IF you have been happy to do 'everything' previously then you haven't trained your husband ha ha. He is probably so used to you doing it all he hasn't even given it a thought.

As others have probably said you probably need to have a straight talking to the man. No hints. Just tell him what you expect him to do on a day to day basis. I think men of a certain era are just used to their women doing the housework, cooking etc. Doesn't happen in modern relationships but you can't expect a sudden change in procedures IF he has been used to a certain way for so long.