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Partner not doing anything

(104 Posts)
SalsaQueen Wed 01-Apr-20 16:50:30

My husband has been at home for 2 weeks, with a sore throat, NO other symptoms. Now he's furloughed (Who knows how long?!) but he doesn't want to do anything at all.

I work in the mornings, and usually lunchtime too (the lunchtime one has finished whilst all this Covid-19 is on), and I do everything at home. I don't mind that, when he's at work all day....BUT he's 61, fit and healthy, and is currently asleep on the settee, having done absolutely nothing today. AIBU to feel angry?

threexnanny Wed 01-Apr-20 16:54:33

Perhaps he doesn't feel well enough to do anything? Or maybe in shock like the rest of us.

SalsaQueen Wed 01-Apr-20 17:00:37, and no. He's been well enough to eat, drink, watch tv, read his paper, drink beer, etc.

He had a sore throat for ONE DAY

EllanVannin Wed 01-Apr-20 17:05:47

A sore throat with this virus is like swallowing glass just swallowing your spit to put it bluntly.
If anyone can eat or even drink ( without discomfort ) then things aren't too bad at all.

welbeck Wed 01-Apr-20 17:06:06

well if he's used to being at work all day, while you are content to see to all the housework, it probably does not occur to him that you are aggrieved at his lack of involvement.
also he may see the house as your department, that you are in charge of, just as you would not come into his workplace and start doing things unless someone in charge explained what to do.
have you tired to speak to him about how you feel.

phoenix Wed 01-Apr-20 17:09:49

Mr P has been working from home, as have I, but whereas I haven't actually got much to do, he has been in the home office, on conference calls, dealing with plans and technical drawings (he's an engineer) for a large part of the day.

Ok, he hasn't washed up after supper, which he would usually do under normal circumstances, but I can live that! (Just, and for now, wink)

However, if he was behaving like your DH, SalsaQueen I would be pretty bloody cross!

grannysyb Wed 01-Apr-20 17:21:48

Don't do his washing, when he runs out of pants he might notice that you normally do everything!

Fiachna50 Wed 01-Apr-20 17:29:47

Id talk to him about it. Is he feeling poorly? Just say to him you could really do with some help.

Grannyjay Wed 01-Apr-20 17:39:53

Maybe he is just lazy. Have you told him so. Before you go to work give him a list of things you would like him to do. Maybe not all of them but at least make an effort. If he doesn’t then do do anything for him.

annep1 Wed 01-Apr-20 17:40:00

Do not use the word 'help'. When you are both at home with nothing else to do, household duties are the responsibility of both partners.

Daisymae Wed 01-Apr-20 17:41:03

Tell him what needs doing, some people need direction. He could well be home for 3 months so worth getting him involved now. Funny how in many ways some things don't change.

Hithere Wed 01-Apr-20 17:42:50

Easy - stop doing everything.

If he wants anything, he will have to get it done himself

rosenoir Wed 01-Apr-20 17:56:56

Have you actually asked him to do anything? you say that you usually do everything and do not mind so maybe he does not know that you now want him to do stuff in the house.

Grammaretto Wed 01-Apr-20 18:14:26

I agree about giving him a list. He may not realise. It's like you are on a fast learning curve to what being retired is like!
There was a statistic showing the number of people who go into a decline and die within the first year after retirement.
I find Parkinson's law applies. "Work" expands to fill the time available.
So yes YABU

Patsy70 Wed 01-Apr-20 18:41:02

I don't think you're being unreasonable, SalsaQueen, and it doesn't sound like he's that poorly. Why do we have to 'ask' if something needs to be done? He should do his share, whilst you're working.

Hetty58 Wed 01-Apr-20 18:48:07

It would be good for him to have some daily tasks and responsibilities. A walk for exercise is very important too. He's gone into 'neutral' mode, having no work or clear cut role at home.

SalsaQueen, perhaps it's time that you developed a headache/sore throat/sprained ankle and needed a duvet day? He could take over and wait on you for once!

annep1 Wed 01-Apr-20 18:48:38

I've just realised, you work in the mornings. He should have a list of what to do whilst you are working and then when you cone home the rest is shared equally.

Callistemon Wed 01-Apr-20 18:52:28

If he has had the COVID19 virus, albeit it very mildly, tiredness is a symptom.
Sleeping helps the body to recover.

He may feel more lively soon so perhaps you could then leave him a list if you're working full time, eg if he wants clean underpants etc, show him the washing machine, if he wants a meal show him the fridge and the cooker and explain how they work.

Patsy70 Wed 01-Apr-20 19:04:14

'Explain how they work'? Really? Incidentallly, there are a variety of symptoms for COVID19, most common are a dry cough, loss of the senses of smell and taste, and also a loss of appetite!

phoenix Wed 01-Apr-20 19:29:03

Perhaps is by nature just a lazy git, and is taking advantage of the current situation?

Just a thought........

Oopsadaisy3 Wed 01-Apr-20 20:12:39

Maybe he was shocked that he has been furloughed and worried that he might be left unemployed, don’t forget he’s used to being out all day and now suddenly he’s laid off.
Maybe his sore throat is a symptom of anxiety or stress.

Hithere Wed 01-Apr-20 20:14:38

Why do we keep excusing men to behave like productive members of society and justify them doing the bare minimum or nothing at all?

If this was a woman, she would be crucified

SalsaQueen Wed 01-Apr-20 20:51:28

To reiterate, he HASN'T been ill.

Yes, I have told him (politely and rudely) that I think he should be doing something. He CAN cook, use the washer, vacuum, etc., but he WON'T. Whilst I was cleaning the oven (took all the shelves and side parts out, etc), he was asleep on the settee, SNORING.

He is not depressed/unwell/incapable. He's behaving as though he's on holiday, and he's being an idle, selfish prat. Tomorrow will be different. I've got tomorrow and Friday off - we had booked a few days away, but that's obviously all cancelled - so I will ensure that he's up and doing something (any bloody thing). Thanks all.

SalsaQueen Wed 01-Apr-20 20:53:02

Incidentally, when I am not well (not often), I still do everything, whilst he is at work.

Callistemon Wed 01-Apr-20 20:53:32

Patsy don't you recognise a tongue in cheek comment?