Partner not doing anything

yggdrasil

Hithere I know you mean well, but seriously, I for one don't need help. I just needed to have a moan.

Phoenix: I did that with the boys when they were toddlers, "we can either do X or Y" or when it came to food "you can either have A or B"

Might work with boys, but my grandaughter aged 18 months was offered the option of 'apple' or 'orange', came bach with 'banana'

Ladies,

I urge you to google "emotional labour"

Dont fall in that trap

Salsaqueen it takes getting used to. DH was a bit like that when he retired but we have got into more of a routine now.
However, he was trying to help this morning and hindering instead which can be equally irritating.
Meanwhile, we have been in the garden and I said I'd make a cuppa.
But here I am on GN!!

I work at home anyway so apart from only having one child and no school runs at the moment, that's not changed.
My husband used to assume because I was at home, stuff would get done. No.
So I would leave what he would notice: eg he can see when the dishwasher needs emptying, so I'd leave that, but he can't see dust apparently...
He gets hungry so he will cook. I used to get the ingredients out and leave them on the worktop, eg for a bolognese, but nowadays he's already there with Mary Berry or Jamie Oliver to hand ?
He's also realised that when I
strip the beds he remakes them.

Now he's on furlough for god knows how long.
So I ask him what his plans are for the day, the implication being that he has some. Or needs some.
So far he's weeded and swept the block paving, which took several days (my idea), and is now working his way through piles of paperwork and shredding what we don't want (his idea).

Being specific without getting ratty is the key ? ?

Not having a choice doesn’t help. 99.9% I am fine then it can suddenly feel overwhelming. There are still some self appointed experts giving us the benefit of their guesses but they seem to have quietened down a bit. So many contradictory theories weren’t helpful and perhaps your OH is feeling a bit shell shocked like the rest of us.

Hopefully you feel a bit better having got it off your chest SQ.

Nannan2 My husband NEVER lies awake at night! When he goes to bed, he's asleep in minutes (how do some people do that?), and he snores all through the night.

update on Lazy Arse.....he's been in his shed most of the day, tinkering about with his motorbike. That's fine by me, as he's not just sitting in the house. I've been doing my faffing about indoors.

Hithere Thanks for the advice. I'm moaning about him being lazy lately, BUT when our sons were little, he worked very long hours to provide for us all - often 16 hours - to pay the mortgage, etc. I didn't work for many years. I'm not down-trodden or abused in any way. When I've been ill with depression, anxiety and extremely bad period problems, he supported me by working, being there when I cried, complained and felt crap. He's irritating me because at the moment he's here all the time, which neither of us is used to.

Youngest sons taken to staying up till early hours& sleeping in late,so i told him,"no,you cant still fit in 3 meals,plus snacks,in your time,if you miss one,youve missed it!"...

See SalsaQueen? SPECIFIC!

Oh no,no choices with my 2 sons! I try but they either choose something different anyway,or take ages trying to decide...

I agree with welbeck..you must tell him,i find with guys( young or old) you must be SPECIFIC! i have same problem with my 2 youngest sons,who live at home,21& soon 17,who are now not at uni& college all day.unless i give them specific instructions on what/ how to do whatever,it either wont get done,or not how i wanted!( in fact oldest says" you need to be specific" often,and now i see its a 'bloke thing'! ( could it be your hubby is lying awake at night maybe,so not sleeping properly?)

That's the way, *SalsaQueen" choices!

I did that with the boys when they were toddlers, "we can either do X or Y" or when it came to food "you can either have A or B"

Shame having to apply toddler rules to a grown man, but if that's what it takes.........

Perhaps we just follow what we grew up with? My Dad did quite a lot as my Mum didn’t/wouldn’t. OH only had to make his bed during the school holidays and some of his family were shocked when I expected chores to be split 50/50 when we both worked full time. My son pulls his weight and my daughters expect their OHs to do the same. If or when jobs/work changes then we adapted accordingly.

Quite important to keep things calm and peaceful currently but very tempting to wash, iron and cook just for yourself until he notices. Don’t know if I could cope with strops and tantrums right now.

Salsaqueen
I write this with the best of intentions

You deserve better.
Is this the life you want, nag your dh and be his mother instead of his wife?

He didn't offer if you wanted a sandwich. When you asked for one, he showed je was annoyed at your request.

How can you live with such a selfish person day in day out?

It is sad to read what low standards women set for themselves

NanTheWiser....no, the clothes would end up with more creases in them .

I'm going to give him the choice of 2 jobs tomorrow...
I've got some fence paint stuff in the shed - or wash both cars (not that we can go anywhere). He'll be outside anyway

The ironing?

mmm onion bhajis.

Well, he DID make lunch - he was doing himself a sandwich (he's good at doing things for himself) so I said I wanted one. He huffed a bit but made it. Then I was hoovering and told him to move the settees out so I could clean behind them - that got him up, so then I told him to bring the washing in. I HAVE to TELL him or he won't bother (I've turned into his Mum). I've just been making a curry from scratch (one of his favourite meals) so gave him a recipe to make onion bhajis. He's been doing that. Now, what can he do tomorrow...........

send him out to do some vegetable picking for the greater good and to earn some money

he's going to make some lunch soon (he doesn't know that ...)

Good on ya Salsa ?

Old Lazy Arse as he is now known, managed to lumber downstairs at 10.30! I gave him a shopping list, TOLD him to get out to Asda or somewhere.

Whilst he was out, I rang my brother, texted a friend, changed the bed, did 2 loads of washing, vacuumed, put washing on the line.

He got all the shopping, made a cup of tea for us. He's going to make some lunch soon (he doesn't know that. He'll soon be hungry). He can make the dinner later - curry.

I'm on to him